Advice on my nephew?

Looking for advice on how to deal with my nephew who's come out. He's only 12, so I'm doubting he even knows what he's talking about. He also looks up to me so I don't want alienate myself to him, I'm of a conservative vew point on such issues, but also of a live and let be mind set.

The Kids dad is a complete ass though, and a verry out spoken homophobe. Leaves me wondering if peer pressure is involved, or if he's just trying to piss off his dad. At 12 I was wearing Beatle juice sweatpants, and contemplating who would win a gijoe vs he-man fight, not sexual preferences, wasn't even a blip on the radar screen yet.

. I find myself chronically pissed off most of time at what children have exposure to these days. the results of which are so far beyond my own experiences its leaving me bewildered as to how to act around todays teens.

 

Just Be There For Him......An Open Ear......A Shoulder To Cry On......Tis His Path To Tread......

And Even In This Enlightened Age It Is Not An Easy One.....



Cheers Glen.

 

You can start by not doubting him...

 

I know you're in an uncomfortable situation, but, If he looks up to you, that's a good thing, because that means he trusts you. Ask him why he feels what he feels, because it could be that other kids are making him think what he's thinking about himself, which is that peer pressure you're talking about. That's truly going on, and is a real thing with kids his age. But talk to him, listen to him, try to understand what he's going through, because right now he has nobody to trust, and feels alienated. This makes shit pretty difficult. Regardless of what you think or don't agree with what he tells you, remember first and foremost, that he is your nephew, he's family, and he's human.

 

Listen to Noserider.

Don't question the kid about anything.

Tell him you have his back 100% and then treat him normally.

That's all he needs unless he tells you otherwise.

Relax.

 

Lolz, Oi where do I start.

1. The dad overcompensates in regards to his sons sexuality. Thats a good sign as long as it a protective way. That is when no one else is watching i.e at home, they are buddys.

If the father is just a agro drunken turd, well then thats not just about his sons sexuality.

2. Why does this thread exist? You are the uncle
You come in like 10th most important to him after his parents, both sets of grandparents, pretty much any aunt or aunt in law, and of course his closest same age friends.

No, he doesnt look up to you. Only adults say stuff like that

3. I know you believe you remember being 12 years old. But at best you remember a dozen memories that are just flashes, a grand total of maybe 2 minutes from the 525,600 minutes you were 12 years old for

4. If he is at least in part obvious. Do you REALLY think his mother didnt know when he was 4? But then comes the question, why didnt it register with you until was 12 and had to start saying it out loud to everyone? You dont think your nephew noticed that about you?

5. Most importantly, you need to take a step back, throw out all the shit anyone has ever told you, put on your objectivity hat......then come back to the phrase (He came out as gay)....just to piss his dad off.

Its a way to say out loud you have a problem with your nephew being gay whilst at the same time being able to take a swipe at his father

 

^^^^....Helpful..???..Most Certainly NOT.....



Cheers Glen.

 

Well maybe a little perspective is what is needed.

Little dude probably has some mad crush on someone at school, or some celeb.

And IF he hears his uncle say something like Errr, are you just gay to piss off your dad?

Well, that would just piss me right off

 

i really don't remember if i knew exactly what sex consisted of when i was 12, but i suspect i probably did. either way, there was no doubt which gender i was attracted to.

i suppose gay guys might gravitate toward their aunts? seems to me that it would be different in every family though. as far as family members, my favorite was an uncle, followed by a couple cousins. grandparents and aunts were far down the list.

 

I would talk to him!

I would tell him that whatever he chooses is fine, but it's ok to change his mind later too. Good luck!

 

Vanillla, Everyones family dynamics are different, he spends more time with me than his dad. But he's forced to be with his dad every other weekend against his will...usuall court order bs

An ugly split with his parents when he was 3 left him an emotional wreck, had major seperation anxiety issues regarding his mom, and for years he would leave screaming for his mom everytime his dad took custody. he is over sensitive and anxious about most things to this day, and has problems in school because if it, and is teased daily. Hes has had rough go.

Btw You know some one looks up to you, or at least appreciates your exsistance, when they come to you for advice and want to spend time with you.

Coincidently his older half brother (in his mid 20s now) did the same thing about ten years back. For different reasons with different sinarios, Then Had baby with a girl about 3 years after coming out, so go figure. .. ran off and no ones seem him for years now.

 

Well there you go, I said all that, you come back reply as a grown up. So i know now its this brother/brother in law/defacto brother in law of yours that is the douchebag.

And there are a hell of a lot of guys out there like that, that never really grow up. At leas5 half the male population really. But it doesnt equate to half of all their kids being emotionally stunted when they get to adults.

As I said, hat of objectivity
Nephew is overly sensitive, anxious, teased daily ....and all that is going to translate into what exactly when he is an adult? Doesnt necessarily mean anything

You seem to think his half brother went through a phase of being out, then later had a baby with a girl so obviously did the deed...and that automatically means he is not gay??? Well not in the truest sense of the word. Doesnt mean he isnt mostly gay/ bi. This is where you do get blind sided by the rest of society. It would be useless trying to convince you how many guys out there are like that, on the "dowm lo", secretly bi. You say no one has seen him for years, so how do you know he didnt run off so he could hook up with guys without worrying about what everyone thinks?

But my spidey sense is telling me you think this nephew is more the real deal.

Imagine if you started a thread. Advice on my 12 year old nephew, he has announced he is straight, thinks about boobs all the time, its just a phase, he is just doing it to piss off his mum. Most guys here snd in real life would be, dude WTF?

 

The kid just painted a bullseye on his forhead and you still think my largest concern is weather he is what he says he his.

Yeah I have some doubts on his reasons, but He's not ready for the harassment thats coming his way. Its not right that it is, but I do know he doesn't have the coping capabilities for when it gets bad. People are assholes, especially if your different.

Ive dealt with enough harassment over the years because of my own disability , wouldn't wish it on any one.

 

Well, by the sounds of it, you are going to look after him even if both parents end up not doing so. So kudos to you