Ok guys / girls - What's your advice to me to get my wife (of nearly 30 years marriage) to initiate sex with me rather than me having to initiate it for a change. I'm always the one who has to make the first move to show I want to have sex or just foreplay. She's not into any type of oral sex , anal , or anything else that she considers an inappropriate sexual act. She does allow intercourse thou - surprise ! Cum on, give me your ideas on this as I'm frustrated she doesn't like making sexual contact first unless I do first. It's our 30 wedding anniversary in 2 weeks time & I want idea s as to how to get her to initiate just for a change & maybe even sooner than our anniversary ?
I've asked her to several other times but she is not that way inclined. Seems as thou she prefer me to all the time instead. I dislike it being just one sided & she could easily try it if she had a few ideas how to but wont. She knows when I want to have sex thou. At nights when we go to bed, I often wonder - will she show me somehow she wants to have sex instead of me having to ask for it or show her I want to ?
Yeah, that would mean I wouldn't get to have sex at all anytime lol That's probably why I sometimes look at other sexy woman hoping they will make sexual advances towards me
Well played. The better my husband is the more I initiate. Maybe work on yourself and she'll want it more.
NZ, congratulations on so many years!!! It's a pity she doesn't initiate sex. You say you've already asked and she still doesn't do it. I don't see a solution for your problem. You could try a game. You'd write ways to initiate sex on pieces of paper you'd fold and keep in a jar. On other pieces of paper, you'd write other kind of stuff, like things she asks you to do and you don't like doing. So, it'd be half what she wants and half what you want. Put it all in the jar. If she agrees to the game, she'd take a paper from the jar a few days a week. The paper should be folded well, so that the content isn't known, unless you unfold it. You should know that women keep tag and for many women, the only bargain power is pussy. If she's cross with you for any reason, she may be making you pay for it with sex related things, like never initiating, even though she knows you'd like that. Look into the rest of your common life. Aren't there things SHE has to ask of you all the time? I'm talking about non sexual stuff. If there are, you could try to reverse the situation. So, women keep tags and women have elephant memory for grievances. Many couldn't care less for sex and know from early age the average man is more dependent on sex. When I say elephant memory, I mean a woman could be making a guy pay for something he said 40 years ago. With that in mind: when you were asking her for sex related stuff, were you also offering something SHE would want? Like you doing the dishes immediately after dinner, WITHOUT her having to ask and insist with you first? Some men think in terms of "I give her oral, but she still doesn't do it for me." But they forget lots of women couldn't care less for sex altogether, oral or what have you. Are they ever giving these women something these women care about? Negotiating well means knowing what the other part wants, or could want, and taking into account the sensibilities of the other part. Some people will never admit to their pettiness. Some people will never wanna lose face. Many women won't ever admit they did care for something men find petty. Many women don't have self esteem enough to admit to the inherent differences between male and female thinking. They're ashamed to think so female like and therefore, when you ask if there is a problem, they'll say NO, when the honest answer would be YES. A last bit of information. Even when you think a woman enjoys whatever sexual activity you do for her, and, in you logic, she'd wanna keep it happening, SHE may feel otherwise. Sex could be good, but still into the "too much of a bother" compartment. I think you could count yourself lucky you two are at least fucking. Many couples don't know sex anymore after 30 years.
Oh FFS, cos in 30 years he's never tried that? NZ, I think in your case for your wedding anniversary you should go treat yourself to a trip to the local brothel, 30 years of this, jeezus Lol, that was unusually deep, very Zen. Dont try and bend the spoon, thats impossible, instead realise the truth
Maybe I will just have to carry on as we have all these years & I will have to continue being the dominant one who initiates. I bought some sexy lingerie last year for her & asked if she would wear it to bed sometimes for me as a signal that she was wanting to have sex so I wouldn't have to be the one to make the first move. She did wear it to bed a few nights later but that never happened again - just a one off. We sometimes have sex once a week or once every fortnight but I show her I want to by usually fondling her not long after we get into bed. If I don't do that, nothing will ever occur.
Yeah, maybe when we get into bed or sometime before that, I should ask her if she's in the mood for foreplay or sex. If she says ok, maybe I should just ask her to make the first initiation when she's ready to & see what she does to me.
You could try that...get her thinking about it before she gets into bed, being romantic beforehand... ... If she's always been this way, its hard to change.. it sounds like its just her...
Yes, I have tried this idea before & she was ok with it. One night she agreed to it but she didn't do anything within the first 15 minutes after getting into bed. So I gave up & said good night to her. She probably got challenged trying to think of what she would do to initiate & couldn't cum up with any ideas of her own. So that's how creative she isn't. She's very creative at other interests she has but not that creative when it comes to sex. I'm the more sexually adventurous type in our marriage thou - always have been.
well... if she's never initiated before 15 minutes isn't that a massive amount of time... lol if you waited an hour maybe! I think you both need to understand where each other are coming from. Tell her you would like your back to be rubbed... start with something very easy / innocent like that...
My lover is in the OP's shoes. He and is wife have tried talking, fighting and counseling. Now he's trying me, and is starting to remember what it feels like to have a woman treat him like a man. Mistress. Probably the answer, though probably not a popular one.
As an older couple I know OP's feeling. I believe both our sex drives have hit rock bottom. My only hope is to do her favors or buy her gifts. I try to look at it on the bright side, because if we fucked like we used to. It would probably kill me.
OP, in all seriousness, sounds like you married a bit of a cold fish honestly. I don't mean to be rude or an ass, but what you've described I don't think there's anything you can do to make her initiate something on your 30th. This is obviously your role, so in this instance go with it and make the most of it. Regarding her not wanting to initiate or experiment, it's either one of a few things, but before I get into that here is what I'd recommend. For your anniversary, take her someplace romantic. Do your best to put the attention on her and make it special and all about her. Do things she likes or something you guys enjoy together. Or take her to a place that holds good memories for you guys. Basically do something that shows her what she means to you. Also get her some lingerie. Something tasteful, not slutty. Make a great "together" day out of things. Prep the room if at all possible (meaning flowers or flower peddles spread over the bed & floor, candles, fireplace). Whatever you can do or have the hotel do for you. At the end of the day you're still going to have to initiate things, but hopefully it's a great night. Now regarding her not initiating or wanting to experiment, I can emphasize a little bit with the initiation aspect. I've dated girls who were nymph maniacs who'd initiate all kinds of stuff and whom I might add I'd never consider "wife material" in that I'd be afraid I'd come home from work someday to find her banging half the high school football team. And that said I married a reserved woman who I thought would make a great mother & partner. I never threw sex into the requirements bag as the sex when dating was fine, but not explosive nymph sex. What I've learned is some woman initiate, and some do not. Probably has something to do with their upbringing, how F-ed up it was and how much of a role their father played in their life, or lack there of, seriously... Back on topic, it's kind of like asking a boy out on a date, some woman are forward, some are not, sit in the corner and wait for someone to ask them out. Initiating sex can be similar. On rare occasion my wife has initiated, but 99% of the time it's me initiating. Even when we are doing well, happy, in tune and on the same page it's unnatural for her to make the first move. But once I initiate things she'll take the reigns, and take the initiative, but that first trigger is usually always done by me. Regarding your situation it could very much be the same in that initiating something is just not something she does. That said if she's not "happy" and you guys don't have a great sex life then she may just be bored or not interested. Let me put it this way, when you do have sex, is it just about you getting your rocks off or do you concentrate on pleasing her as well? The fact that she's not into anything other than straight sex either means she simply has no interest or is scared. Blowjobs are all about her wanting to please you. If you go down on her that is your choice to do so, if she chooses not to go down on you there could be lots of reasons. Far as her not wanting to try anal, that can be very frightening for a woman. Communication is the overall key. But again don't go into this and think "How in 2 weeks can I get my wife of 30 years to take the initiative." You think that way you'll be boning a tin can on your 30th... Good luck
