ADULT Jokes ... (A Retro view)

So ...
A handsome man in a suit approaches a young lady at a bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. "Don't you have a girlfriend?" She asked. "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
He looked downcast, "No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "OK then, I'll have a white wine please."
One glass of wine led to a second. A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While he was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed. Can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
He said,“The wife found out."

 

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My wife crashed her car yesterday.
She told the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a can at the time.
The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own back garden.

 

My wife told me to go to the shops and gave me list of things to get: - Bread. Jam, Cream, Meatloaf, Cranberries, Rasperries, Marmalade and Black eyed peas, - I was happy to do so
But when I got back with my CD's and Albums - she was so disppointed, I've no idea why

 

I went on a Blind date recently.
We got to talking about what jobs we did.
I told her I worked in sales - she said I must be smooth talker. - I said thank you.
She told me she was a micro-biologist - I said I didn't think she was that small - she wasn't as equally appreciative though

 

I overheard my young next door neighnour talking on the to her friend on the phone.
She said she liked Funny men that had a nice ass.
So I'm off to the shop



- to chance my arm

 

I recently took a trip to Italy with the wife.
We went to the Zoo.
She didn't like it, and wouldn't stop complaing.
On and on, and on and on.
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We visited peguins and the seals
She complained and said "what' do they do here"? - This is Rome!".
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We visited peguins and the seals.
She complained and said "what' do they do here"? - This is Rome!". .
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We visited the Koalas abd Kangeroos
She complained and said "what' do they do here"? - This is Rome!".
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We then got to the Lion and Tiger enclosures - It was there when she stopped complaining
Well at least she got her answer to her question , and for after all "when in Rome""
It looked like she was, ... delicious