A strait guy and a lesbian

Discussion in 'Gay' started by Deventex, Aug 25, 2013.

  1. Deventex

    Deventex Guest

    I'll keep this brief, but it's something that's majorly troubling me, and I'm really looking for some insight, and I live in a very closed minded northern canadian city, so ya, there isn't much open mindedness here.
    I met a girl at work, and she was in a lesbian relationship (that was on the rock. I found out later, that this was indeed true, so she wasn't bsing).
    Before going any further, I'm well aware of how dangerous it is getting involved with someone whose involved with someone else. So I don't need to get blasted on that, I'd only appreciate feedback on that if its relevant, not nasty.
    We live in different cities, like 1000km away, but I visit her city regularly, and had plans to move there before I met her.
    Anyways, we talked. A lot. That progressed into sexting and pictures, that progressed into dream talking and all that. I was the guy who made her wonder if she really was gay. Treated her like a woman, something she had never done for her before. I put as much time, effort, and money as I could into seeing her smile, and she was always grateful.
    She came to my house a few times, and we fooled around, but never let it get out of hand (she was in a relationship after all, although one that was quickly coming to an end), but she seemed really into it.
    So after a few months of this, she left her girlfriend, got her own place and it finally lined up that I was going to be in her town, when we we're both single, and we had all these plans to make it this magically week, that well, never really panned out.
    She made it extremely difficult to hang out with her, I had to go through huge inconveniences, massive amounts of driving, weird hours, all this shit just to see her for the smallest amount of time, but it was Pride weekend in Vancouver, so I let it slide because she said it was a busy time for her; she felt it was going to be her last time to celebrate being a lesbian.. well, because of me lol.
    So finally, her and I got like an evening totally free from the world. It's was awesome, finally got to go out and be like a couple. Felt like being with any other strait chick who I was starting a relationship with. Until it came time to have sex.. and suddenly, that was it. We both realized the day after that things weren't the way we both believed them to be.
    I told her the next day I felt differently about her, and she told me she was super gay. We haven't really been able to communicate as well as we we're now, and I'm not sure where I stand with it all. She tries to talk, but I've lost interest. But there are some left over complications that I can't figure out on my own.. which is why I'm here.
    I tried to be brief with this, and I realized I failed, I'm sure that happens lots. I actually had to restrain myself from going on and on and super in depth.
    I guess on my end, what I'm looking to find out is:
    Why did she have feelings and seem sexually interested, until it came time to do it?
    Would it appear I was more led on? A good catalyst for ending her unhappy relationship?
    Also, she still tried to text me and talk to me, even though I am clearly showing her no interest, and told her a very clean goodbye. While it may seem heartless, I definitely got hurt from this one. Looking back I realize how silly it was falling for a lesbian in a relationship, 1000km away, but she walked down this road with me..
    Any other insight provided would be appreciated, this is a unique situation in my rather vast experience with relationships, so its even more bothersome to me that I'm so deeply bothered by it.
  2. saviorofmen

    saviorofmen Guest

    Have you asked her why she has feelings? Each situation is unique and different.
  3. nectar

    nectar Member

    I think you've said it all really- the crux of it was the sex. She obviously loved you as a person, felt you were someone she cares for, but at the end of it couldn't have a sexual relationship because she just isn't inclined that way.
    It also sounds to me like she was fancying the ideal of having the opposite sex- being as she was in a failing relationship with a woman. Like she was in Love with the idea of having a hetero relationship as a way to get out of her old one and start afresh, but when it came to it....I guess in that way you could say she led you on, because some part of her must have known how she felt towards men sexually, however it sounds as if she genuinely liked you as a person, and didn't know how to keep it platonic without losing you.
    You do right not to talk to her for a while, I would say, let sleeping dogs lie. Friendship may only be awkward. I would guess she is feeling a little guilty at things having got confusing between you. But if there is 1000km between you, you can both just go on with your selves.
    Don't fall for a Dyke next time!

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