A Song About Life... can I have some feedback?

Discussion in 'Hippies' started by WoodstockChild, Jun 6, 2006.

  1. WoodstockChild

    WoodstockChild Intrepid Traveler!

    I really need some feedback on a song I wrote.

    How am I
    Supposed to go one more step
    When I am so confused?
    How am I
    Supposed to go one more mile
    When it's a game I'm bound to lose?
    I'm trapped in a corner
    There's nobody else but me.

    It's all the same
    Crying all the night to ease the pain
    How much longer now?
    'Cause burning low is my immortal flame
    Is it really eternal?
    I just want to feel the rain
    Can they here me when I'm so far down here?

    They tell me that I've got to let go
    I fell they're never seeing through my eyes
    Sometimes it's what they say
    When they think I'm so far away
    Living in a dream
    Far from reality.

    Well, I had a dream
    That the reflection in the mirror wasn't me
    But someone more flawless.
    Why can't it be true?
    Why are some things far too perfect to be true?

    Where I'm at there's nowhere to go
    My love for this is more than you'll ever know
    The memory of some hopeful day
    They tell me that I'm living for lies
    "There's gotta be more to life"
    But I'm alright.

    Their broken hearts
    Crumble 'cause they lost their second chance
    Some people get no chance at all.
    They walk away
    Some things just seem to multiply the pain.

    I know life ain't easy to live
    I know it's all that life's got to give
    I wish you remembered me still
    But why be left broken by a hope?
    It's hard becase you gave me mine
    Can you tell me what life means?

    Alone by the sea
    Loss creates a different side of me
    When last words are spoken.
    Footprints fade
    But those made into the sands of time
    Survive.

    With every loss there's something to gain
    The sun will come to take away the rain
    Let memories suffice for the pain
    When you wanna lay down and die
    Or break down and cry
    Think of all that's passed you by
    In life...

    I tell you, I don't want to let go.
    Why can't you see through my eyes?
    Did you know that sometimes I cry
    For freedom from supression
    Before I die...

    How am I
    Supposed to go one more step
    When I am so confused?
    How am I
    Supposed to go one more mile
    When it's a game I'm bound to lose?
    I'm trapped in a corner
    There's nobody else but me.

    -Rani Lee Taylor, future rock star

    Thanks for your time, if I could have some feedback that would be aweosme :)
     
  2. Crosslight

    Crosslight Banned

    it's a nice poem.....but a nice poem don't make necessarily a good rock song' lyrics.....
    Anyway, i've no doubt you are a future rock star......
     
  3. Any Color You Like

    Any Color You Like Senior Member

    Well that's good... would be interesting to hear some guitar in background...
     
  4. WoodstockChild

    WoodstockChild Intrepid Traveler!

    Yep, I've got it all worked out, I just have no idea how to put music on the computer. If i ever find out I'll do it :)
     
  5. ayahuasca

    ayahuasca Member

    it's a bit sad, but it's good nonetheless.
     
  6. WoodstockChild

    WoodstockChild Intrepid Traveler!

    Thank you :)
     
  7. rogerelliott

    rogerelliott Member

    there is an cream song very simular to yours called who am I-check it out at rock hall of fame-or lyrics.com
     
  8. cerridwen

    cerridwen in stitches

    :) poetic :)
     
  9. nudeinthesand

    nudeinthesand Member

    i can't wait to hear that song.
     

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