The way I think about my wife is she's an only child and has almost always got her way whereas I'm naturally sensitive, agreeable and empathetic so I give more than I take and go without often. When only one of us can get our way I generally think it should be my wife because it's easier for both of us. She's like a child, she generally doesn't take it well, complains, takes time for self care - like taking a bath for two hours because she had to watch our son while I went out - but I'll watch him all day while working from home and night then she'll go out and ask me to clean the house while she's out. She had to clean the kitchen three days in a row because I was working and she wasn't so I left it messy after cooking thinking that was a fair division of labour. She does a lot of the things that the stereotypical lousy husband does but she also works hard at her job - another reason I cut her a lot of slack. I know you'll say communication is key but I've been talking to her for 8 years about big things, small things, medium sized things, all kinds of things and 9 times out of ten the result of talking is a minor concession that she'll attach big heavy strings to making the net result far more work for me than before we talked. The tenth time I get nothing or a fight some of which I'm still hurting from more than 5 years later. Do you think it's reasonable or condescending for me to see her that way and just concede that her capacity for giving or being inconvenienced is pretty pathetic compared to mine?
Its easier for me to say as I dont live with her . But I do think you need perhaps to let her be . Its her trait and you need to love her as I am sure you do ,the way she is . Very rarely a partner is 100% perfect . Another thing to consider is how lucky you are that you have a loyal partner . I go to many bars at weekends and can spot many single guys in their 40s and 50s ,many past their best date and looking pathetic , trying to attract a very small pool of women . Many of these will come with baggage as they would have most likely have been in a previous relationship.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to see someone just as they are, not as you wish they were or think that they should be. It must be hard to carry such hurt and resentment for so many years. Life is unbelievably short; what will your post read like when you're eighty? When you look back, will this be how you wanted to spend your life?
It is hard, that's why I'm here. So your solution is to accept her for the way she is but not resent her for it. I don't know how to do that. Any suggestions?
It takes some guys many years to finally reach this startling conclusion. Focus on the good points you have, otherwise you'll just up resenting her. Hopefully the sex is great - that makes up for a lot of crazy......
