A question for married bisexual men

KD23:

Man, you certainly would have made for one helluva college professor!

Damn, you've got your shit together!

In my adult lifetime, it was always the "EMOTIONAL" bonding with another male that was integral to my friendships; only my late best friend ever GAVE me the SAME emotional support and closeness that I gave him.

Another older (married) co-worker I REALLY had the hots for, and wanted to nail in the worst way, was a guy I also truly wanted to emotionally "bond" with; I REALLY wanted a strong friendship with him.

Well, to him, I was just another "co-worker"; sure, we got along OK, but it was far, far removed from what I wanted, that strong "bonding" friendship.

Well, deep down I KNEW there could be nothing between us, so I just moved on (I STILL fantasize about him, however)

There were two sides here:

With my best friend, though there was no sex between us, the strong emotional feelings I had for him he freely gave back to me.

The other fellow, I REALLY wanted as a close bud (if nothing else) saw in me only another guy he worked with.

Oh, well, ya just gotta put it behind you and move on...........

 

I had the "benefit" of asking questions that no one (a) wanted to answer or (b) didn't know the answer (and didn't want to know it) so I had to go digging for answers myself and I've learned some stuff along the way oh, like, why are gay guys... gay? How come they don't like girls? How come they just like boys? Years of talking to so many men about sex and sexuality and what they've experienced one way or another. Really got into abnormal psychology (and psychology) in college and learned some eye-opening stuff about classical conditioning and how it affects (a) having sex and (b) having relationships and... I have so much shit crammed into my head that it's not even funny but one of the things I have always valued is what I've learned about men over all this time.

So, I was supposed to have a bond with my father and brother but I had a deeper bond with my male first cousin and we did a lot of things together and so much that people thought we were brothers (that and we have the same last name). I had a sexual bond with my brother; sex deepened the bond with my cousin and I loved both of them but not in the romantic sense, if that makes bour best friend, who can you have sex with - and who are you supposed to have sex with? I've had deep and rather emotional bonds with some guys who I'd never have sex with... because I know who they are as a person and they weren't someone I'd want to have sex with.

But forming sexual and/or emotional bonds with other men doesn't make you gay - it just makes you human and like everyone else is and it's... the nature of the beast that we all are but do our best to categorically deny. You like some guys and don't like others and sometimes, you really like a guy but short of things getting sexual, emotional, or romantic and sometimes you really like a guy and wanting to share sex with him makes sense given that you've shared so much with each other already and, sometimes, "I love you like a brother!" really means that I'm in love with you and it's feeling kinda awkward - but I don't have to have feelings for you like this in order to have sex with you and... yeah, I've learned some shit about us guys that, today, explains much and I keep learning stuff because, sure, we're all men but we're all different men, aren't we?

 

KD23:

Once again:

A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I would like to bond with you

 

"Bonding" I feel, is something either grossly taken for granted among straight men, or not even given a second thought.

ALL men have EMOTIONS, and there is NOTHING shameful or unmasculine whatsoever about wanting to be emotionally close to another man.

Sadly, the "gay" stigma is still wreaking its destructive havoc, thanks to narrow-minded idiots, who haven't a clue.

The thing is to rise above all the "PUB" (Pure Unadulterated Bullshit") that far too many seem to think is the gospel truth..................

 

Part of our social skill building is to make friends and we get told that we can have male friends but don't get too close to them and definitely do not get sexual with them (because that's gay) and what we find out is that the admonishments - the PUB - that has some truth to it but is not the whole, unvarnished truth. Not all gay men are evil motherfuckers but gay men have not done men any favors with their in-your-face-I-like-dick mannerisms and attitudes, and they become proof that homosexuality is a sin because God said so and it says so in the bible and this is what gets in the way of male bonding - this instilled fear of homosexuals. Yet many of us do form bonds with other guys up to and including being casually sexual with each other because the more we learn about the world around us, the less sense the social conditioning we get makes. And it doesn't help that we're taught to also look at each other as competition and for a lot of things.

Many of us learn that it's okay to let our more "tender emotions" show; we do, in fact, cry and we can learn to be romantically in love with each other without being gay... if we can ignore the dumb shit.

 

KD23:

Once again:

A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Have NEVER disclosed that part of me to anyone, other than the men I have been with. However, now...this late in the game, I would share that about me to anyone that might inquire.

 

That's what's up! Lucky you.

 

The only people that know I am bisexual are the men and women that I have and/or had sex with. I see no point in advertising it to others. I enjoy what I enjoy and the partners I've been with whether male or female have never once complained.

 

I'm curious how you had deep emotional bonds with some friends, yet didn't want to have sex with them? Was because they were vehemently against it? Or a body type you didn't like? If it's too personal you don't need to answer. It just made me scratch my head. The few friends I have an emotional bond with, I would, but only if they were into it. But it's a catch-22, in that Id never ask out of fear of offending then or ruining the friendship bond. And even if they had the interest, they'd probably be the same way be a use of bi and homophobia.

 

We didn't need to have sex. It's not like we never thought or talked about it because we did... and we were just very close friends with nothing sexual between us. I had had friends that I bonded with and who I'd have sex with them anytime, anywhere because when things got sexual, um, we didn't find reason to say no to each other. For the ones I was close with and no sex, the question could be would I have had sex with them if they had asked? I'd have to say that I would have given it a lot of very serious thought and, yeah, I probably would have and like the other guys I'd bonded with. I can honestly say that with two such friends, yeah, at first, oh, boy, I wanted to suck their dick and feel it inside of me but once we really got to talking, there was "no need" to have sex.

Your question wasn't too personal, by the way. I had a lot of sex with a lot of my friends... and some of my friends I never had sex with and never even thought about it with them. You're not the first person to ask me a question like that and the person that had asked me a very long time ago had me sitting down and thinking about those early friendship and the ones where sex was rampant (and a lot of fun) and where it was absent from the friendship. For me, it was a lesson in intimacy, i.e., you can be close and intimate with someone and sex isn't a part of things, and it was also a lesson that the younger version of myself might not have understood but the boundary was respected mutually or yeah - didn't want to ruin the friendship was also a good reason for us to keep it in our pants.

We could talk to each other about the sex we were having with other guys/gals and in great detail and, yeah, it'd get us horny as all get out and we'd part company so we could go have sex with someone. We'd even seen each other naked quite a few times. Adult Me asks if we should've and/or could've had sex and maybe we could have... but we didn't. Just how it was.

 

KD23:

As always, truly refreshing to hear a man tell his TRUE story (regarding his past sexual activities) in a mature and intelligent manner, where honesty is indeed the byword............

 

I learned that just because you can do it doesn't mean that you always have to. In my younger days and hanging with my friends, there were guys who I had sex with damned near on a daily basis and there were guys I wouldn't have sex with even if my life depended on it... and then, there were the guys I was close to and... having sex never came up and, as I wrote, we didn't have to. True enough, I sucked and fucked my way into the teenaged years with near reckless abandon but there were always close friends that I just didn't need to have sex with.

Which was fine since I had plenty of other friends I could have tons of sex with. I like to say that the best years of my bisexual life were between the ages of 9 and 16 because who knew that having sex with guys could be so damned good? Sucking and being sucked; fucking and being fucked. And then, having sex with girls and eating their delicious pussies until they begged me to stick it in, fuck them, and cum inside of them. All kinds of group sex and the kind that adult would cream their underwear to be able to have.

 

KD23:

If "experience" is indeed the best teacher of all, man, what an awe-inspiring adult college professor you'd make, guiding the studious fellows through such "hands on" classes such as:

"FUCKology 101"

"SUCKology 101"

(I'd sure love to see what your students would do for "extra credit"!!)

 

Experience is the best teacher; the watchwords are always, "Practice, practice, practice... then practice some more." My students should be able to pass those two 101 classes easily... but there's more to sex and sexuality than just fucking and sucking...

 

KD23:

A VERY valid point to bring up, for sure!

Indeed, there is a LOT more to it than just the sex; after all, our sexuality indeed defines WHO we are and WHAT we are!

I'd sure as well love to teach an adult male college class:

"SPANKology 101"

(extra credit freely given!)

I'd make sure they stayed true to the class slogan:

"MEAT IN THE SEAT- 'HEAT IN THE SEAT' "!

I'd also teach an alternate class:

"BLAZING SADDLES"!

 

Why am I not surprised at what you'd teach?

 

KD23:

Let's just say you've not forgotten that not only I'm a man who prefers guys to have "plenty of meat in the seat", but also, one who "prefers the buns well-toasted before he slips in the beef"!

 

Nope - I've not forgotten! You should be out there doing just that...