A question for married bisexual men

Goint point, for sure.

The wife MIGHT say: "We can talk about ANYTHING.....you can TELL me ANYTHING."

Sure, you can TELL her EVERYTHING, BUT......HOW is she going to REACT?

Will she be totally understanding and open-minded, as you had hoped?

Or, will she have a TOTAL meltdown, screaming, crying, and totally losing it?

It would indeed seem that, these days, sometimes the people that SAY they are "accepting" and "open minded", are, in fact, NOTHING of the sort.

Same thing with the "double-standard" we've talked about in the past; many straight guys salivate watching porn with two attractive WOMEN having sex (then, GAY is OK!), BUT, if it's two MEN having sex, Jesus, these guys act as though they were watching the most appaling and disgusting sexual behavior on earth.

Once again, SEX is SEX.

Add to this screwed-up way of thinking, when you gotta hear the "holy rollers" spouting off about the degenerate evils of same-sex relations, and sex with a WOMAN is ONLY to produce more offspring!

Yeah, right......................

 

In all honesty, you can hope that she stays cool and calm and talks with you about this like an adult and you discover that she's more open-minded that you could have guessed. A lot of straight guys can watch porn with two guys going at it and it doesn't bother them... because it's not them having the sex but even I say that watching two guys going at it isn't what I'd call sexy. Likewise, watching two women going at it is about as sensual, erotic and exciting than anything I've ever seen, and I do mean up close and personal... and fuck the double standard that gives women a pass... because I know the truth.

Then, um, we figured out how to have babies without any sex happening, so who gives a fuck what the holy rollers are talking about? But if she loses her shit, well, damn. Could she be reasonable and continue to talk about it after this initial shock? It's possible but, nah, not all that likely. So, again, do you come clean, or do you plead the 5th and invoke your Miranda right to remain silent?

See, when you say, "Sex is sex," I know what that really means since I have an unadulterated view of it, but many females hold true to sex only being between a man and a woman and the firmly believe in the rules of being in a relationship, i.e., keep only unto yourself so, yeah, telling her can get you fucked and not in a good way.

 

Another old saying

"The truth shall set you free."

Regardless of our personal turn-ons, desires, preferences, etc., we ALL have our different tastes; not a one of us has EXACTLY the SAME "turn-ons" as, say, our partners, spouses, friends, etc.

Then, too, another old saying:

"Appearances are often deceiving".

Also, think about the the "quiet, meek, mild-mannered type guy" who looks like a "milquetoast" type of fellow, when, in fact, it could very well be he's a total wild man in bed, with either women OR men.....or BOTH, and hung like a horse.

Too, think of how many marriages appear to be "happy", "stable", "equal", when in fact, the marriage is as rocky as a jagged cliff, and as stormy as a line of powerful, lightning-infused thunderstorms.

In truth, "WHAT you see is NOT neccesarily WHAT you GET"..................

 

The truth will set you free... from your fiancée or wife if you tell her that you like guys and their dicks/asses, too. The rest of what you said has truisms in it but doesn't necessarily tie into the main thrust of the topic, other than things not being as they appear; if bisexuality has shaken up the relationship, do you act like nothing's wrong because you know that if you give any indication that the marriage/relationship is on the rocks, the rumors and innuendos will start to fly and now you have people all up in your business?

I've seen couple do this and it's usually keyed on the wife, who is seriously upset over something her fiancé/husband/boyfriend told her. Like, uh, when he was 15, he sucked his best friend's dick and was getting sucked off by said friend, for example. I've seen and heard women say that this was in his past and didn't involve her - just as long as he's not doing it now. I've heard women accuse the guy of having cheated on her, which is silly since he's telling her about something that happened before they met and were a couple and if she doesn't do this, then she'll accuse him of actively cheating on her now and now she's all butt-hurt over your betrayal and a truck load of emotional shit that has taken a conversation about you... and made it all about her.

But I've also heard women listen to what he has to say - and maybe only interrupt him so he can clarify something; otherwise, she patiently waits until he's done talking and then she asks her questions if she still has some but, of course, her main concern is going to be how this might affect or impact the relationship which is why, by the way, if you're going to tell her, you also include speaking to any- and everything you know she might bring up - it says to her that you're not only thinking about the relationship but you're thinking about her, too. Whether it gets you permission or not is yet again a whole different kettle fish.

 

My fiancee knew when we dated that I was also interested in guys, more from a physical than emotional point of view. It's like my emotional need for companionship is out of sync with my physical lusts. I've never acted on it with a guy, but in recent years, the yearning has gotten stronger. She knows that too and has suggested I could do something about it, but not with her involved. I suspect if I started it would just lead to more, which is scary. I love her deeply and want to stay monogamous, but the feelings are difficult to manage, and I get depressed. So I take it one day at a time, and try to keep the communication open when she is comfortable. Talking it through helps me to not just focus on myself and keep it in perspective. I'm not sure where this will lead, but am working on living in the here and now and learning to accept where I am at on the journey.

 

I told my fiancee, now wife, about my one experience with a guy. I was scared to tell her, in case, she decided it was too much for her, but it turned out to be just the opposite. She wanted to know more and we started fantasizing about her watching me with another guy. That hasn't happened yet, but we now fantasize about so much more than her just watching. It's gotten to the point that we dream up all kinds of mmff situations now. It's so hot. I really hope we get to experience this at least once.

UPDATE: The other night, my wife and I were getting ready for bed (both of us very tired and yet horny) and she asked me to give her details about my mm experience. I asked if we could talk about this more when were both more awake and she said sure. A couple of days later we woke up and I asked if she was ready to hear more about my mm experience and she said, you just made me wetter, YES, tel me more. We had a long chat as I gave her details and she asked questions. It was so hot! Needless to say, this discussion led to a morning of great sex.

 

Much to my regret, I didn't tell her until 13 years later. That was an inexcusable failure of not only judgement, but integrity and courage, which I deeply regret and something she never fails to ridicule and shame me about at every opportunity, despite 13 years of meticulously faithful monogamy..

 

All of us make mistakes of different magnitudes throughout our lives; however, there IS such a thing as forgiveness, as well as understanding.

Too bad your wife cannot see this..................

 

And it's reactions like this that makes men not want to tell their woman about it. Tell the truth - and no matter how long it took you to tell it - and be ridiculed and shamed for it? Oh, hell, no...

 

That kinda makes me think that women are part of the reason guys don't 'open up' about their desires or even, their medical issues. (The ones we're apparently reluctant to discuss, such as prostate issues).
I wish the world was such that wanking was no longer taboo and same-sex play wasn't frowned upon.
Let's all just play sexually, regardless of gender and enjoy the pleasure we get.
That would be my kind of world.
(I'd love a national nudity day and a national masturbation day where regardless of what we actually do, with our body, men or women, we won't be prosecuted or persecuted).

 

before I went bi, I had a encounter with a young co-worker female (a virgin). Not much opportunity for bed time, so I started to drop her off after work.
Then I found a nice private location after work, where we parked. She gave me a blow job every night after work for months until she took another job.
My wife always asked why I came home late. I always blamed it on traffic. My then wife passed away years later. My co-workers husband also passed
away. Yes, she's now my wife, and I got her virginity long ago,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yum yum

 

I never tell anyone anything. However, my switch came about after the wife ceased bedroom sports interests. Women were scarce and expensive, so I
took a chance once when I guy pulled out his tool in an adult book store and offered it to me. I did not know what to do, but was not offended.
So, took him a corner and drained him. Unknown to me, a couple guys were behind me, and after I drained the first guy, I also drained the other 2 guys.
I learned fast. It was a pleasant experience and I never stopped. Also learned to swallow....................Never came across a black cock, yet....................

 

It's women, the social stigma that men who like men have to deal with, it's "what a man is supposed to do" and not be a wuss or a pussy about anything and be willing to sacrifice his all - including his life - to stay true to what it means to be a man. A lot of men die from prostate cancer because if you let someone stick their finger in your ass, that's some gay shit. We can wish that the world was different; we can sit on our asses waiting for the world to change... or we can take our destinies into our own hands and live the life we want to live, from sex with other guys to being able to pleasure ourselves without listening to a bunch of bullshit about it.

Last I heard, there is a national masturbation day - I don't remember what day it is, though but, um, every day is national masturbation day, isn't it?

 

KDaddy23:

"National Masturbation Day"?

Well, then let's ALL RISE to celebrate the occassion!!!!!!!

 

I'm 53, bi and married. My wife doesn't know.

I started exploring and playing with guys in my early 30's during a sex dry spell. It was strictly about getting off. I never had a regular buddy. It was always random guys on Craigslist.

I met my now wife in my late 30's. It was getting serious and we started talking about a future. I never had a GF for very long and my prospects weren't that good. So, I thought "Don't screw this up by revealing your past."

My naive mind thought that I could move forward with her and leave men behind. There was no reason to tell her.

Before we got engaged, we were physically apart. To fill the sexual gap, I went back to my old ways. I had the realization that I REALLY liked cock. I still love pussy, but I could not deny that my desire for cock was real.

I resolved in my mind that I was bi. The options that I had were A) Tell her and be alone the rest of my life, B) Don't tell her and take this to the grave.

Obviously, I chose B. I have cheated on my wife with men. I don't try to find some clever justification for it. I come to this site when I have privacy and I chat with men online.

I have given her every reason to be suspicious and she does suspect that I have or am cheating on her. I doubt that she has ever considered that it would be with a man.

I have chosen to lead the double life and one day may get caught.

 

Actually, it's more like being on the horns of a dilemma...

 

From what I have read here in recent weeks, I would have to agree with you 100%.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't..............

 

Yes, that condition has always existed or is presumed to exist until it's proven that it doesn't. On the surface, being bi and married is being stuck between a rock and a hard place but, again, more like being stuck on the horns of a dilemma because at the point the bisexual realizes they're stuck, the question becomes one of how to get unstuck... and that's when things can get interesting and not always in a good way. Do you tell your partner about this and risk their wrath or, worse, have them brush off what you have to say by calling it a phase or otherwise making it a non-issue? Do you go for full disclosure when it looks like the relationship is going to take wings - and with the understanding that there are things that women will not ever tell anyone and is protected under "a girl's gotta have some secrets?" If the bisexuality bug bites you after the relationship has been going on, do you tell them once you "confirm" the way you're thinking and feeling and, again, risk their wrath?

This is when, historically, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't but still stuck on the horns of a dilemma because either way, your choices are to do something about it... or don't do anything about it to keep the peace and your partner. It's not that you wind up there but what you do when you get between that rock and hard place that seems to be inescapable... but you can escape if you're willing to take on some risk to be able to get from between this place - and off the horns of a dilemma. Bisexuality, in and of itself, doesn't cause this problem: Our social norms where relationships are concerned causes this problem because, unmarried or married, you are to keep only unto yourself... or else.

 

Here again, we have the giant jackpot question at hand.

DO you "come clean" with the wife, regarding your desires for sex with other men?

OR, do you just continue playing "on the sly", but using all precautions and discretion?

Somehow or other, UNLESS the bisexual hubby has a VERY liberal, open-minded wife. IS the risk even worth contemplating?

IMHO, there certainly is no easy, quick, "cut-and-dry" solution to be utilized, here, in this potentially-explosive situation........"do so at your own risk", as some might say..................

 

Yes... or yes. Depends on some stuff either way. Is the risk worth contemplating? Yes, if one isn't risk-adverse and even if one isn't so risk-adverse, you do so at your own risk and peril when the weight of those time-honored social norms comes crashing down on your head. And why couldn't a guy have a conservative, open-minded wife? Don't we just require her to be open-minded?