A question for married bisexual men

I've had more guys come back for more than those guys who did it once but weren't able to process (a) what they wanted to do and (b) the fact that they did it. I think that of the guys who "tried it, didn't like it," maybe two or three came back to try it again and now they like it - but that was after they had time to process crossing a line that males aren't supposed to cross.

One of the things I found out was that the guilt they said they felt didn't land on them like a ton of brick until after they busted a nut - and I've seen some ugly shit in this moment and I'm thinking that it was my fault and even think that it was his fault because he didn't think this through or didn't believe what I was telling him about it but I found that, in the majority of times and in my experiences, Mother Nature was at fault and thanks to that motherfucking refractory period of sex. Those guys would tell me that while we were doing whatever we were doing, they knew that they shouldn't be doing it but, by golly wow, it sure felt good to seriously good and I don't think it mattered a whole lot as to why we were having whatever sex we were into but when they came? Now they feel horribly guilty, those fears of having been turned into a gay dude has cropped up again and while I was able to talk a lot of guys "off the ledge," I had to accept the reality that you can't save everyone.

I noticed that sense of guilt whenever I had sex - and that included jerking off - and it drove me crazy trying to figure out how I could go from "Oh, yeah, this is great!" to "I need to find some glass to eat..." and in a matter of seconds but I remember reading something in high school biology class that (a) had to do with sex and (b) who knew there were stages to sex from the arousal stage to, yup, that goddamned refractory period where you don't want anything to do with sex after orgasm/ejaculation. Once I learned that this was responsible - for the most part - for that guilty feeling, the sucky part was... there's nothing that can be done about it. It's different in everyone and doesn't always affect someone the same way every time but, sure, there were guys who fell deep into guilt because of the stigmas and what we were told/taught about (a) having sex and (b) the great taboo and sin of having sex with another male.

One guy was bawling like a baby (and upsetting me big time) and going on and on about how he shouldn't have done it and that he knew that he shouldn't have and it made me ask him, "So, why did you do it? Why did you agree to giving and getting some head if you knew that shouldn't and, oh, yeah, I told you what the downside can be?" It's like, um, fuck, you should have thought about that before you did it but I came to understand that while a lot of guys are aware of the taboo and stigma, that need to actually have sex with someone is very damned hardwired into us as a species; masturbation is fine but nothing beats having sex of some kind with someone else.

I had asked him if, while we were in a 69 and blowing each other, if he felt guilty or anything and after hemming and hawing for a few he said, "No, I didn't and I felt wonderful and you're really good at sucking dick..." I pointed out to him that he only felt bad about what we did after he came in my mouth and once he came down from that particular high, he had what I call "the moment of absolutely clarity" when one will ask themselves, "What the fuck did I just do?" And... here comes the guilt and I mean guilt on top of the emotional crash and burn that guys experience post-ejaculation.

I know other than those two or three guys, none of the other "one and done" guys ever came back to me for more of the same - but it doesn't mean that they didn't get jiggy with some other guy somewhere down the road and if they did, I rarely found out about it and if they did it again with someone else and now they're really good with it, I'm happy for them because I learned that this is some hellified shit to be processed given what we're taught about having sex.

 

KD23:

EXCELLENT, in-depth response (as is the norm regarding your always-intriguing recollections, views, and opinions........

 

You asked a question, I had an answer. This is one of those situations where, during my pre-sex conversation with new guys, I'll tell them that if they can get past doing it once, they should do it a couple more times to see if they really like it and experience the differences between guys, the time of day, location, and other things that can make a "simple" blowjob the .best thing ever or a reason for them to spend the rest of their lives kicking their own asses about it.

I've had "the talk" with a guy, he goes and has his first time with another guy and now he's back to talk to me about it and, usually, what he felt went wrong. Now, I'd told them that what I'm telling them is what I've learned from both actual experience and what I know other guys have experienced and, yeah, your results are going to vary because - and I still hate to say it - some guys don't know how to act when their dick gets hard. It's not always about me "putting in my bid" to take their cherry but if you're going to introduce a guy to this, you tell them the truths that are involved and that can be experienced.

Have I had a guy for his second time because his first time left him feeling guilty, dirty, so on and so forth? Yes... and it says something about our need to have sex in that you can have a not-so-good experience but you realize that while the sex was taking place, it was all good until something happened to make it not good.

No one bothered to have such a talk with me even though it turned out okay for me; I'd seen other guys get tossed in to sink or swim and they wind up sinking when, if they had been told what the deal was, what to expect, etc., then their first experience wouldn't have been all that traumatic and explaining it to them in real-deal, real-life ways makes all the difference in the doing it and going forward being damned glad that they did it and kicking their ass feeling guilty or letting the stigma control their sexual lives.

 

KD23:

With no one to "mentor" me on the subject of M2M sex, I, literally, "learned" via the few gay magazines then just hitting the stands (I remember "DRUMMER" and "HONCHO" in particular.

Later on, porn flicks further enhanced my "knowledge", in a big way.

However, for reasons well known to you already, I had no desire to try to "scope out" a "mentor"/"FWB"/life partner whose preferences were the same as mine.

The cons (IMHO) far outweighed the pros.

OKm so my life ain't what I had once hope for, in my much younger days.

Well, I sure as hell ain't going to sit around and moan all day; I'm in charge of MY life, and I derive great enjoyment and pleasure by drawing from the resources within me, and am STILL holding my own.

Once again, I long ago learned to "adapt".........

 

I learned by doing. On-the-job training. Trial and error. Sure, the cons always outweigh the pros but it's like the medication that has a gazillion side effects, but the doctor still prescribes it because he knows it's going to work on what ails you. I know that the thing that made me stand out was that it just wasn't figuring out what to do - it was trying to wrap my head around what I'd find out is the sciences of sex and human nature. The what was... easy. Usually a lot of fun but, sometimes, yeah, not so much but everything is a learning opportunity and in trying to get a grip on the why of things, it's when I learned how flawed our morality is and right back to the source of it. Hmm. Religion and our morals forbid men to have sex with each other but it wasn't doing much to stop men from doing it, was it? I can recount a lot of times where I'd be blowing a guy and he's incredulous that a guy sucking his cock - or a young guy like me doing it - was meeting and exceeding expectations.

One guy said, "You suck dick like you've been doing it all of your life!" and I said, "Yeah, that's kinda right because I've been doing it since I was nine..." - and took him back into my mouth to suck him off again. When you know why, the rest is kinda easy or I've always thought so but what quickly became aware to me was the guys I was encountering who hadn't been told what they were being asked to get into or they were in that "be careful what you wish for" category and, more often than not, disaster would come along and fuck them up because they didn't know what or why... but I did so when a guy would ask, "Have you ever done it with another boy?" and I said that I had, I could also tell them what they were getting into if their next question was, "Do you wanna do it with me?"

I'd one day learn that I was giving new guys that chance to make an informed decision instead of doing what other guys were doing - getting a newbie and tossing them into the deep end and not caring what happened to them as long as they busted a nut in them somewhere.

Yeah, I miss the good old days, but I've felt that I've met and exceeded by own expectations in my life. I learned so very long ago now that if you can't improvise and adapt as and when needed, you might be fucked and not in a good way. Being bisexual taught me this; having sex with guys and gals taught me this and if you're going to be in the pool, it's always best to have an idea how deep the water is and where you can be to ensure that (a) you're going to be safe and (b) you're going to have one hell of a good time with this sex thing.

 

Well said, my friend!

As I've said before, NO GRASS ever grew under YOUR feet!

Go, man, go, and "don't stop 'till you drop!" (at least 20 years from now!)

 

What happens when you let grass grow under your feet? What happens when you know there are things you should be doing... but you don't do them?

What regrets are you going to carry in the final moments of your life? I know, hard, ugly question, but I had this one life-long friend, and I had offered to blow him because we were close like that and he said no. Years later, I see him in the hospital and he's dying of liver cancer and one of the things he told me was, "You know, I should have let you suck my dick. I wanted you to; I needed to have it done but I was too afraid and now... it's too late."

He died two days later.

I don't understand why anyone would let grass grow under their feet...

 

Truly tragic, for certain; yoi'd think we'd have beaten cancer by now.

My dad died in 1980 from the same type of cancer; I still try to keep the memories of that dark time locked away as much as possible.

I think that, most folks, again regardless of orientation, near the end of their time here on Earth, reflect back on their lives, and find that they have more than a few things that they now regret.

It's all sad.................

 

I'm sitting astride on a guy's dick and slowly grinding on it and he says to me, "I am so glad that I finally decided to do this!"

"Why didn't you know this before now?" I asked and as if I wasn't filled with his dick.

"I was scared, afraid that I'd wind up being gay," he says, well, barely says it because I can feel he's about to cum in me.

He cums and experience tells me that he's probably never busted a nut so hard before in his life; he's got this grimace/smile on his face because he now understands that what we just did was... just sex. The only regret he has now is that he didn't do this before this moment. On this day, he learned how to suck dick and swallow cum; he learned to just relax and let me suck him until he cums. We rested, got something to eat and drink and I filled his backside with my hardness, followed by my cum and, as you just read, I rode him until he busted deep inside of me.

"Why didn't I do any of this before now? Why do I regret not doing it?" he asks.

"That probably because you didn't know the truth of this," I said as I climbed off of him and I see a big glob of his cum fall out of me to land on his leg. "It's the same thing a lot of guys say and it's nothing to feel regretful over; you could have done it, you didn't do it, and that was then... and this is now."

"Now you know what a lot of guys know: There's nothing to be afraid of," I said. "I don't know about you, but I need a shower..."