A question for married bisexual men

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by GrayGuy57, Apr 26, 2024.

  1. GrayGuy57

    GrayGuy57 Members

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    Before you married, did you inform to your fiancee that you were bi?

    If so, how did she react?

    Or, did you wait until later in your marriage to reveal to her your sexual preferences?

    Again, how did your wife take it?

    Or, did you simply "keep mum" and simply "do your thing" on the side, without her knowing?
     
  2. KDaddy23

    KDaddy23 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    She was hyped; excited; wanted to hear all about my exploits with men and even wanted to watch me suck a guy's dick which she admitted made her hotter than the sun to see me doing it. She understood that my bisexuality has nothing to do with my feelings and desire for her and said that if I needed some dick, I should get it because she didn't want to be dealing me and I'm cranky because I couldn't get any dick.

    I got one of rare women who... gets it.
     
  3. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    I did not tell her for a long time.
    Before we met and were married, I was out for a brief time as gay. I had some bad experiences with a couple guys I dated. I had a hard time fitting into the gay community I discovered at that time, and following my break-up with one guy, I became very depressed - had no gay friends I felt I could turn to - and I retreated back into the closet - I took a deep dive into Born-Again Christianity, and I was determined to have God remove this "curse" from me. Of course, God did not answer my many prayers... and as time went on, I continued to struggle with it all. I wrestled with my attraction to men. I could not find peace - and I thought in religion I should at the least have some sort of peace.
    I had a good marriage starting out, and I focused on my wife and children for several years..
    I did finally tell my wife of my struggles and the temptations - but even then, I told her I didn't want to be gay or bisexual. I don't think I ever used the word bisexual back then.
    As time went by, and the kids were growing up, and my wife and I began to drift, creating a sexless marriage, I began to be drawn back to my gay side - and of course, kept this side of me a secret... but secrets have a way of being revealed.
    Long story - and answer to your question...
    She did not take it well.
    I have that peace I was looking for, though.

    And this is my 13-hundredth post on HIP forums.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2024
    Suburbanray, KDaddy23 and GrayGuy57 like this.
  4. MJSkier

    MJSkier Members

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    Nope I had no idea I was that way until many years later I. My marriage
     
  5. bimale69101

    bimale69101 Members

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    I told my wife early in our relationship that I had fantasies of m2m sex. She wasn't freaked out about it. She said she understood but was to worried that if we acted on it that it would wreck our relationship. We have married 25 years
    we have talked about it several times over the years. She even brought it up a few times but I haven't been able to get her over the edge and try mmf. I have hooked up with a few guys over the years. Some times the desire of being with a man is overwhelming and hard to control. Hopefully someday my wife will want to watch or join.
     
  6. GrayGuy57

    GrayGuy57 Members

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    Sure hope that, one day, you'll expand your sexual "horizons" even further, and maybe even get into "having fun" with several like-minded guys at the same time.

    Yeah, when the desire to have sex with other men takes hold , from what I've heard, it has no intentions of retreating or loosening its grip on you.........be yourself and "enjoy the ride"....
     
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  7. KDaddy23

    KDaddy23 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Yep - once it has a hold on you, it's never letting go. You can try ignoring it but it's always there, just under the surface and reminding you that it's still there and isn't going anywhere until you get some dick - and that just cements its hold on you even more.
     
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  8. Suburbanray

    Suburbanray Members

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    Exactly! You described it so well & succinctly!
    The interest just doesn't go away, no matter how much my preference for women is. It's ridiculous that this gets stigmatized even though it's been around since ancient times! Hell, the Greeks and Romans put it on murals and vases!
     
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  9. KDaddy23

    KDaddy23 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    You can get all the pussy you can handle - and the craving for cock will still be right there and demanding attention. I understand why it got stigmatized but you're fighting a war against human nature... and human nature will win every time. Once you do it, you don't want to stop doing it and, yeah, you can see it in ancient art and in a lot of cultures!
     
  10. LowHangers

    LowHangers Members

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    During my first marriage of 25 years, I began mutually sucking dick with other married guys during our dry spells of sex with the wife. I was doing so quite often behind her back; I could never have told her. My present wife was informed of my past while dating and she stated she heard men in there 40's-50's were cock suckers and thought it was hot to be dating a man that enjoyed sucking dick as much as she did. The first time she witnessed me doing so she was so turned on and amazed with my oral skills.
     
  11. GrayGuy57

    GrayGuy57 Members

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    I am sure that many married bi guys whose wives are not as receptive to the idea of their husbands going for cock as your present wife indeed would say you are quite fortunate, to say the least.........
     
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  12. GrayGuy57

    GrayGuy57 Members

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    It would also seem that a married bisexual man must engage in an emotional tug-of-war with their spouses, if the wife isn't at all happy about the husband's needs and desires to having sex with other males.

    From accounts I've been reading here, the bi married man whose wife is entirely open-open minded about the situation, is far more fortunate than he realizes..............
     
  13. LowHangers

    LowHangers Members

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    Yes, we are, thus why for the last 10 years of my first marriage of 25 years I kept my desires for "cock" hidden away from her. Men and women are wired different and that is a fact. Our cock if neglected will seek out any means to get satisfaction and the fear of being caught in the act of same sex is a huge burden for many of us. It was for me for 15 years. Once I discovered the joys and satisfaction of sucking another man's cock provided me and him, I was hooked on sucking dick and could no longer control myself as her sexual neglect towards me was replaced by the needs of other neglected married men.
     
  14. KDaddy23

    KDaddy23 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Among us bi guys, it is well known that there are women who do not like the idea of their man liking and wanting sex from other men and even when they decide that they're not going to have sex with us any longer. So, any guy who gets his woman's blessing is, indeed, fortunate and so is the guy who's cheating on her to get his dick fix and... she's not busting his ass about it and, really, if you think she doesn't know, that's a mistake on your part because it's almost too easy for them to rule out that you're having sex with another woman and that leaves only one other thing. And she's not likely to confront him about it as long as he's taking care of things at home and like he's supposed to be doing.

    The thing is that this situation is older than fuck and we clearly have not learned a fucking thing because it's still a problem for bisexual married men...
     
  15. KDaddy23

    KDaddy23 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    And before you ask - or if you were wondering - here are the choices a bisexual married man has:

    1. Do nothing. Don't rock the boat or awaken a sleeping monster. If you have no idea where your lady stands on the subject of homosexuality, doing nothing is a smart thing to do. Find a way to be content with just masturbating to fantasies of having sex with men.
    2. Ask for permission. This requires an in-depth conversation with your lady and one where you tell her everything about what's getting you to ask her for permission to have sex with men. But do not start this with her without giving some very serious thought about what she might want in return for giving you this rare permission - and if you aren't willing to give her whatever she asks for, you're not going to get permission; if you run afoul of any conditions she puts on you as far as what you can do, who you can do it with and even when and where you can, your permission might be revoked and there could be hell to pay. As you talk to her openly and honestly, pray that she's not going to lose her shit and go all hell harpy on you. And whatever you do, do not mention a threesome! It would be different if she brings this up and just because she might mention it doesn't ever mean that she's gonna go for it.
    3. Cheat on her or it's better to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission which is what a lot of guys wind up doing because they know for a fact that they will never get her permission because she made it clear that he won't ever get it or, like a lot of guys, assume that if you ask for the permission, the answer is going to be no so there's no point in asking her and... begging for forgiveness and with the understanding that even if she says that she forgives you, well, don't believe it. And keep this in mind: Just because she doesn't say anything doesn't mean that she doesn't know anything; it's a mistake I've seen a lot of guys make in thinking that they're slick and they've outsmarted her, only to find out that she knew from the beginning and now it's gonna suck to be him.
    You don't have to believe me, but these are the choices a bi married guy has whether he was bi before they met, or he started feeling this way after they met. I have said that the worst thing in the world is to be married and bisexual - and that goes for bi ladies, who have it just as bad as men do and have th e same three choices. It's not impossible to get her permission because some guys get it and usually because she needs something from outside of the relationship or, yeah, she's "kinky" like that and you've opened some doors for her by asking for permission. If you don't ask, you won't ever know and, yeah, even if asking gets you spending some time in the doghouse.

    I wouldn't give up trying to get that permission because she might say no today but could say yes at some other time down the road, so you have to pick your moments to have this conversation with her again and keep your fingers crossed... and understand that because you brought this up, everything you now do can be under scrutiny and considered suspect.
     
  16. GrayGuy57

    GrayGuy57 Members

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    Once again, another EXCELLENT post, straight-forwarded and full of simple common sense, which, sadly, is all too often ignored these days...................
     
  17. KDaddy23

    KDaddy23 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    I would suppose that common sense gets ignored because it can't be that simple... can it?
     
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  18. GrayGuy57

    GrayGuy57 Members

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    Once again, another EXCELLENT post, straight-forwarded and full of simple common sense, which, sadly, is all too often ignored these days...................
    Never ceases to amaze how simple common sense manages to elude so-called "mature" and "educated" men.

    Just because someone has a college degree does not neccsarily mean that common sense is part of the picture..........................
     
  19. KDaddy23

    KDaddy23 Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Common sense, however, does nothing when faced with a woman who's not happy to find out that her man is a cocksucker, or he wants to be one or one of his ideas of a sexy good time is being fucked in the ass. Indeed, common sense would suggest that it's totally normal for her to get upset since anything that looks like homosexuality is forbidden. But common sense also tells you that if you don't want her going off on you like you kill puppies in your spare time, you might not want to say anything to her about this thing you got going on with dick.

    I've said that in this, you can be damned if you do tell her and damned if you don't tell her and extra special damned if you sneak around behind her back to keep taking care of your dick fix. Common sense should tell you not to go behind her back like that but common sense can also strongly suggest that you do because it's the only way you're going to get your dick fix and doing nothing about the cravings just doesn't make any good sense and are you confused yet?
     
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  20. GrayGuy57

    GrayGuy57 Members

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    It's like the old adage:

    "caught between a rock and a hard place".

    In such a situation, you are totally immobile.

    You cannot go right, nor can you go left.

    You cannot go forwards, nor can you go backwards.

    Does a married bisexual man suddenly regret getting married in the first place, and not simply remaining single, and just "playing the field" at his ease?

    Did he initially hope that being married (and supposedly have 24/7 access to "free pussy") would squelch his desires to be sexually active with other men?

    Does he try to get his wife to see reason?

    I would guess that it all boils down to is HOW the wife reacts to the news her husband also likes cock and mail tail.

    This is indeed a situation than can have any of a number of outcomes, either positive and negative...........


     
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