A question for bi husbands......

mine has but shes not happy about it she just wants me to be happy

 

....in this situation, it would seem that a truly "open-minded" wife is a tremendous asset for a bi spouse to pursue his "male bonding" with other like-minded males; sure makes things a helluva lot easier for hubby!

 

You often hear the term "open marriage".

For bi married men, I think that equates to having a VERY open-minded wife who has little or no issues with her husband having m/m relationships with other men.

This, I feel, removes a HUGE stumbling block for the "man-minded" hubby........

 

Another old expression I've heard over the years (and used in many different contexts) also seems quite "in sync" with a bi married male, who also enjoys fun with other guys:

".......the best of both worlds........"

 

This discussion has got me to thinking.......

I wonder how many GAY men marry women and raise families, thinking this might "cure" them of being gay, OR, simply marry a woman to conform to what straight society dictates to be "normal"?

I would think there must be many men in this same situation, unable to be true to themselves and their desires, for fear of being "outed"........

 

I love how my marriage has evolved over the years. It started off with lots of sex. Cooled off and she was openly jealous if I even spoke to another woman. Now that we have been married for several years, I've opened the door to experimentation and sexual talk. Recently she had asked me to finish her off by eating her pussy, but it was after I had cum inside. Even 6 months ago, she wouldn't have even said such a thing. So if she's ok with me eating my own creampie, when she finally takes the step to sleep with another man, she will be ok with me eating his creampie. Then maybe if a threesome happens she will be ok with me sucking his cock during the encounter.

I've been bisexual as long as I can remember. I only accepted it as fact probably 15 years ago. My wife isn't aware of my encounters with other men and at this point if I told her that I've been with men while being married to her, it would only lead to a huge fight and probably divorce. If I do things with men now and she's ok with it, she will likely just see as me experimenting and finding something I didn't know I liked.

 

I don't have any playmates or bi/gay friends. Mostly I'm curious what it's like to be penetrated. I do enjoy sucking

 

It's funny. I don't feel any kind of emotional connection with other men. I slept with my next door neighbor at minimum once a week every week for close to 6 years. At no point did I develop feelings of any kind. We did develop a sexual relationship as I do with any person. Usually the first couple times are clumsy and unsuccessful. Then we both relax and get to know one another sexually and then things get better.

 

Friends:

Greatly appreciate your input, honesty, and views on this often "taboo" subject.

As you probably know by now, I am a 66 year old masculine gay man, who has always been totally celibate.

After being bashed by a co-worker/"friend" way back in the summer 1986, simply because I ADMITTED I was gay (and this only under pressure) that, more than anything else, squelched any desire to find a "sex buddy/"/life partner.

So bad was depression over being alone and gay in a largely straight world, I even contemplated suicide, back in 2002.

Thankfully, this old "gray guy" is still here to type these words.

I have only had ONE truly close m/m friendship with another (straight) male; he had been a co-worker of mine, and, after he retired, our bond became even tighter.

While I DID have an unbreakable emotional bond with this fellow, he was TOTALLY straight, and was not even the slightest bi-curious (I was always VERY strongly attracted to him; he always laughed it off, and got a kick out of it)

We were as close as brothers, and I still mourn his passing, 13 years later.

I will admit I am VERY emotionally vunerable, and, thanks largely to my being bashed, back in in '86, find it virtually impossible to trust; and even I (NOT the SHARPEST knife in the drawer) know that, without trust, NO relationship can survive.

To say I am both EMOTIONALLY and PHYSICALLY starved for an intimate "connection" with another man is indeed the greatest understatement of all time.

If being alone for the rest of my life is the price I must pay for remaining both emotionally and physically safe, I am prepared to pay in full.

I've long felt that, regarding "close" m/m friendships, there is a VERY tangible double-standard at work.

Whereas f/f friendships seem to be above suspect, and are, in fact, QUITE "celebrated"(look at how many commercials feature women with close female friends; there is almost NOTHING where male buddies are together, enjoying each other's friendship)

And, IF tiy DO see a commercial with two male buds together, rest assured a wife or girlfriend will also be there.

I've seen car commercials where two FEMALES are in a car (auto ads), but none with two MALES; I've also seen a number of commercials where a gaggle of girlfriends are together, but NONE with a group of male buds together.

Oh, excuse me, I forgot.......WOMEN can be emotionally close but NOT thought of as LESBIAN......BUT, on the flip side, if a MAN is emotionally close with another male(s), or is often seen in his company, tongues wag: "Oh, these guys must be gay".

Man, that gets my blood boiling!

Too, this "Johnny Macho" garbage that most boys are taught by their dads from any early age, also, I feel, plays a HUGE role in why most straight men are afraid to show ANY feelings towards other males, or, even show emotions at all.

"Be a MAN.....REAL men don't cry!"

What bull!

And one wonders WHY so many straight guys have difficulty truly "bonding" with other men, except, perhaps, at a strip joint or a sports bar?

Anyway, I can only imagine what bi married males must endure, in trying to satisfy their urges to be with other male, especially when the wife is not at all understanding about their husband's sexuality.

Simply put, for most gay/bi men, life in a largely straight society is often ANYTHING but a "walk in the park".

Thank you, friends, for taking the time to read my words; I've gone through a lot of VERY rough times in my adult life, trust me, and only wish others true fulfillment and happy lives...................

 

We often hear the old adage: "Be true to yourself".

IMHO, whoever coined this one HAD to have been straight..............

 

Speaking of gay men marrying women, this former New Jersey governor has again been in the news, as of late..........

Jim McGreevey - Wikipedia

 

For anyone living in the greater NY area who might be interested, Jim McGreevey will be interviewed on "UP CLOSE" (hosted by Bill Ritter) on ABC 7, tomorrow (Sunday,November 12th) at 11AM.

This should be interesting.............

 

Outwardly, I live a happy and settled life with a wife and kids who I love. And this is true, but there's a whole side of me that I have chosen to keep hidden because when I met my wife my interest in guys was purely sexual and something I just thought I had to get out of my system. For a few years when the kids were small I had no desire to meet men, but as they grew older the desires came back and on and off I have been meeting men throughout most of my marriage. It's not something I'm proud of but if I hadn't done it I don't think our marriage would have lasted this long. Increasingly now that the children have grown up I question whether I am more bi or more gay, and whether it would be more honest and ultimately fulfilling to come out - at least to my wife - and then see what happens. We rarely have sex anymore and I often find sex with men can be emotionally fulfilling (if they're with men I have known for some time and respect and like beyond the pure physical). To a large extent that comes from the ability to be open about who I am and my sexuality when I'm with guys, whereas I have to suppress my bi/gay side when I'm with my wife. I don't know though that divorcing her would make me any happier, we're the best of friends and have a close family which I would really hate to lose. My brother divorced after 30 years of marriage, he's not gay but that really damaged his relationship with his kids and I don't want to do that. Ideally, if I could be certain my wife would be accepting and our marriage would survive me coming out, I would do it - I'd be quite happy with an agreement where I could meet men and she could meet men as well, even if it meant no more sex with her. But since the stakes are so high for now I'm choosing to keep this secret of mine secret.

 

You sound like a fellow with a level head on his shoulders.

"Discretion", I feel (like common sense) is, all too often these days, virtually ignored.

Sure hope that things will evolve for you (m/m-wise) with only positive outcome, and a lot of fullfillment!

 

Just a little levity, here.............

"When the wife's away, the hubby will play"(with other guys!)

 

Papa:

Remember, you ALWAYS have friends here; friends who care about YOU and what happens in your life.....NEVER doubt that.

It HAS to take a LOT of STRENGTH to go through what you have described........keep the faith, my friend, and I certainly hope you find that "special guy" whom you obviously truly deserve....

 

I am sure that many bi married males, look back at when they were contemplating marriage (to a woman) and possibly think: "What the hell was I thinking, back then? Maybe I should have stayed single and 'played the field' on both sides of the fence, without any strings attatched......."

So much is at stake, from what I've read here, when a bi married male "comes out" to his wife and family......