Insecurity and low self esteem propelled negativity forward in my life and then when I started abusing substances it grew into absolute self hatred. It brings me to tears everytime I think about it. I would like to share a poem that I wrote in my active addiction that touches on this. Untitled: Why have you been hiding, hiding from yourself? Its been long since I've seen you. Don't you know that hurts? Obviously, but you don't care. So why should I even bother, bother being here? This isn't what you wanted, your actions made that clear. How'd you like it if I leave, not tell you where I'm headed, how about I just don't breathe? It would be awfully similar to what you did to me. Is that what it will take, for you to actually fear, to notice how close to death, you are really near. Open your eyes, so you can truly see, what the fuck is wrong with you, and what you did to me. You deserve the worst but I've given you the best. Lie still for a minute to take in a deep breath, and listen to the beating emerging from your chest. Block out that voice, ranting in your head, I don't care what he says, that fucker wants you dead. The plans he made are for his personal gain, got you to the point where you questioned being sane. He lives to hurt you, so you feel only pain, makes you feel worthless and drowns you in your shame. Some call him genius, I would name him feign, but really he is known, only as the brain. For too long I have seen him, try to tear apart, the only person I have loved from the very start. I forgive you for ignoring and leaving me in the dark, this is your true friend speaking now, my name is the Heart.
There's anger in those words. It gives a point of reference just to appreciate how far you've come. Thank you.
