A one relationship life vs a life of many relations

This is it exactly. I can understand why society spins a one relationship life, it seem ideal, that you grow and develop as a person with a romantic partner that wants to help you and is considerate and sincere.

Sure I am young, , and my on and off again relationship to first the woman who I felt loved one, the one who cradle me after I committed arson (in essence) who loved me, lied to me, and housed me when I was evicted, and my bdsm relationship to a mtf tranny, and my lame creepy pesduo-relationship to a depressed druggy orphan, and my calm sweet boring relationship to a meek girl, and the few flings: one girls too attractive who would laugh when I called her; that one girl that the next time in class I'd pretend not to see. Sure I am 22 and I will morph a little more but I know that I am who I am by them, those ladies.

Now normally this is hypothetical because you cannot control who you meet. If I meet one of my ones (I think we have a few soulmates in the world like 3 -8) early of course we 'd go at it and try for the long haul.

What I didn't really say because it's a side question for the observant and a personal question that I doubt has a real answer in the forum is:

My gf is younger and defiantly less experienced. I think that it would be healthy when she goes to college if we take a year off so she can just be her self. She can spend time defining who she is when she isn't in a relationship, she could try other people, other intimacies. I love her and I want her to be happy, my jealousy is afraid that this idea will lead to us breaking up forever but of course if a little year breaks us up then there was nothing there. So I think while I work, I think of her and this and when and if it's my place to bring something up.

 

For me, the best thing about childhood sweetheart relationships that last a lifetime is that you share so much of the same background, and you get to know each other before you learn how to do a good job of being fake, so you can understand that other person extremely well. Kids pretty much say whatever they think, with no filter. You know exactly what they are all about. I'm not sure you ever reach that level of honesty with an adult.

Everybody changes and evolves as they age, but if you work at maximizing the number of common experiences you have, two people can evolve in more or less the same direction. There's no guarantee, but your chances are much better if you put a priority on this.

Why don't more of these early relationships last? Two main reasons, I think. First, most of us have only met a limited number of people by the time we finish high school, and it's somewhat unlikely that you will find an outstanding personality match out of such a small group. Second, young couples often share few common experiences, as guys feel a lot of social pressure to do "guy things", and the girls do a lot of "girl stuff" as they try to fit in with their peers. After you are out of school and working, it is easier to focus more of your time and energy on activities that a couple can do together, especially if you have moved away from your hometown.

Also, I can't overlook the importance of the learning curve. We learn about relationships mostly by making mistakes. You go into each new relationship (hopefully) smarter than you were last time. For that first relationship to last, you both have to be extremely forgiving and tolerant of beginners' mistakes.

What does she think of this idea? If you impose this on her, she's going to be pissed off and feel rejected, and/or assume that you only want to sleep around while she is away. If she has an interest in taking a break, that's a different story.

 

i want to hear more about this arson in essence.

 

Overstate something and it is just going to sound like overcompensating.


You couldnt be happier? Seriously? Even if you had a lot more money, more friends, better more exciting job, hotter husband?

And if you married the only guy you've ever been with, how on earth are you going to know any different?

I say this, becuase thats the red flag from the start, if you say it in a ridiculous fashion like that, WE couldnt be happier?? No one else is going to believe you, especially if you say stuff like that, but your husband never does.

I also say this becuase I know what you all turn into, when younger, the world and everyone judgements a whole lot of scary, your hubby probably was the perfect guy.

But give it another 10 years and you are climbing the walls, turn into everything you tried to train them out of. And even though you'll never say it out loud, you know full well its coming. So basically you turn into them, may not even be possible to stick to the one guy, and it will look to hubby and everyone else that everything that came before it was a lie

'WE couldnt be happier' as white knuckles grip the table, that zombie look on your face, If I dont get a real man in between legs soon, I'm going to rip someones head off

 

Mos def a conversation to be had between the two of us. there's still a big gap of time, and casually I watch for any red flags of co-dependency.

Yeah and I'd totally compromise and stay celibate while she just lived.