Dear grandma; It goes without saying, that ever since you left, my life hasn't been the same. I have a good life, though. You'd be very happy for me. I married an amazing man last year, you knew him. You met him. He was a good friend of mine, and he would come to your house to fix things when I was between boyfriends. You always made him a nice meal. You have been gone for just over three years, but there are days, when it feels like you just died, yesterday. The sting of it all comes back, and I cry uncontrollably all over again. Out of nowhere, I'll hear a song that reminds me of you, or smell a familiar scent that takes me back to your delicious cooking. But, what I miss the most, is your love. Your patience. My parents love me, I know. But, your love was different. It was unassuming, unconditional. You really understood me, and told me when I was wrong. I'd listen to your advice, and while sometimes it wasn't always easy to hear, I still ended up following it. You guided me, and I could literally run to your house, and cry over any topic at all, and somehow...in your own special way...you would comfort me. The weight of the world would fall away, and it felt like it was just you and me in all of the universe, holding hands. I have some really amazing friends, who support me, and a genuinely loving husband, who is completely there for me. But, he isn't you. No one will ever be you. And I guess that's fine. I can't have those types of expectations of people, you were one of a kind. Just like they are one of a kind. But, grandma....I miss you. I miss your wisdom. I miss your hugs. I miss the way you would help me to move obstacles out of my way, so I could be brave. I miss your insights, courage, and faith. You had faith in me, and you expected me to have faith in me. To believe in myself. To stop being guarded and afraid. Well, I'll have you know, I'm so much less guarded and fearful than I used to be. I never thought I could move on past your death, but I have. Life is still a little less bright though, without you in it. I wonder if I'll ever see you again. If somewhere out in the great cosmic abyss, if you'll call my name, and I'll hear you. If I'll call your name, and you'll hear me? Someday, I'll find out. I miss you, and all that you were. And all that I never knew, and will never know.
Thank you. I'm having sort of a bad day, and whenever I do, I think of her. She knew how to make things better. Grief never gets easier. There are days when I don't feel sad about my grandmother, but then there's days, when it's overwhelming.
I always feel that I can express my feelings far better through the language of music and what better way to express my feelings to you and your late grandmother right now.
