A hip issue.

My boyfriend has asked me to take my nude and semi nudes down off hipforums. I dont know how I feel about it. I've been posting since before I met him, and kinda feel that its my body and I should decide what I want to do with it. At the same time, I can understand when he says it makes him feel sick to know that guys are looking at his girlfriends body.

What should I do.... ?

 

That's a question with a lot of possible answers. I think question one has to be how serious are you about him. If the relationship is not of great importance to you, then tell him you'll do what you like. If it is of great importance, you need to think hard.

Could you convince him by talking to him, and looking at the pics that others have posted, that it's not such a big deal? How would he take to you saying "tough. I like doing it"?

I think the short answer is, if you really love him, and he can't deal with it, you should take them down. Even then, I'd try to get him loosened up about nudity. Take him to a nude beach, be naked around him more (maybe when other people are over), try to make it less of a big deal.

 

well i took most of the photos you put up anyway...

and when we were together i didnt mind what you did with them.

but now that its after the fact its like you are putting the life we used to have out there, so its no longer something confined to my memory

 

what ifyou took down the most revealing ones, and left the others up? Would that be satisfactory to both parties?

personally, I'd be a bit irritated, but that's just me. It's my body, my choices. I understand there needs to be compromise but it seems like such an insignificant thing in the grand scheme of life, and in a relationship. Then again, I haven't posted nudes in quite a while.

 

oh please , dont let him win becuse first it will be the nudes , then he wont let you post the reveling , then he wont let you post any pics then he wont let you on at all on the forums becuse "they all have seen you naked and i dont like that", dont let his insecurities ruin your life . get rid of him first.

 

The question is as I see it, does he love you in all your multiple facets or the woman he thinks he can mold you into becoming for him? Personally I get a contact high from seeing a woman I love doing something that she enjoys doing that causes no harm.

Could it be we are dealing with a question of ownership? It's just possible the sickness is within him and you might should take a step back and a second look at the relationship.

 

mmm retro, i've noticed in your recent posts about your boyfriend that he's a bit of an idiot. No offense, but i can recognise an idiot from miles and miles (been with one too many of those)..for instance, the episode on your birthday is quite evident..
anyway...it seems your boyfriend doesnt like you to be you. the things you do for own decision are a part of you. if he's not willing to accept everything that comes "with you" i think you're just wasting your time.

its up to you what you do with your body and what you do to express yourself. you're the only one able to decide if you're willing to do that for him or not.

oh and btw, i read your other post about meeting an ex. if you're in that situation with this guy, well, i can only say you should think about what you really want and what you're geting from this relationship. anyway, dont mind me, i'm a bitter person, i dont do relationships anymore.

 

well i can see both points of veiw actualy, i mean on 1 hand your doing nothing wrong, & if i was him i'd have no problem with it, however i might have a problem with some of the stupider guys comments about the pics

 

Based on the threads you keep posting he appears to be a controlling dickhead. Toss him.

 

I've read it now. Maybe it's an insecurity thing with him, but I do agree with other posters who suggest where it will end. He is funny about your ex? what if your ex was a best friend would you not see him for the new guy? and the nudes, I mean from what Ive seen they are pretty low key, yeah there is some nudity but it is tasteful and it is also history - done now, move on. Next thing he will start bugging you about all your past sexual experiences or kisses with other guys. Your young and Im sure will have no problem finding a great guy. Why waste your time with this dude.

Anyway after he reads all these posts he will probably get freaked out and leave anyway - or ban you from using the forums any more.

J

 

I don't know anything about the other threads about what your boyfriend has done. However on this particular issue I simply wonder why no one would respect the wishes of a partner who they claim to love. People might think that I'm being old fashioned or setting women back 30 years or what other bs lines they can come up with, but honestly, if my boyfriend came to me and said this thing that you are doing is really hurting me I really wish you wouldn't do it anymore, then because of the person I am I would do my best to respect his wishes and not do it.

My boyfriend used to constantly talk about his ex, in a negative way, but still it was bothersome to me. One day I just told him how I feel about it, that I understand his anger toward her and blah blah blah, but that it really made me feel uncomfortable talking about it. Since that day he has never once brought her up. If anyone in his family brings her up, or even if I do, then he tries to make anything he says neutral and to the point and quickly moves on to spare my feelings.

That is what love is about people. It is not doing what ever the hell you please because you can and who is he to tell you not to. It is about respecting each other enough to not purposely hurt one another.

Now, like I said I don't know your man or anything so if there are other things that he is doing in your relationship that seem to be controlling or if you really just aren't all that into this guy, then by all means do what is best for you. But if you really love him and he loves you, then you should be able to work this out and come to a common ground.

Good Luck!

jen

 

Good for you Jen, however the example you give is a somewhat different case in that dwelling on the negitive not only hurts you but is harmful to him also.

It is an entirely different thing to tell someone you love to stop doing something that brings them happiness and harms no one in any way. In my concept of love anything that brings my partner joy and does no harm is to be encouraged and in fact I get a contact high from their joy.

Another aspect of this situation is that this activity was/is a part of her life and what makes her who she is predating their relationship. Love isn't something you shop for at the butcher's taking only the parts that taste best to you.

Personally I would glad to know that my love was healthy and hangup free enough to do this both for her own enjoyment and to share the gift of her beauty.

 

Ok, that is true, I completely understand what you are saying that it brings her joy. I would then have to question his motives. Does he really want what is best for her? Is this really a "deal breaker" for him. What about it does he not like, the fact that she is nude, or how it is displayed or the people who comment or what she is seeking out of doing it.

My first comparison was a little benign, but my boyfriend Jer, has looked at porn since he was 14 or so years old. It was something that definitely predated him and me getting together. This obviously brought him joy (or something). And for a long time it didn't bother me, until it started to come between the two of us. I explained to him my feelings and told him why it bothered me and hurt me. Because he loves me he has stopped looking at it.

By the same token we do things for people we love that we don't necessarily want to do. I pack Jer's lunch for him because he is concerned about his health and he knows that I will pack him a healthy lunch. I don't exactly like getting out of bed 15 minutes early to pack his lunch, and he very well could do it on his own, but I love him so that is what I do.

I just think that there are things that we might enjoy doing, but if it hurts our partner somehow and they express that in a loving truthful way, then I think we should try our best to come to a comprimise. Maybe he doesn't understand why she does it. Maybe he didn't know about it when he met her (forgive me I don't know the whole story).


I really do understand the point that no one should be telling her what to do if he is trying to control her or if he feels insecure. If it is something that he can't deal with, he will have to choose to be with someone else. If neither are willing to change, then I don't see any other way. And she would probably be happier with someone who accepted her for who she is anyway.



From what I can tell, there are obviously other problems in the relationship so it isn't just about nudity. However I also don't think that we have both sides of the story here, because there are always two versions of a situation.

My only point is that everything isn't absolute like many of the replies suggest. It seemed to me at least everyone was ready to tell her to get rid of him that she deserves better etc, but what ever happened to trying to work things out. Are we really that impatient and self righteous to believe that we always deserve better? If the going gets tough, ehhh just dump em or get a divorce or what have you and find someone new.

Like I said I really do hope things work out for the best. The best might not be for them to be together.

 

I agree with you. If he's important to her, and she loves him, and it's a deal breaker, she should acquiesce. I hate to say it, being a big fan of the pictures involved. I think there could be some talking first, but really, if he's not more important to her than posting the pictures, then you'd question the long term value of the relationship. I guess you could say the same in reverse - if it's more important to him, how strongly does he really feel, but it's a universal truth that you can't dictate the other persons responses or fairness, only your own.

 

Well, I'm sure you know already what my answer is Rachel.
Many times in relationships (Been there too) after we tell someone we love them. They put us thru tests to prove that love.
Most of the proving is changing who we are to PLEASE or whatever the other person. They run us thru an obstacle course and much of that course is changing who we are as a person. Sadly too-the person the other person fell in love with and was originally attracted to etc.
Then they make us prove we love them by changing who we are!
So ofcourse like the Moody Blues sang...Just what you want to be you will be in the end! We will ALWAYS RETURN BACK to WHO we ARE....may take time but in the end we do that.
That's when the other person will tell you that BULLSHIT line.....
YOU'VE CHANGED! LOL We really have not changed-we just had to return to who we are.
So many times we can get lost or collapse into a relationship. God knows I sure have many times and learned the hard way.
But those PHOTOS are who you are Rachel. I remember the first time I saw them too.
The photos impressed me and I thought what a wonderful and unique woman. She really has HER OWN style of who and what she is.
So I would say DON'T take them down.
Those Photos are WHO YOU ARE!
I look at my gallery and Riders Photos are very racy and I take them. I think it's great she is proud of her body and not ashamed of it.
Neither am I that she's showing it!!!
It's amazing the hate mail we both get about it and some really ass hole guys. But also supportive mail too.
Many of her photos I have taken have been in Galleries up here in Woodstock. I mean the whole town knows what my old lady looks like. But she is in my bed not there's. So I don't really let it bother me.
Yeah, it's constant thing with dealing with some guys who think it's an open invitation to hit on her too. But I think the benefits are far better in my life and also Riders too.
But we all know in the end it's your call.
Hugs The Wiz and Rider On The Storm.

 

you could talk to him and ask which photos, specifically, he doesn't like. and find out why he doesn't like them. is it the way you pose? your facial expression? does he think they aren't tasetful? would he be more comfortable if he took the photos? is he concerned that you're insecure? does the fact that they're posted on the internet instantly cheapen them? would he be more comfortable with you posting the pictures on an art site?

i haven't seen the photos, but based on whats been said, i can see both sides. i mean, his little brother, his best friend, and his creepy old uncle could potentially see you naked whenever they like (or anyone who knows your screen name/email address/etc). and that's an unsettling thought for him, i'm sure. and i also understand your point... it's your body, you will display it however you see fit, and you've been doing it before you two started seeing each other.

i don't see how taking the nude photos off of the internet would necessarily take away from who you are, though... it doesn't mean you have to stop posing for nude pictures. you can still take the pictures and hang them in your home for people to see... because then you have some sort of control over who sees them. he's not telling you to stop expressing yourself through your photos.. he just doesn't feel like the way you display your photos is appropriate, and that's very different. asking you to take nudie photos off the internet is much different from asking you to not display them in a national art gallery.

if just taking and having the pictures isn't enough for you, and you feel like you have to put them on the internet to define yourself, then maybe you should re-check your motives for taking the pictures... if you're doing it for yourself, then why would it matter if the entire internet can see them? if that's the case, it kind of gives creedence to what he's saying...

 

I don't think you should post nude pics on the internet period. Not because of any moral reasoning, but common sense. Anybody can look you up on the internet and find you. A new things employers are doing is that they look up new employee's names on google. If they find you posting nude pics of you on a forum or a blog website, they could potentially fire you.

 

Working at a Job where you can't be who you are is even worse then being in a relationship where you can't be who you are!
Besides-Most people use screen names when posting.
But good warning!

 

He doesnt like other people seeing my body. He doesnt want to 'share' as he puts it

 

You seem to be seeing this as a command - if you see it as a "It would make me happier if you did this" then it becomes much more simple.

Personally if my girlfriend had a load of nude pictures on the internet I would be a bit miffed but that's just me.

If there is a middle ground you can reach then reach it - if it's a relationship/will of self compromise you would be willing to reach then do that - if it's not something you want to do then tough shit on him.

Blessings

Sebbi