A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar in Ireland and spots a pot of gold behind the counter.

He asks the bartender, "Hey what's with that pot o' gold behind the bar there?"

The bartender replies, "Oh that's the reward for a contest that's, dare I say, probably impossible!"

The man then asks, "Well, what is the contest?"

The bartender says, "Well the contest is to make my horse laugh."

The man quickly says, "Hell, I can do that no problem! I just need you all to leave the bar for a moment while I work my magic."

The bartender doesn't believe him but decides to let him try and gathers up all of the patrons and leaves the bar. A few minutes later the man calls everyone back in. The bartender is beside himself, the horse is not only laughing he is pounding his hooves on the floor of the bar in fits of uncontrollable laughter.

The bartender has no choice and gives the man the pot of gold.

A few weeks later the man comes back to the bar and spies yet another pot of gold. He asks the bartender how to win this pot of gold.

The bartender replies, "Well this time you have to make my horse cry!"

The man stands up and quickly replies, "Hell that will be even easier! Bring in the horse, but same as last time you all have to leave while I work my magic."

The bartender agrees and he rounds everyone up and leaves the bar again. Not even two minutes later and the man in the bar beckons everyone back inside.

The bartender can't believe it. His horse is crying and is downright depressed looking.

The bartender looks at the man and says, "Okay, you won my pot o' gold again, but before I give it to you, you have to tell me what you did!"

The man looks at the bartender and a smile comes across his face as he tells him, " Well, it was easy really. The first time I told your horse that my dick was bigger then his, the second time I proved it."

 

And I thought my jokes were bad.

 

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, his spurs clinking as he walks, his six-shooter slapping at his furry hip. He bellies up to the bar, stares down the bartender, and proclaims, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

 

A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "Look here, we don't serve no beers to no bears in this bar"
The bear gets furious and shouts, "I said I want a beer!"
The bartender says, "Once more, we don't serve no beers to no bears in this bar."
The bear says, "Oh yeah? Check this out!" He walks up to a woman sitting at the bar and with one swipe of his paw decapitates her. Then he devours her whole!
The bear walks back to the bar licking his chops and says, "NOW, get me a beer!"
The bartender says, "For the last time, we don't serve no beers to no bears in this bar. Especially bears on drugs."
"ON DRUGS? WHAT THE HELL YOU MEAN ON DRUGS?!
"That was a BAR BITCH YOU ATE!"

 

Irminsul walks into a bar.
Her leg hurts.

 

I once stole a "guy walks into a bar" joke from Mallyboppa and had two people crying. It was the one with the guy that forget his wheelchair and cried home. Still one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

 

lol, I'm sure they are.

 

lol, nice.

 

What's the joke?

 

A termite walks onto a bar and asks, "Where's the bar tender?"

 

Timmy accidently walks into the bedroom where his parents are having sex.

He’s shocked and runs out

His father is concerned so he runs after him

His father suddenly stops when he hears humping noises coming from his mother’s bedroom

He opens the door and his son Timmy is screwing his invalid grandmother and says to his father “how do you like it when someone hurts your mother”

 

How would 20InchesTooCold finish Bender's joke?

 

Wow, that is the funniest shitest joke ever

I am not actually being negative, its well crafted, nuanced even

But that punchline, so bad, its funny

 

i told my friend i was going to build a car out of spaghetti, she told me it could not be done
you should have seen her face when i drove pasta

 

A guy walks into a bar and says..."ouch."

 

A young lad knocked on the door last night and said "Trick or Treat?"
I says "What have you come as?"
He said "A werewolf."
I said "But you haven't got a costume on, you're just in normal clothes"
He said "Well it's not a full moon yet is it, dickhead?"

 

A man walks into a Bar and has a Burger = the end
= (It was a BAR - B Q)

 

There was a person on Reddit that did better then I could ever do: (r/AskReddit - Can someone finish the unfinished joke from The Breakfast Club?)

"A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bardtender says, 'So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?'

The blonde says "I definitely do, after what just happened to me."

The bartender says "I'm so sorry. What happened?"

The blonde says, "Well, my boyfriend and I were just about to make love, when out of nowhere the crazy bastard says 'I'm gonna pound my favorite bitch with my giant sausage'. So I grabbed them both and got the hell out of there!"

 

This guys walks into a bar and sees an aboriginal with one shoe missing and he asks did you lose a shoe mate?
Nahh brah I found one.