No you don't sound bitter I want to learn all about birthing. You're really helping me understand. Although I don't feel I could birth without the aid of pain relief I'd like the whole experience to be in my own time, when I'm ready. I have conflicting views about this though, I was a forcep delivery and I was two weeks overdue. From what I've been told my mother was induced and had an absolutely horrific experience giving birth to me which makes me feel like it caused bonding issues between us at birth and subsequently caused our non relationship now [which I won't go into here] My worry is this, I've learnt that the longer a baby is over due, the umbillical cord starts to lose it's abilities in providing oxygen to the foetus. I don't want an induced birth because I want to be in control of my labour and to minimise bonding issues at birth and in later life but equally I want to do what's best. I wouldn't know what to do. I can't ask friends nor do I have family to ask and I wouldn't feel right asking women in my husbands family.
Possibly. I'm not sure. I thought I'd started my period...But it's unlike any period I've experienced and 13 days after my last period. All the online symptoms say it is implantation bleeding but it could equally be ovulation spotting which I've never had before. Pregnancy didn't even cross my mind until I googled for any info for why I'd started my period so soon [seeing as I can't go my damn doctor] and all this came up and it's the exact same kind of implantation spotting.
A lot of women feel like they can't do it without the aid of drugs. I will be honest with you and tell you that that is not what I originally wanted. I wanted to be put to sleep and awakened when the baby got here! Seriously, I didn't want to feel a thing. But then I started reading, researching, educating myself. I am all about an informed decision. Once I found out that an epidural increases your risk of c-section by 50% I was over the idea of having one.I was afraid of the pain but more afraid of being gutted like a fish!! I talked to as many women as I possibly could that had successful drug-free birth stories. The more I heard, the more I felt like it was possible. Does that mean I wasn't scared? No! When my water broke I was terrified. But I had a doula and awesome midwives who all supported my birth plan and they are the reason I succeeded. I even begged for an epidural in labor at the birth center and they talked me back from the ledge, helped me refocus and get back on track. I also talked to many women who shared their stories about failed epidurals. Epidurals that paralyzed them from the chest down, some unable to feel any part of their bodies at all, some terrified at just not being able to feel their legs at all wondering if they were paralyzed. When you cannot feel your body's natural cues to push you have to rely on someone else to tell you what your body is already telling you. It's like someone telling you it's time to poop even though you have no sensation to do so. Will you push too hard and tear yourself in half? Will you not push hard enough and lengthen the process unnecessarily? You can't feel the cues your body is giving you to get you through it. Then you have to consider dealing with the effects of the epidural on a tiny little newborn baby. The epidural is in the same family as cocaine. Many women won't take an aspirin their whole pregnancy but then the instant they go into labor they are begging for the most hardcore drugs made. It baffles me that more women aren't educated about their bodies ability to birth but then again no one makes $ off of natural childbirths. The effects of drugs on babies can affect the bonding experience as well. Sleepy babies that won't wake to eat, their blood sugar drops and artificial milk is used place of mother's milk, the baby gets nipple confusion and then has trouble latching to nurse and then the mother and baby struggle for days weeks or even months to do what every mother and newborn were designed to do - breastfeed. Mother feels like a failure and thus the bonding experience is stressed. As a doula and breastfeeding counselor I have seen it way too many times. As for being due or over due I will say that due dates are called "EDD" estimated due date. Some women have 5 children and everyone is born at or near 37 weeks, some have their babies at or near 40 weeks, some at 42 and every woman is different. Babies grow at different rates inside and outside of the womb. As long as you are monitored in your pregnancy by a competent health care provider they can make sure that things are still safe inutero for your babe. There are natural ways to induce labor other than using a drug. I think induction with drugs should be the very last option used only in the case of an emergency. Just know HDH that you ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER. And fear can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are pregnant there are some issues that you will need to work through regarding all this and that is okay We are here for you, at least I know I am. Just going into this situation knowing what you do about how/why things are they way they are with your mother makes you a better person. Awareness is the first step. My mother and I have been through so much shit - so I feel you there. But the coolest thing about coming from a broken relationship with my mother is having and giving everything that I never got from mother to my own daughter. My mother can never go back and make things right, we can't change it. But I can break the cycle and the power in that alone is PHENOMENAL!!
Can you not see another doc in the practice hdh? If you were on the pill I'd know what it would be.. Are you? Eeeee babies ^^
The epidural isn't something I'd want to do. I've heard too many horror stories about it some what you've written. I want to go into labour and come out of it feeling that it was an experience to remember. I hear stories all the time about medical staff ignoring your birth plans and it scares the SHIT out of me. I'm one of those people who hates change and to think of my carefully planned birthplan going out the window is a nightmare thought. For example, I'm largely against birthing in a bed purely because, from my child development studies in high school, they increase the risk of tearing. I'd want to use a birthing stool and a doula and if I was told I'd have to use a bed. I'd flip. I did not know that drugs can affect the baby. I don't take drugs at all when I'm ill. When I have the flu I let my own antibodies take control. So drugs in birth to me are the use gas and air and nothing else. I really need to research. Mamma you're right I am not my mother, I want to have a life long relationship with my children but my mother did say to me that my children would hate me just as much as I hated her. So you can see my worries over it. But I've always said that the best gift she ever gave me was how not to treat my own children. I feel much better knowing that you've offered to be here for me. That means a lot for you to say that.
I'm not on the pill. I don't agree with it's side effects. I could see another doc but I'm not planning to until I move. I'll need to wait it out for the results before I decide on my next step doctor wise. I hope to god it's a very early period.
I've gone off the idea of an epidural too!! Thankyou mamamojo That is ridiculous.. I can't believe they'd ignore your plans to have your baby. I didn't know that about a bed :O I have seen birthing chairs, they do look alot more.. natural? Comfortable?! Birthing in water sounds brilliant, mamamojo, its awesome that was a comfort to you I saw on The Apprentice those birthing pool things... Is that just a marketing scam? I hope all is ok hdh with the tests and things
I think it's largely the NHS which ignore them. It's like they're more likely to do if theres not enough midwives/beds etc etc and they'll intervene when they don't need to and also they'll try and rush you along for the bed. Which is why I'd ideally want to be able to go private healthcare when pregnant. I find NHS staff to be very very condescending and derogotary and I wouldn't feel safe with them delivering my baby. With private companies they go all out for you. and are able to attend to you properly. I'm sure that there are many thousands of women who give birth successfully with them But when you see stories about hospitals forcing mothers to give birth on the street because they can't be arsed to send an ambulance to get you and turning them away because of bed shortages...No wonder the US doesn't want our socialised system. With beds, they restrict the opening and can cause unnecessary injury. Funnily enough the consultants are all for beds and the midwives...Not so much.
Wow. That sucks >< I guess it is all about meeting quotas and getting through the day. Which isn't the best environment to bring a child into the world, full of stress and noise >< After reading all of this, I'd want my babies at home!! What sort of things would I need to think about? Hehe I can't help but plan What is a doula 0.o And mama, I love your blog!!
A friend of a friend gave birth at home and she says that a lot of midwives say that giving birth at home is the best way if the mother isn't at an increased risk of complications and the baby isn't breech. She's right though, home comforts, no MRSA/SARS and certainly no rush for a bed. Women even give birth in their own baths. With Mama's views I find the subject of birth to be really fascinating and quite lovely but I can't watch women give birth on Discovery home and health
Not 100% true that being in a bed increases your risk of tearing. I thought that also because I was in a bed on my back in a semi-reclined position for the pushing with my first. I had hubby holding up on leg and sister holding up the other. The thing is that your tailbone can move up to 2inches allowing more room for baby if you aren't sitting on it. BUT and this is the key thing - if you want to push in the position I just described the KEY is not to have people pulling your legs apart and up to your ears. The vag can only stretch one way at a time. So if people or stirrups are pulling your legs apart for you the chances of you tearing greatly increase. The idea is to put your feet on the shoulders of someone facing you and have you legs no further apart than that. Then your vag can stretch how it needs to. Perineal massage and counter pressure by a midwife who knows her stuff can also prevent tearing. I pushed in the same position with my second baby but I was in a small birth tub (like a bug Rubbermaid horse trough) and my legs were not much wider than shoulder width apart (not enough room to be apart any further) and I didn't tear at all. I thought it was because the water softened things up a bit but I wasn't really in there long enough for it to have made a huge difference in that regard. Birthing stools are great, too and a good doula who understands your desires can advocate for you at a time when you are not really "there" to do so. My sister was my doula so when I looked up at her through tears (with my first) and said, "Your my sister, why won't you help me? I want an epidural, I changed my mind, I can't do this," she looked back at me and said, "tell me why you don't want an epidural, tell me about your love for this baby and your need to protect it and yourself, tell me you can do this..." She knew just what to say to me. Make sure you develop a relationship with your doula and that you click. Birth plans are wonderful, but remember that they are just that - plans. Plans change, need tweaking and at times educated improvisation. You have to hope for the best but plan for the worst. Things happen. But to have someone blatantly ignore your requests is so so so wrong. Which is why I had my first a free standing birth center with a midwife and my second at home with a midwife and my third is a planned (notice I said planned ) home birth with a midwife assisting. I could never ever birth in a hospital, hospitals are for sick people and sadly like you described people are rushed into a process that should never be rushed for stupid reasons. Once they start with an intervention it's a downward spiral. I know Dr's here in the states that schedule Mamas for c-sections and inductions PRIOR to their estimated due dates for no other reason than wanting to get it done during the week and not on the weekend. Selfish bastards. Tell me about this gas I keep hearing you all mention. Women here are offered narcotics like Stadol and and other things but not gas. Is this like the gas they give you at the dentist that knocks you out? Being out of it or loopy may not help. Let me assure you that I was high as a kite in both labors from natural endorphins. IDK if you have ever done ecstasy/MDMA but once I found my groove I swear it was a lot like that. Your body produces oxytocin and endorphins that help you cope. Some call it labor land LOL But your body is so amazing and when given the chance you can solely rely on it to guide and help you through labor and childbirth. Your children will not hate you. It is a shame that she would wish to pass that curse down among generations. It sounds as though she feels alot of pain and guilt over the situation between you two. It may be best to cut her out of the picture altogether for your own mental wellbeing especially if you are in fact preggo. It really is a numbers game and it sad! Especially for the first time moms who don't know better and blindly trust their doctors. A part of me aches for the women who were robbed of a truly amazing experience because someone else wants to control the process. A doula is a knowledgeable, experienced companion – who stays with you through labor, birth and beyond. Birth doulas offer emotional support, encouragement and wisdom throughout labor and birth. They basically tell your husband what to do (cause he'll forget everything you learned in class LOL) and help you to have the birth experience you want. They can help with natural pain management techniques and they serve as an advocate for you. Thanks for diggin my blog - it's a work in progress I am all about a homebirth! I have pretty uneventful pregnancies and deliveries so I make a great candidate for a home birth. Many midwives are skilled at delivering breech babies but some are not. Many babies are born at home breech. It can be done. But it's all about the comfort level of the mother and the experience of the midwife. HDH here are a couple videos that may bring you joy. YouTube - Broadcast Yourself. And this one - YouTube - Broadcast Yourself. Watch how a baby is delivered in a cesarean birth and see the dramatic difference of what both the mother and baby experience in a home water birth after cesarean. Cesarean vs. VBAC: A Dramatic Difference on Vimeo This video was so empowering. And I am just so appalled at how traumatic surgical birth is And that poor mom, after the second c-section when her daughters met...that was just so so very sad I am so glad that she was able to do this and that she made this video. The letter she wrote at the very end was also pretty awesome.
I'm pretty sure it's laughing gas..But I'm not sure. I've seen women use it on TV programmes and they come out with the weirdest stuff! I think I'm gonna bookmark this thread I have a lot to learn from you not just for "incase I am preggo" but I wanted to learn about methods of birthing anyway. In regards to my mother we no longer speak and haven't done for 3 or 4 years now sadly, shes turned my whole family against me including my sister who recently gave birth herself.
From my experience, hospitals rarely give a rat's ass about what you have planned. You rarely have a doctor that has seen you before to birth your child and many nurses are interested in making it as painless for them. Be prepared to have your eyes rolled when you pull out a birthing plan. I have given birth in two hospitals and two provinces. Homebirths were illegal in my province when I had my first and there were no midwives that delivered in hospitals. In the second province you had to pay $3000 to give birth where midwives delivered and homebirths were even more expensive. Now midwives are covered by that gov, but sadly too late for me. Let me tell ya, when in labour for my first nurses would not even stay int he room with us until I agreed to pain medecine. I had severe back labour and they would not allow me to have an epidural until I hit this magical number four centimeters. All bullshit. The second hospital refused me to birth standing up or squating, they insisted I lay on a bed and yelled at me when I refused to. I kept using my own hands to hold me up because my tailbone was digging in to the bed. I'm not sharing this to scare anyone, I'm sharing this because it is a reality. As wonderful as we would love for it all to be, without labouring at a birthing center, you are setting yourself up for your doctor or nurses plan. I had never met either of my doctor's that delivered my sons... they were random strangers to me and I could not pick them out of a lineup of 8 ppl. Do I think they cared if I got what I had "planned" for. Nope. The other thing I want ot mention is that sometimes there are issues out of your control. I had back labour first time around and I by teh sounds of it gretaoto may have had it as well. My mother had it and so did my sister... so I can only assume it's a bit related to genetic makeup. (back labour is when babies spine is on your spine). My second labour was normal stomach labour and altough it was 4.5 hours longer than my first, I could have ran a marathon in between contractions. I had no idea there was such a thing as back labour and was not prepared for it AT ALL!! Since having my first son I spoke with a lady that had four children. The first three were normal labours and the fourth was back labour. SHe said if she had had back labour the first time around, she would not have had anymore... and as I mentioned, she stopped at four. Ok... again, I'm not trying ot fill with horror stories... I loved my second labour and would relive it easily. And in fact have offered to be a surrogate for people, however, I think women need to be very well educated and realize exactly what is happening to them. Mamamojo has done such a great job describing different aspects... drugs passing on to baby, etc. Be happy you have read this here!! This is very freakin empowering. I totally agree that hopsitals are where sick ppl go... not where we bring life into this world. Go to a midwife adn share your plans. Do not trust hospitals... Seriously. lol, it's another fucking novel!! l ol
I hate hospitals full stop. I'd full on be up for a home birth but I can see husband talking me out of it only because he'd like a clean mattress. I think that labour should be taught in schools. It's all fine and well teaching young people about pregnancy and after but I really do think they need educating in types of birth too and not just the epidural vs gas type stuff. If every woman handles labour pain differently surely not every type of birth is right for every woman. 9 months to research what type of birth suits seems like very little time to learn all about it. I'm really glad this thread was made I've actually been wanting to learn about birth for a while now.
mamamojo, where do you live? I thought you lived in the UK, but then I thought I just read that you were in the states. Me so confuzzle.d
LOL about the mattress! You stack the mattress. Here we have what you call Dollar Stores. You go in a buy a couple shower curtains for $1 a piece (very cheap). You pin a shower curtain to your mattress then put a fitted sheet on top. Then pin another shower curtain down and then put another fitted sheet on top. This way when things get messy in the bed @ delivery or in the middle of the night when your water breaks (like mine) you pull off the sheet and the underneath is clean and ready to go. You mw's and assistants toss the dirty linens in the wash and they are clean and dry before they leave you. There are also waterproof mattress covers. Plenty of ways around a dirty mattress. If that's his biggest concern you are home free! Many husbands are super scared because they love their lady and want to protect her. The best way to ease his fears is to have him come with you to interview midwives and ask every "what if" question he has (make a list cause you'll forget some of them). I have a GREAT list of questions for you to ask while interviewing if you need them, PLEASE let me know. Many women don't know what to ask b/c as you've stated know very little about birth and the what may be's. 9 months isn't very long but I can recco some wonderful reading materials you could check out from your library. Some of the very best books every for education and preparation that are reader friendly and not all medical schmedical terms. Like I said honey, I am in it with you for the long haul. You had me at Hello...dread head LMAO I am in Birmingham, AL USA where having a midwife attend a home birth is also "illegal" (for the midwife). But I am doing it anyway and paying out of pocket. Crazy thing is I was in Florida for my last homebirth and Medicaid (a goverment funded insurance for the poor) paid for every penny of my home birth and for my birth center birth. The laws differ from state to state here - very crazy.
That would be awesome for you to recommend reading materials. Even if this is a scare and nothing more, reading your blogs has really opened my eyes to the world of birth and lately I've been feeling that I should start to educate myself so that in x amount of years or sooner... I'll not feel overwhelmed by conflicting info. I've got this desire study new things, I used to pick a subject a day and learn as much as I could about it. Mamma you're fkn awesome and I think women could learn a lot from you. I'm glad that you're here for me.
Aww HDH that is so kind. I'm really just another Mama in the scheme of it all but I was so blessed to have a sister go before me in the birth experience and she helped me every step of the way. I wish every woman could be armed with the knowledge I was lucky enough to have going into pregnancy. I think you are a very smart chica wanting to prepare for it all!!
