^_^ first *real* poem! zOMG!

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by hailtothekingbaby, Jan 20, 2005.

  1. This is my first semi-serious poem, I got carried away while I was at yahoo messenger writing in only tiny bits of sentences and out rolled a poem, and I've only slightly altered it since then. I call it semi-serious because it's not a joke or whatever but it's not about anything that actually happened recently or anything, the conversation wasn't about this at all, even. But anyway...

    "Untitled"
    By the future emperor of hipness AKA I, the Bart

    softly
    the palm
    of your hand


    it touches
    moves me

    and I know
    the pain
    it's gone


    forever

    I know that it isn't perfect, but this is how it was when I did it originally and I'm not going to change it. I'm quite unsure how the layout, the enters (er, stanzas?) would give most result. Tell me if you think it sucks crap through a yellow straw, I don't need constructive criticism if you don't want to give me any (though it's of course appreciated), I'm quite immune to insults.

    I like how I finally did real a poem too!! ^_^
     
  2. Fayanora

    Fayanora Member

    I like it!

    ---Fayanora
     
  3. Yeah but thats cuz u wuz like at teh conception rite?

    This not being any arcane "rite of conception" (oooh, black candles and ceremonial daggers!) but like "conception, right?"
     
  4. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    thumbs up...:)
     
  5. Hippievixen

    Hippievixen Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    *lol* Bart, you are too much.

    I loved the poem, and no, it doesn't suck crap through a yeller straw.

    You have a gift - especially if whoops! out came a poem while you were writing bits and pieces.

    Thank you for posting it, and I hope to see more of your writing very soon.
     
  6. aww *blush* thankies! :)
     

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