29 & Never Dated

No family isn't any more help. In fact, my brother has my same problem.

I've been patient. I've been waiting so long

I feel so behind. I have had one female friend. That's it
I've had a couple people called us friends, but I don't think we really were. We never met outside a social group setting, never exchanged messages, etc. That was a few years ago tho & it's been nothing since

Work on career. You're right that is maybe most important.

I know. Life sucks, but there's some good parts in it & i'd love to share those good parts w/ a woman. I hate the pandemic. It's messed up everything.

They don't want to be my friend. I can't get that far.

 

Today was my Chirstmas party w/ my family. I felt so lonely

 

How can you feel lonely amongst those that love you?

I wish I had my Mum, my Dad and my younger brother.

 

Sorry you felt that way

You're welcome to say more about that if you'd like

 

I felt lonely b/c I knew at the end I had to go home & be lonely, & why can't I find woman who wants to love me too?

I feel lonely now, like i'm a loser & hopeless. To those who have dated, being 29 & never dated is horrible. I think my destiny is to be single my whole life, never having one date.

 

How shy are you in person? Yes, that matters.

 

Yes I am shy. But at the same time I push myself to talk to people. As I was saying, I can never generate a spark. I won't dominate the table, it's the kind of guys that do that the women gravitate to. No fault to them, it's the natural thing to do, but it makes guys that don't in trouble. I've been told that's not true, but I haven't seen it any other way.

 

Find a way to channel that shyness away. It's okay to be shy. Don't give up. Keep trying. Ask your family, friends for advice. Even other couples that you come across. I know the virus is making it difficult for everyone and most people are skittish when it comes to strangers. I know I am and there is a reason for that. Just be yourself. Don't force anything that you wouldn't do to your grandmother. Look at how you are dressing. Sadly, people judge by the cover. Not the person themselves. Ask friends how they feel about your personality. That's another item women tend to look at. If it's shitty. Improve it. Don't beat yourself up over it. You are still young for being only 29. Let me ask you this. Have you ever hook up with anyone? Doesn't matter who.

 

I feel like being shy is sort of a habit that we develop when we're small. It's emotionally driven too - I think really, you're just allowing yourself to be more comfortable. It's safe to not say anything.

I think that there's room for quiet sometimes, but when you're on a date it's important to keep the conversation going, or the date falls flat. Just do it at all costs is my approach. My own personality is outgoing in some ways, but introverted in others - and sometimes I have to talk when I don't feel like talking.

E.g. I work in a call center. When someone calls, I have to answer and talk with them. It's pretty scripted, just like a date... You'll know what to say, you just might not feel like saying it.

I think that some people have an easier time knowing social boundaries for conversation than others. The best approach is to keep it really basic, and formal. You could say, "how are you doing" for example. I mean, what a dumb question, right? She can walk away if she wants to, but now the onus is on her to respond - she can make a joke of the question, she can simply say, "fine", or she can go to some length to try to provide an interesting answer. Then, you can decide what to do next based on her answer style. If she says, "fine" I wouldn't read too much into that - it's a common answer, and she's probably nervous. Give her a few moments, and then fire again with "should we talk about work?" or something...



You mentioned that you push yourself. That's really good. I think it's needed for dates; especially a first date.*

 

I learned from experience after a 2 year dry spell lol

 

Hopefully, next year will bring joy. xxxx

 

I get down in the dumps as well (no one to go home to) but I try and stay motivated. Besides the next best thing is here talking with people with a common life. I know it sucks (trust me I know). I keep looking but one thing is certain I'm not gonna settle for just anyone. Keep thinking I deserve better. I know my someone special is out there I just haven't meant them yet. I sure wish he hurry!!

 

OMG Candy Gal!! I love that video that song is perfect for what I just posted, Thank You!

 

I love it also. x

 

@DragonFox91 , I think there have been 1000 views of this thread so far. Maybe you'd like to post a pic of yourself on this thread and get some free advertising?

I think there are some couples who have met on HF. Probably posting a lot of selfies will help you if you want to try to go that route.

Wishing you good things.

 

I feel so hoepless. I hate this so much. I want it to end. Everytime I try it goes up in flames.

I'd be willing to PM anyone who asks.

No of course not.

 

You're kind of expecting a lady to make this first move like that. I'm not sure that would work well.

If you've got a selfie out there, a lot more people will see it, and maybe that will lead to some conversation.