20-Year-Old Son Smoking Pot

people have a right to do what they want with their life so long as they don't bother anyone else. Do I sit around and eat cheezies? No, I go hiking or read a book... but if I want to sit around and eat food, I can. I'm sure you sit in front of the telivision all time.

 

Just cause he is smoking alone doesn't mean he is dependent on pot... im not gonna try to tell you how its not bad cause i can see your mind is set on lies about it... but you cannot get "dependent" on pot... and to be honest when i go to school high... or do my school work high... i actually do a lot better....

 

Kicking him out wont do anything but make him hate you and think of you as a close-minded anti drug bitch... but you really are being close-minded about it...

 

this is what happens when kids dont have a father, the mothers raise them and are so protective, and then the kid turns out to be a spoiled brat who thinks he can do whatever he wants

 

I understand that is your house and you dont like it becase it is illegal. However, there is a less chance of him getting caught smoking in the hose, then he's outside doing it somewhere. However, if those are your rules, your entitled to enforce them on your son, it is your house.

 

Odds are this has been said, but I'm pretty close to his age and can relate some what to what could be going on.

I agree 100% if he is living with you and you are footing the bill then he shouldn't be disrespecting you like that. However if you are forcing him to pay rent just like an appartment would ect I'd have a harder time agreeing with you however would agree all the same.

For me personaly, I smoked at home a bit cause I wanted a safe place were I could play with the herb and experment, once i figured most of it out I stopped and only smoke with friends now. I don't think this is the case with your son, you say that you think he has become dependit on pot. This is rather unlikely, honest, I've seen too many people who smoked for years just up and quite and never picked it up agian (unless it a holiday like new years and independence day) I would say that you should consiter there might be a problem he is masking. Could be something as simple as lonelyness, or as complicated as girl problems, or even as crazy as searching for something in him self and is using pot to aid meditation. The point I'm trying to get across is the fact that he is smoking alone suggest that he isn't looking for a party but rather answers. If this is the case he mentaly won't be able to stop till he eather discovers the answer he's looking for or makes peace with not knowing.

I don't know if this solves your problem but hopfully it'll help you understand what could be going on in his head. Then agian I could be wrong and he is using pot as a fix....

J.C

 

It is legal for me to smoke cigarettes when I am home from college in my parents' house. Would I be allowed to if I smoked? No. Their house, their rules.

I don't see why it's so different from pot.

 

because she's basing the rules in her house off the assumption that if its a law it must be right... not on the fact so much that she doesn't like her son to enjoy himself and expand his mind, but the mentality of "Bush says its baaad, so it must be true."

 

I don't necessarily agree that this is her motivation behind the rule but whatever reasoning is used as the basis is beside the point. It's her roof and her rules. Whether or not there's factual justification doesn't alter her right to expect certain guidelines to be respected as a condition of an adult having his food and shelter provided freely by her. The fact that anti marijuana laws are based on bullshit will be cold comfort if he gets busted and they execute a search warrant on her home and confiscate marijuana, paraphernalia, then decided to seize her property and press charges on her. Far fetched? I think not. "But marijuana laws are unjust!" "Tell it to the judge"

Even that is immaterial. If pot were to be perfectly legal she has every right to bar it from being brought onto her property and she is under no obligation to justify her rules. Personally I believe that weed should be legalized but that doesn't justify my using it on private property where it's not allowed.

 

I think it's totally fair to bar pot from the house, and you seem fairly reasonable about understanding that you can't really keep a 20-year-old guy from doing it elsewhere. Hell, the smell is pretty strong - that's a good enough reason not to want it in the house.

I think your son ought to respect you enough to keep the pot out of the house. Hasn't he heard of taking a walk?

Stinkfoot -
"Personally I believe that weed should be legalized but that doesn't justify my using it on private property where it's not allowed."
Exactly!

 

Refresher...

My son is still in college, therefore I still pay tuition, he pays me no rent, and he still lives here when not in school. His money from his job at school is what he lives on while at school. His money he earns at his job here at home in the summer is what he lives on for gas for his car, spending money, etc. What's left he saves.

G. Bush has nothing to do with my rules - don't know why he was brought into this other than metaphorically speaking, maybe. I am for pot being legalized but even if it was legal, I don't want it in my house just as I don't want cigarettes/cigars/pipes/bongs/or flame throwers in my house. I'm the one paying the mortgage and the homeowners insurance for fire/flood/petulance/locusts so I get to make the rules pertaining to my house.

Since my original post on this forum my son has smoked in the house one time each break from school, while I have been right here, live and in person a room away. Over the holidays he told me he was thinking of getting an apt. this summer and wanted my opinion. It is the worst thing he can do financially because he can't afford it, but I didn't tell him that because he has it "all figured out". There is no reason he can not go out on his own, but he'll need an additional job to be able to afford it. I told him to go for it. He seems to think an additional job is not necessary...today. I just smile at him. He'll learn. I have told him I will not be paying for his apt, as I pay for him to go to school, not to live in an off-campus apt. year-round. He agreed with that. He has put money down on this apt. along with two other roomies, signed a year-long lease effective this May, and I am not involved in any way financially. He says he has a problem abiding with my no-pot-in-the-house rule (ya think?), but he understands.

Bottom line: I am proud of him for wanting to move out and be on his own, but I want to smack him upside the head for pulling this crap and disrespecting me. He should be mature enough to live by the one and only stinkin' rule I've imposed. He's attained As and Bs in every class, has a plan for his future, has a good job at school, has a good job when at home. As I told him, I would be concerned if he DIDN'T want to leave home at the age of 21. As a mom, I think he's right where he should be: searching for independence and wanting to make it on his own.

Gotta go finish packing up his room now!

 

Well, on the upswing at least you've solved your problem, right?

Off campus housing is a trip. Personally I was the Resident Assistant or Head Resident Assistant so I never had to deal with it (or the regular housing process for that matter).

It's always an interesting experience to watch someone grow up. In this case moving out might be just what he needs to wake up to the realities of the rest of the world. IMO if someone hasn't figured that out, doing it in an off campus housing situation is relatively low risk.

A few of my younger friends all had this idea that they were going to get a house together and they had the whole thing worked out... long story short it didn't happen cause no one had the maturity to actually figure it out. So it's a good sign that he's able to at least get the independence ball rolling.

As I recall from personal experience lesson #2 is: "learning to live within your means". Not a fun one, but necessary. I see a lot of my younger friends getting ready to graduate now with all these ideas and things they want in their house (fancy cable, satellite, super high speed internet, etc etc), and I can only laugh to myself.

Congratulations on raising such an independent and capable son. Hopefully he makes it through the next few life lessons unscathed.

 

Heres my opinion: I have nothing against pot... Actually I love it..

But anyways it is your house and your rules. he should know that.....Damn I'm 15 and I know that.

Just dont call the cops, that could lead to bad things

 

beat the shit out of him

 

Would you rather he keep it outside where he COULD be discovered smoking it and goto jail? Or would you rather have him hole up in the house where the cops cannot just bust down your door because a neighbor said that the kid was smoking pot?

My mom and I had the same beef. She said to go outside, off the property. I mentioned that it would expose me to the cops that way. If I smoked in the house no one would ever know. And no one ever did because she dummied up and agreed with me.

At least he's not drinking. You already know full well how that turns out.

Good luck.

 

Good for you for sticking with it. If you fold on this he will only expect you to do it again on something else,(a little help with this months rent Ma?) As parents we are some times required to make tough decisions. It can be easy to second guess someone when your not responsible for the outcome. As far as search and seizure goes cops only need probable cause, not a warrant. Smelling it qualifies. I hope his landlord is as understanding as you are.

 

your house your rules...im a 20 yr old college student and my parents recently found out i smoked and they were not nearly as understanding as u....i was in deeeeeep shit...they dont know i still smoke, but i cant argue with anything they want to say b/c they're supporting me financially, so y tempt them? lol...i kno all the facts about all the drugs i do, and i'm very responsible in my use...so i still do it, but i dont do it at home or where my parents could find out...

 

Yup.

An eloquently simple rule of life- You'll never learn how to pick yourself up until you've fallen down and your son needs to feel in a real and personal way the concept of "overextended" in order to truly appreciate the value of staying under your roof. Perhaps very soon he will come to understand that not smoking weed is such a trivial sacrifice to make in order to earn his mother's respect and support.

 

Spank the shit out of him :whip:

Haha nah but I'm 20 myself, and in my opinion, that's pretty messed up, especially INSIDE the house? wtf?

 

I'm 21, and I live with my mum, and the situation is the same my house, my rules. She does not even allow smoking in the flat. So unless she's away for a few days, then no smoking is done in the house at all. If I want to smoke, I go elsewhere. I'd never do it with her in the house, hell I'd not do it if they were going to be back that day. It's respect, simple as.