19yr old daughter doesnt want to get a job

Have you tried going job hunting with her?

 

if you wanted your kid to be job ready you should have started when she was 10.....you have completely fucked up


also....all good parents help thir teenage kids through the process of job hunting with compassion and understanding

you dont just just proclaim ''go find a job''...not in todays world

 

A pos rep for that post, some wisdom there. Prostitution of the mind, of your freedom, far worse

LOL, or more simply she's not as cute anymore, so they are over the whole kid thing

More specifically intern at somewhere to do with what she is going to Uni for, which would be far more about what is actually in her best interest than flipping burgers

 

^^^
As you said :2thumbsup:.

 

This :iagree:

Let her be herself, talk to her about her interests and if there is anything she wants to do and if she says she isn't ready then she isn't ready.. throwing her out will not help unless you are trying to making her not speak to you again..

 

getting a job in this country can be difficult, you have to go out and walk the streets and go in every single place....and sometimes there's long lines of people waiting to get applications....I remember one restaurant I went in and there was a line going all the way out side and there were 2 people inside with stacks of applications handing them out to people.

what's even harder is getting a "real job"...you gotta have some kind of skill or education but that shouldn't be a problem for her since she's going to a University, hopefully she can get a white collar job

sorry if I sound pessimistic but that's how it is here, there's too many people and not enough money for everyone to have something, and they cut the workforce down like crazy.

 

Not only that but i've also leaned on friends who have the capacity to hire to at least let her submit a CV, she wont co operate and refuses to go and says she wont work a job thats nothing short of boring monotonous drudgery , granted these jobs are menial minimum wage summer jobs but isnt having a summer job all part of growing up?
I just dont know whether to keep pushing or give up and let her deal with her own life, to date she's been a grade A honor roll student and is now about to embark on a masters degree in Geology at Montreals McGill University.

 

all i can say is cut all allowances ,cut all luxuries ,no new clothes, if she throws a tantrum and destoys her clothes then let her walk around starkers, give her basic meals and say to her if she wants more then she earns more
dont give in to the emotional blackmail which she has seen work
it will be hard on you but if you keep raising her with a silver spoon then she will never be able to take care of herself
thankfully my daughter is only 4 and son is 7 but they are made to do house work and other jobs so they will learn the etiquette of work
and do not find work for her let her do that herself the harder she tries then give her something back

 

Sounds like she knows that you will pay the bills, so she is making excuses not to work. You should tell her that you won't pay for her schooling unless she gets a job to help contribute to it.

 

Well, that makes it a triple facepalm.

So you are hanging on to relevance and she was smarter than you 10 years ago.

Still think she doesnt have a cell phone?

If a masters in geology leads to the mining industry, she'll be paying for your retirement, thats if she doesnt think you are a douchebag

 

Not mining. Oil. She'll be Alberta bound. That's usually whatt a geo-degree means here.
Calgary will be easy for her spoiled self but if she ends up in Edmonton or heaven forbid Fort Mac, she's gonna have toughen up a good deal.

 

You seem to just make stuff up as you go along, nothing you have posted so far is relevant to the topic,just some bizarre theory that seems to emanate from some realm of the absurd..

 

Right, realm of the absurd, anything that might get you pissy and hurt that sensitive little male ego couldnt possibly be true and is just the ravings of a looney.

Your daughters and Honour Student, turns on the crocodile tears and daddy pays for everything. I'm sure she never work out how to use that on other men

I'm just going to sit here and wrap tin foil around my head so the aliens cant hear me and talk to the little blue monkeys cos I'm such a looney tune.

Parents, Pffttt

 

parents just don't understand

 

I'm surprised she hasn't looked for a job after cutting her phone. Getting a job was the scariest thing in the world to me as a teenager but I sucked it up because I wanted a cell phone and I wanted car insurance and gas money.

Does she have much of a life? If she is content to sit at home all summer instead of going out and spending money with friends it is understandable that she has no motivation to work.

I wouldn't pressure her but just make it clear that if she wants anything or wants to do anything fun this summer she has to get a job to pay for it.

 

I would ask her to move and ask her how much time she needs. If she didn't tell me, I'd give her a couple months. Either that, or kick in toward expenses.

"Pushing" is not my style, at all.

 

Well, I didn't intend my post to sound like a "true hippy response", or for that matter, I don't consider myself as a "true hippy"... But thanks for the kudos anyway, lol.

The two posts above, as far as I'm concerned, are the truth. MY kudos go to both Lively_Girl and CandiiRainbow.

So, you want your daughter to work, and because she refuses to do so, you took away her phone and computer, you're not providing her with basic allowances, but you increased the amount of work she has to do around the house...

Can we say, HOLY MIXED MESSAGES!!! You increased the amount of work for less reward? Is this your idea of teaching "responsibility of work"? If so, then NO WONDER it's failing epic fashion. Please tell me what the point of work is if more work means less reword.

Another thing: you're actually PUSHING her to work as a burger flipper, or a staff at a gas station?? What kind of parent are you?? I mean, not to say there's anything wrong with jobs like those, someone has got to do them. But what makes you think those are what YOUR DAUGHTER needs? She probably has some ideas about her own future, and working minimum wage at some shop probably isn't her idea of working toward those goals. Do you not even know what your own daughter's dreams are?

Here's a new idea... So you took away her phone, her computer, you're not giving her any money, and you make her do more chores. Now, how about YOU AND YOUR WIFE also do the same to YOURSELVES? Does your daughter have any siblings? If so, take away their phones, their computers, and stop giving them money, and make them do more chores, too. Everyone in your family supports her working this summer, right? Then show her that by making the same sacrifices. Don't ever make it all a punishment because, frankly, she hasn't done anything wrong. And she's resenting it all right now because she's been punished for the things she's never done in the first place. If you're not prepared to make those sacrifices yourselves, then DO NOT impose them only on your daughter.

Again, you're ASSUMING that a summer job is a part of growing up. Let me tell you something, you are WRONG. I for one NEVER had a summer job while growing up. I knew what I wanted to be from fairly early on, and I was lucky enough to have a set of parents who were always supportive about my decisions. Eventually, I became what I always wanted to become. Why? Because I PURSUED my dreams. I never, ever, thought about working at McShit's, or at a gas station, or some office, because I knew those things wouldn't help me achieve my goals. Instead, I focused on the things I actually required in order to become that person I wanted to be. I for one can totally relate to your daughter, because I would absolutely HATE to have a job that is "nothing short of boring monotonous drudgery", especially if it was my very first job.

If she's going for a Master's in geology, then why don't you help her do something this summer that could actually help her toward that, instead of pushing her to work some minimum wage job? I mean, she's starting McGill, that's a great uni, and is hard to get into. She's already accomplished so much, and I for one think she deserves a break this summer. Like I said before, travelling would be great if she's into geology. Maybe even exploring the local areas, perhaps with her friends. She could go camping and observe the mountain surfaces. NONE OF WHICH has anything to do with flipping burgers. So, DO NOT assume you know what she wants. Instead, ASK her, and try to understand where she's coming from.

Unless she doesn't even like geology. If she was pushed into that field of study just like she's been pushed into finding a job right now, then you have a bigger problem than you currently think you do. And in any case, don't assume SHE is the problem, because she isn't. This whole situation is taking place right now because YOU and YOUR WIFE were the initial problem. Don't assume something is wrong with HER. LOOK WITHIN YOURSELVES, and instead of expecting responsibility shown by her, take responsibilities as her PARENTS. It's NOT about pushing, it's NOT about showing work sucks. It's about guiding her into living a happy life so that she will ENJOY WORKING. And right now, you're doing the complete opposite of that.

That's what I think at least. I know most people disagree.

 

Some good points rational thinker. A few here seem obsessed with the cell phone, she lost it and if she wants another she can earn it herself,(unreasonable?) since its been a few months its apparent she can live just fine without the phone.
The computer seems to be another issue,dropping the wifi connection stops her from spending every waking moment of the day glued to her laptop.
She'll be in her mid 20's by the time she completes her schooling it just doesnt help her CV in my opinion to state she's never worked a day in her life even if its minimum wage summer jobs that to an interviewer show drive and ambition to work rather than some one who just played around and had a good time every summer.
Perhaps our need to have her working in summers reflects on our lower middle class up bringing where it was expected that one work summers or at least make an effort rather than just sit around for the best part of 3 months doing nothing but mooching off Mom and Dad for everything..

 

I think everyone here agrees, that having a summer job is a good thing. Learning things, getting experience, earning money, doing something productive - they are all good things.

It is however obvious that your approach to the problem with your daughter isn't the best. How do I know this? Because it isn't working.