nice...simple yet very dark...
Hi...I havent posted anything in a while, i got self-conscious all of a sudden, but i need help with this one. what do i need to do with it? do...
wow that last stanza is a hell of a closer...
oooohh...very nice! wonderful images. i liked the form, i think the paragraph stanzas keep us in the stream of consciousness. i would have liked...
i have to agree that i like what this poem is about, but for me the poem really started with "you carried half a watermelon in your hands"...the...
Hi Vetty, I'm going to agree with red a bit, the three spaced lines need the most work, but i wouldnt cut them if i were you. i really liked the...
I'm surprised no one has commented on these...i liked them. the second one is very clever, i like that both form and content are compact yet...
thanks!
im just going to second everyone else here, this was very good, nice story line and imagery. i really enjoyed reading it out loud...have you ever...
wow...amazing rhythm. it was a lot of fun to read out loud. i like the way you use the repetition of the parenthsis and the "good night, good...
thanks! i wanted it to be darker, but i dont really think that came across. i think i will be writing a nonfiction essay on it when i'm a little...
hey no prob! glad to be of service! i cant stand it when i dont know what to write or where to start, i feel a little off kilter in those times...
red you wrote something! yay! ok...i like the concept here and your images are really good, can i make some suggestions? i would just rearrange...
(revised version) Falling Apart I'm a clay sculpture crumbling, ear-nose-finger plink and fling, pebbles from under car tires. A water-color...
Hi Heywood, thank you for spending some time in my thread! I appreciate your compliments! you know...with this one i was pretty stuck. i know...
Raped The earth tilted today, heavy head went limp on broken neck, now eyes see sideways. And there he is clinging to the trees, pulling at...
nice.
i liked this one. i'm not usually a fan of poems that rhyme but you did a good job to not get cliche or lose the flow. good meter too.
ahaha...and i was still laughing from the other crackhead comments!!
ahaha...heywood i had to log in just to say you fuckin crack me up!
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