Being a guy who doesn't get girls

I've tried it, goddamnit, I've tried it. I'm not whining. Just a couple weeks ago I went out on the town with this guy I know. Put on a nice outfit and a positive attitude and went out to have fun with him and a couple other buddies. Tried to approach women and everything. Gave it a fair shot. Girls were hanging off the three other guys and didn't even bat an eye at me. I'm not creating this fantasy in my head.

 

Yes you are. You are actively WHINING on an internet forum instead of living your life.

 

OUCH......



Cheers Glen.

 

Yeah I know. But it really needed to be said.

 

OP, do you want a wife who meets societal standards or who meets primarily your own individual cravings?

I'm not sure improving hygiene and buffing yourself up physically are your issues. Sure, good hygiene and being in shape (as in having some energy and muscle) never hurts, and not investing in them at all is indeed a sure thing to decrease chances. But you sound like the guy who realizes that fine. And is at odds with unfixable physical traits and the there out following insecurity.. I can assure most guys know that mindset. The key is acceptance of yourself. And realizing what you crave most in a partner. Also, don't get fooled by the pretty people and that you never can get a relationship because you're less pretty or can even be considered 'not normal'. Lots of 'abnormal' people out there that have not given up

 

It sounds to me as if you have a very interesting life, far from what I imagined from your original post.
When you meet a girl, be yourself and you may soon discover that she is far more interested in you than in the latest boy band or fashion trends.
On my first real date with Jane, I got a last minute work call. Rather than cancel our date, I took her with me to sort out the problems. We ended up spending 10 hours in the control rooms of a nuclear power station. Believe it or not, we are still together after 38 years.
Hopefully, a few years from now, you will look back on these posts and smile.

 

My coworker is in a band, and one of my other coworkers asked me if I wanted to go out and watch them play tomorrow night. I'm considering it, but I don't know.

 

My life is not interesting. I'm the perfect definition of a loser. I'm very lame-brained and stupid, I've failed at everything, and I still live with my parents. I don't even want to try to change things for the better at this point. I don't deserve to. I'm too done with life to give a flying horse's dick about that. There is nothing about me that a girl would ever find enticing or attractive. I'm as butt ugly as they come, and I have physical deformities as well. I'm also a pitiful excuse for a man. There is no good reason why a girl should choose me when there are tons and tons of viable men out there. Hence, the reason why I get the luxury of witnessing how girls respond to other guys right before my eyes. My best efforts are completely dismissed and unrecognized by girls, whilst other guys seem to obtain their attention and aftection with very little effort. Evolution speaks very loudly. It decides the selection process. I have nothing to offer. I'm like one huge red flag. It's not morally right for me to be with a woman. I feel it would violate the way things should be. For this reason, I think it's best I try to purge the desire I have for it all, and work towards contentment in life as a loner.

 

Every day I run across some ugly guy with a hot chick in tow and wonder how the fuck he ever ended up with her.


You yourself must encounter the same thing, if you could ever get one of those guys alone; ask them their secret for success

 

You Say you And Your Father Jointly Own A Plane......There's An Obvious Opening For

You To Explore......Offer To Take A Girl....Or Two....Or Three For A Scenic Flight Around

Your District......Then Coffee In The Clubhouse Afterwards......Just A Thought......



Cheers Glen.

 

Sounds pretty retarded to me bro, but ultimately you gotta be the one to call the shots which way youre gonna go and to be honest with that attitude youve got youve already made your decision

 

I stay depressed most of the time. I'm frankly very tired of feeling this way. Depression happens even when there's nothing triggering it. I just feel alienated from the rest of the world. I don't get why other people are mostly this way, and I'm that way. Nothing makes sense to me. I know you all probably don't understand what I'm saying.

 

I don't know what I'm going to do. This shirt tortures me every day, but I know I've got nothing to offer. I just want to let go, but I can't. There's that built in desire and longing for love/sex/companionship that I can't shake. I've never felt it before, and am convinced I can never experience it, while others get to enjoy it rather easily.

I keep being reminded of my past. The way I've always been ostracized by others. In school people used to publicly ridicule me when they found out I had a crush on a girl, particularly a popular girl. That's because everyone has always regarded me as a freak and a loser. All of that has led me to believe that I'm inherently unworthy and undesirable. I have this mental block that would prevent me from pursuing someone even if I knew they liked me (which I still think is impossible). I don't know what to do. So many problems in my head. So much frustration, contempt, and bitterness. If I could let go of the desire for all of this right now, I'd do it without hesitation.

 

Theres good reason for you to feel like shit. Its a healthy reaction to misstepping.

You dont need to be ok with the way you are. You need to bust ass to change and lift yourself up.

 

I Suggest Next Time You Buy A Shirt.....Buy It One Size Larger.....Problem Solved......



Cheers Glen.

 

Hey you made me laugh. Thanks.

 

Its your attitude and perception that is ultimately killing you here. I would not advocate any woman to be with you because of those 2 aspects about you. Well, although it depends on the details: still living with your parents is also a big indication usually. Unless your parents live with you because they're old and need care or something (then it would actually be a plus! but yes, only for certain women).
Anyway, there's a woman out there who can live with most of your shortcomings and also love you at the same time. But you never gonna be with her as it is now because you're selfloathing and depressed.

 

I agree with Asmo. The problem here is not that women don't see the OP as desirable, but is that the OP has been actively keeping his self esteem low. Women can see this kind of thing in a person, and thus keep their distance.

The living with parents part can also depend on the cultural thing. I come from a culture where it's not all that uncommon, but my folks are also getting older so it just works out that I'm around.

As for the physical attractiveness aspect, I think, again, it's about how one carries oneself. It's about self esteem, and it's definitely about how willing one is in terms of improving oneself and boosting one's self confidence. One must be able to love oneself first and foremost before one moves on to loving others, as they say.

I mean, I used to look fairly good, except my teeth aren't exactly straight and some people definitely have found that aspect of me a bit off-putting. Some of them would even ask why I never got braces. But there are those who don't focus on my teeth when they see me. I've also gained a bit of weight in the recent years(I'm trying to lose it), plus I'm in my 40's now which means I no longer quite belong in the young crowd. But even with these physical "setbacks", I've been lucky enough to have a fairly high self esteem, and others usually see that(except in high school, lol). This has played a big part in my being able to find romantic partners, but that certainly isn't to say that I'm always successful either. My problem is that I sometimes(or, often? lol) fall for the wrong types of girls, and get hurt in the end. But that's actually pretty common. I think most guys have been in that situation at least once or twice. So, those guys the OP sees who seem like they are always meeting girls just might not be as happy as they seem in the end. That's another thing to consider.

Oddly enough, I met my current girlfriend after I gained weight. It's not like I'm super obese, but I could definitely lose a few poundage. But the extra layer of fat isn't what my girlfriend focuses on when she sees me. Ultimately, we're in a relationship because we are compatible with each other and enjoy each other's company. One must be comfortable in one's own skin, but one must also strive to improve oneself. This drive for self improvement is part of what makes one shine brighter from within. It's an ingredient that fuels one's self confidence.

 

Jennifer19... You should take lessons from her..
One of the bravest ladies I know.
Ask her what keeps her up there.. what makes her life fun.. you could learn a lot from that lady, she makes me smile!

Ever watch a show called the undatables? Great show, look it up.

But sitting on your ass moaning about your lot, don't work..

When you get up in the morning, turn your music on, eat cerial, and drink coffee..

When you walk past people, use eye contact and smile, you be surprised how many smile back.. stop looking at the floor!

Go get a hair cut.. spend some money on an outfit.. get a nice body spray.. but don't go for the usual, let the person behingthe counter choose..or buy the most popular..

But look up, smile, and your day will start different, I guarantee..

Oh I should have said, not a great big cheesy smile, just a lip curl smile

 

So you've tried the PUA thing?

 

I'm an ginorant hick, which means I'm not good with internet acronyms.