Partner Swapping Arrangements

You saw my recent internal struggles on this sort of subject, so can understand why I am reading this thread of yours, though it was started long ago.

Your arrangement sounds ideal to me, if we were to explore outside of traditional marriage sex life! LIke I said in the other thread, I don't like the idea of de-humanizing people, making appointments with strangers to use them as a toy. But I would love to have occasional fun and affectionate sex with friends my husband and I care about.

As we have been considering the swinger lifestyle, I have often thought it would be really cool to find out that our best friends (a couple we've known for 20 years) were secretly doing this, and we could just do it all together. I really don't think they are though.


Having to be worried about people finding out, to the point you describe, sounds horrific though! I am firmly decided that if we decide to enter that lifestyle, I will not hide it, I will accept the consequences. I'd rather be hated for what I am, than liked for what I am not! -I also don't want any secrets that can be used as potential weapons against me- that would make lie stressful.

Our children are all over 18 and out of the house, and I am thinking that they will have to know if we decide this. I am hoping that won't be traumatizing..... but on the other hand, they were raised in Europe, with less taboos. People into nudism are all over the place here, and they are used to that. They know we go to nude beaches, and it makes them roll their eyes and laugh.
But this might be more upsetting to them, I don't know.
From my own past, I find myself shrugging and saying heck, they are much older than I was, they won't actually witness anything or hear any details- they'll survive fine.

 

If you ever find people who can get beyond any kind of jealousy, you should find that it is an amazing bonding experience for two women to share their husbands, and talk openly about it, in a positive way. In my situation, this has definitely fed the growing romantic feelings I have for the other wife.

Even though I like her very much, she is quite different from me in several ways. I really can't imagine my husband choosing someone like her as his permanent mate. That makes me feel completely secure in not being at risk for replacement. I'm sure she would say something very similar about me. Yet, these personality differences make swapping more interesting for our husbands. A fun date is often a poor match for a spouse.

Since wives tend to be deeply attached to our houses, the house swap arrangement where the women move and the men stay home feels like a very intimate exchange to me. Trusting someone with your kitchen and master bathroom can feel almost as personal and intimate as sharing a penis. I don't think any straight man is going to understand this. When the men move and the women stay home, it's a much less radical departure from normal life.

Personally, my favorite weekends are the ones when we are all four together, so I can get my homosexual action. I've become so much more open to this than I used to be.

Most likely, their main immediate concern will be whether or not you're on a path to divorce. Once the passage of time shows this not to be a concern, they can stop worrying about it. Nobody wants their parents to get a divorce, or to need one.

 

I think it is awesome! Whatever floats your boat! sounds fun!!!!! I also admire you for having the guts to put this on here.

 

Update: Temporarily, a fifth person has been added to the group; an old friend who is divorced but not yet dating. Everybody understands that her participation will last only until she starts dating again.

Also, the other wife's younger daughter is now aware of the arrangement. She's more of a free spirit like her mother, and thinks the whole thing is cool as hell. She agrees that her older sister, who is living on her own in another city, would freak out if she was told.

 

I think Karen's arrangement is wonderful. Very thoughtful and sane....not to mention fun. My wife and I enjoy a fabulous open marriage that works very well and is somewhat limited to two current partners for her. Both are men she has known for quite some time. For me I currently have no time for extra curricular activities and that's ok. As for letting the kids know about it that will never happen. Don't think it is any of their business, anybodies business for that matter, so we will never let them know.

 

Are they still living at home? If so, it can be hard keeping big secrets from them for a long time. Clues accumulate.

In my case, I didn't have input into the decision to drop the secrecy, but it has made it easier for me when I'm around the girl.

 

That sound great Karen. Good for you guys!

 

No, they aren't living at home. I agree that it would make a big difference if they were living at home.

 

It might also make a difference if you had a daughter old enough to have some kinks of her own, and open enough to tell her mother about some of them.

 

We only swap with a close group of friends. I love the idea of my husband having sex with another woman. For me it's a turn-on. We have a close number of friends who will join us for threesomes occasionally, and a married couple (my best friend and her husband) who we swap with once in a while. She has bigger breasts than me, so it's a real turn-on to see her fuck him. And sometimes when I'm horny and my husband isn't at home, I like to go over to their house, and (if they're in the mood) let them share me.

We do a lot of stuff together. We're good friends even outside of the sex. I trust my husband enough to know that he would never leave me because he found someone 'better'.

It all started because I'm bisexual. I like girls a lot. If he asked me to give it up, I absolutely would. He knows that. I wanted to experience a girl/boy/girl threesome. And it just went from there. I love surprising him with a threesome because I know he's going to enjoy it. Just like I know he's going to enjoy fucking other girls that are on our 'approved list'. Sometimes we like going to a strip club, and I like watching him get a lap dance (and sometimes I'll get one too).

There's nothing wrong with monogamy. I wouldn't mind it too much if that's what my husband wanted. But I don't see the need to conform to anybody else's standards.