is it a phase, or a bigger problem, or...???

I want to give up. I am just completely tired of my son's attitude right now. He's been staring at the same stupid math worksheet for the past 5 hours, and I am just plain tired of trying to fight him. He doesn't want to work, he doesn't want to try, and it takes me 3 times as long as it ought to to get any new concept to register with him. He's got a research project that I gave him 2 weeks ago, on 5 of the biomes around the planet. Well he hasn't even finished researching the info to create the report on Deserts, and that's the first part! He has 4 more parts after this, and it's due in mid-february. At the rate he's going, he'll be lucky to have it finished by Memorial Day. And this could very well cause him to fail the quarter, because this counts as 1/4 of his science AND writing grade.

I dunno if we're dealing with a learning disability or just a personality conflict right now. He isn't dyslexic or disgraphic... I know how to spot those. And he doesn't have any attention-based issues so I'm thinking it's gotta be him. But why is it SO hard to get anything into his head??? (bangs head on keyboard)

DH & I sat him down this weekend & told him that at the rate he's going, I will have to send him to public school next year. He isn't ready to take the annual tests in April, and if he gets less than 30% in any subjects, I'm required to send him to public school or have him tutored... and I don't think we can afford a tutor. Right now he's still only halfway through the 3rd grade math curriculum, (he is in 4th grade for everything else) and his writing is just awful. I fight him on such basics as writing with lowercase letters and using proper punctuation every day. He CAN write. He writes very well on the computer, even when I turn the spelling & grammatical checkers off. But he refuses to do it, if I make him write his work out.

Has anyone else gone through this? Is it just a phase? What on earth am I supposed to do?
love,
mom

 

I have similar problems with my 10 year old son, not as drastic though. About the only thing that works for me is no tv, no playing etc until all work is done. Sometimes I have to site right beside him and keep him on task because his mind wanders...do one math problem, sharpen pencil for 5 minutes...draw a smiley face on his jeans, pick the dirt off his shoe....get scolded my mom...pout for 10 minutes......do another math problem....and repeat over and over. If he has something to look forward to doing after schoolwork is done, maybe that would encourage him? Maybe an hour on a video game or whatever his hobby is?

We don't have testing here in Nebraska (thank GOD!) so I can only imagine the stress that goes along with that!

Whats his excuse for not doing his work? Is the work too difficult or is he just bored?

If worse comes to worse, can you *ahem* "help" him with his testing to avoid the dreaded public school system?

If its any comfort, I also hs my 13 year old twin boys, and they're fine with schooling. They get their work done first thing in the morning (usually) and don't give me any hassels about it. So maybe its just a phase with the younger boys??

Good Luck mom,
Blessings,
Bee

 

i gots me no kids, but when i used to babysit, the kids would ask for help on their homework/projects, whatever. they didn't wanna tell their parents because they thought their parents would say their dumb. mabey a third party friend, or a study-buddy could be of help.

 

It looks like maybe we need to just back off for awhile. I've talked to a few other homeschooling friends as well, and he's not nearly as far behind as I'd thought... our curriculum is that advanced! Wow did that make me feel better! And yeah, it sounds like every 10 year old boy out there is going through the same thing so it must just be a phase.

I'm breaking out the unit study materials, and we're going to just take it easy on everything but math for awhile. It'll mean a little more prep-time on my part, but after the headaches I've been fighting over the past few months I will GLADLY take it for the change in pace!

I can't help him with the testing, and truly I wouldn't want to. I need to know that I'm teaching him properly, and this is the only way to do it. It's not as bad as you'd think... He's tested by another homeschooling mama. We swap kids for the day, so neither are tempted to help our kiddies. So he's in a safe caring environment with people he's known for years, but Mom isn't there

Thank you so much. It helps so much to know I'm not alone. We've homeschooled since birth, and this is the first real roadblock we've come to. I feel so sheepish for wanting to back out the moment things get tough, but I am just soooo paranoid of not doing everything right and "ruining my child" for life. I truly feel ever so much better now, knowing that we're not alone AND that we're still doing okay.
love,
mom

 

I'm glad to hear things are better for you. Sounds like you have everything under control!

Blessings,
Bee

 

Wow. I was like that all through high school. My poor mommy had to put up with me, and guess who's stubborn streak I inherited!

 

perhaps worksheets aren't the best way for him to learn. i fought my son with reading worksheets and readers for way too long. when i finally gave it a rest for awhile, he taught himself to read by playing video games.

worksheets aren't a very fun way to learn. try something else.

 

I agree. If it ain't workin, try something else. Nobody wins a power struggle. Come up with a solution *together* - just talk and listen to your kid instead of bossing him around and expecting him to obey your orders. Threatening him with public school isn't helping him feel better, I'm sure. Did it help you feel better?

No, it's not the only way to do it. Free your mind from the constraints your own institutionalized education has shackled you with. homeschool does not have to be, should not be, school at home. It can be fun and interesting, and when it is, kids learn a lot more.

To ease your own mind a bit, go to the library and get practice tests of the sort he will have to take in April, and find some fun way of doing them, like a game, trivial pursuit or something. Have the entire family join in, and don't suck all the fun out of it by forcing him to participate. If he sees you and your husband playing this new "game" and having fun with it, he might want to be a part of it too. He might suprise you with how much he really does know, and that it's the pressure that is holding him back. Some kids just cannot function when given direct commands. There's nothing wrong with that, unless you are unable to work with him to find a mutually agreeable solution.

I'd suggest you read a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene. It has really helped me and my husband in putting an end to the no-win situation that always happens when a power struggle begins.

 

i really think worksheets are one of the absolute worst ways to learn. they are designed to produce manageable numbers for examinining groups and comparing one student to another. they are the "little" version of a standardized test, and pretty much useless when it comes to actually teaching or learning.

you know what? i think you should take the workbooks and the grades and the tests and the worksheets and toss them all in the garbage. better yet, have your homeschooler toss them in the garbage. throw out the "school" mentality together, make a ceremony out of it. then spend some time, say a week or two, just observing your child. what does he like to do? what activities is he actually learning by doing (and remember, learning does not mean "generating a grade"). school kids get a summer vacation, after all, so it won't "damage" your son's learning or "put him behind" if you just give yourself some time to decompress and observe each other. (because believe me, he's observing you and i'll bet he's noticed that you don't enjoy the worksheets and are only doing them because you think you have to do them, too. obviously this structured system isn't working for either of you. he'll see it and seize on it with relish and joy when you find a way that's fun and works for you both.)

for example, my little boy really enjoys playing video games, which frankly, i hate. but he taught himself the flags of various countries by playing street fighter, and he taught himself to read playing spiro and other role-play fantasy adventure games which have a lot of text-based dialog and instructions. he enjoys drawing, and he processes information by filling sketchbook after sketchbooks with drawings and picture-stories of just about everything he observes or thinks about. perhaps he doesn't organize or present the information the same way i would, and it certainly is a far cry from a school notebook, but it is solid evidence that he is learning and understanding the world around him, and a good way for me to guage where he's at. perhaps your son might do better keeping a journal, sketchbook, or portfolio than taking tests. (aside from the required state tests, which i deeply sympathize with you on. thankfully we won't have to deal with mandatory testing until 5th grade, and hopefully we'll be out of NY state by then.) and as far as the state tests are concerned, do you know how far off he'd have to be to get less than 30% in any subject? that's a pretty low score. unless you're completely neglecting is intellect, it's unlikely he'd score that low, as long as you're providing an environment that encourages learning. no kid wants to do worksheets (except perhaps for the novelty of it, which wears off quick) but all children want to learn. it's just how people are made. it's ok to trust your kid to learn. they actually learn better when you trust them.

when the pressure's off, and you're coming from a calm, and less-fearful/anxious state of mind, consider getting your hands on some john holt books, and reading about unschooling. there have been some other library books specifically on ideas for unschoolers that have drifted in and out of my life that may be helpful, but to be honest i don't remember their titles. ultimately, you must be more dedicated to and interested in your child than in any system of learning and/or "teaching". it's really better to let them learn with gentle guidance than to "teach".

incidentally, i slip into the school mentality myself from time to time, especially when i'm under pressure from more conservative/"traditional" relatives. and ultimately, i come to realize that the real "teacher" here is actually my son. it is he who does the discovery and learning, and he who reveals to me how that process is taking place and what is truly best for him. all my job is is to gently nudge him along, make sure he has wholesome, quality tools (most of which are not physical tools but mental, emotional and spiritual "tools") to work with, and give him the love, praise, encouragement and space in which he can grow.

 

Y'know, I'd agree with you all about worksheets, but this little guy is the strangest cookie on the tray. He LOVES worksheets! Honest, I'm not making this up. Heaven knows I've tried to teach him without those time-wasting thingies, but it just hasn't worked.

Yes, I was public-schooled. But I hated every minute of it & kept insisting that there had to be a better way to do things. I'm a tactile-learner, and just don't comprehend how some people can learn just by reading about or hearing something once. So right from the start, I tried "alternate" education techniques with him. I started him out on unit-studies & unschooling, and he rebelled. He wanted structure. So I tried two different types of Waldorf curriculum and he HATED all the artsy-fartsy stuff and begged "Please Mummy, can't I just have a WORKSHEET???" So after 3 years of fighting with him, I've come to the realization that maybe SOME people really can benefit from such mundane things as worksheets.

My daughter, now she's a different story. She's the happiest little kiddo with her Main Lesson Book, and her bi-weekly nature hikes. And the only worksheets SHE likes are the ones where she colors by number to create a picture.

Thanks so much everyone We're happily doing an uber-structured unit-study right now, and he is very happily classifying things in neat little categories. (sigh)
love,
mom

 

i aint sure if i remember this correctly or maybe you got more than one that you are schoolim at home,,,,, but to me doesnt seem he is behind at all ... sounds quite frankly to me like he may be being pushed a bit too much with his structured learning n sayin go do.... ,,, my daughter was sorta like this when she was younger,,, and finally after two years of it i sent her back to public school,(i worked full time too) cuz i just didnt have the patience for it all....

now she is here with me and homeschooling or unschooling, whatever you like to call it and 14 having been in the public system for 5-6 years... I basically just set her course plan up , she chooses how she would like to do them and the orders of them,( she is doing block classes) and i grill her each evening on what she has done and look over her assignments... she chooses what types of things that she wants to research etc and do papers etc on... i do no pushing or prodding, no more fighting no more pouty ass days and she is learning what she needs to. All it took from m e was " you have four years to complete grade work,,If you choose you can finish next year or we can drag the whole thing out for as long as you wish... oh n just a lil mention of summertime off time from school...

 

Yes, this is what I've come up with too... it took me 3 months of calling twice a day to finally get ahold of the district liason to see what he needs to have grasped by the end of the year. (and people wonder why I homeschool... if this is all the more they care about my child, phooey on the lot of them!) When she finally deigned to call me back & sent me the info packet that was supposed to have been mailed in August, I found out that we've already surpassed the year's requirements.

So we're finishing out the year in glorious fashion. We've gone back to unit-studies for a month. He chooses the topic, then we work together to design what the end product should look like & what he should have learned and I turn him loose. He's fairly self-guided in these... All he really needs from me is the direction to go, and a set of questions or one big question to find the answer to. Next month we'll reevaluate whether or not to go back to his precious worksheets. But other than math, we're doing just fine. And even in math, we're not nearly as far behind as I'd thought we were
love,
mom

 

my mom had this same problem with mylittle sister. she would take hours and have an attitude..it wasnt a learning disability, it was the same syndrome kids have when they dont want to do homework...nice old-fashioned stubborness...my mom started a reward program for the stuff shed give her and have it finished. like for instance shed give her a day to do a book report and if she got it done she would reward her by taking her to the movies or having her hair doen or something...so try a reward program like a chart with what needs to be done and if it gets done in time give him a sticker when he gets so many stickers for the week he gets a reward...trust me it cured my sister

 

I was homeschooled for 6 years, then went to school for a year, then back to homeschooling for a year, then back to school for half a year, and now I'm back to homeschooling. I really relate to your sons problems here--I remember a lot of difficulty along those same lines, especially the writing thing, and though I can't offer any solution, I can say this--don't give up. I fought my parents on the writing thing all the way until they figured I was old enough to make my own choices. Now I really regret it, as now I can't seem to learn these simple things (how to hand-write lower case, how to hand-write fast enough to maintain some train of thought), which if I'd only put the effort into, I would have learned ages ago. Keep trying. And be sure to instill a good work ethic in your kid, I'm still trying to get one now, and as far as I can see it's not working, I'm just too damned lazy.

 

people should do what is best for them, and thier families. always keep an open mind.
Maybe all the bugger needed was a spontanious refreshing vacation and then back to worksheets with a clear perspective.

 

Just a quick update... we are taking him in next week, for an MRI & developmental councilling. He is behind in several physical activities. He's 10, but can't ride a bike, can't hit a ball with a bat, can't kick a soccerball without tripping... this along with the somewhat sudden drop in school performance has him a little worried about further delays.

In another post somewhere I discussed some of his other problems. It is very likely that he has either Tourettes or Aspergers syndrome - which could help explain why we've had these issues lately. I am praying that we can get to the bottom of this before it starts to affect his learning.

Right now, he is back on some worksheets, but not quite as many as we'd had before. I knock the last 1/3 of each "set" off of the ones we need to do, and things like reviews have been changed over to blackboard or computer practice to help ease the tension. He seems to be doing much better with these small changes.
love,
mom