I Don't Understand How To Have Casual Sex

I interviewed everyone on the planet.

 

Go hang out at one of these cults and fetish events with your peoples. Be natural, don't push a conversation on someone. Be conversational, but don't give someone your life story. Listen more than talking if you must, but girls sometimes want the charismatic type so make sure to make her laugh somehow. Invite a drink or two into the conversation. Watch it flourish into laughs and giggles for an increasing number of topics in your conversation, and when the time is right if you feel the conversation went well then try to lean in and give the girl a kiss. This is the moment of truth as she will either partake (she might even throw in some tongue at which point you have the green light from her) or she'll back away and thats that

 

I dont believe there is such a thing as Casual sex ! Sex involves feelings
I tried for a long time to be a whore and be the ( fuck em and forget em ) type
But it does not really work that way ! Unless you are a robot of some kind
Do you want to be like that ?


OMG I am getting Fucking old
I wish I was around to tell myself stuff Though

 

I always enjoy social sex with new people and experiencing others. I don't think there needs to be "feelings". Like, I'll need to like the people and form an attraction, I won't be with someone I don't like not not attracted to. I don't find it wrong whatsoever. If everyone else seems to be enjoying it like you say, perhaps you're in the wrong?

 

Like is a feeling Mate

 

I think that pretty much all human interaction effects you on an emotional or subtle level. With sex, the level to which it effects you increases.

Some people are more sensitive to that, others less so. A relationship that mostly about sex can work out, but if there is really zero feeling there, I think it injures you whether you are aware of that or not.

 

Yeah,

But it's not an emotional attachment or anything it's just like you're lookin' good, I like your style, let's do this.

 

yeah, this.

 

honestly I know more women who are into casual sex than men. Most of my male friends are very romantic and are always looking for girlfriends/companionship.

I agree with you about the thing about listening. In the movie Pirate Radio, there was a line about how the besg way to get girls is to say as close to nothing as possible. I know it must work because I don't get enough girls and I can't do it . I am such a overly self-focused and talkative person. I need to learn to listen to people better


I'm not saying I want to go out and have a hundred one night stands and be an emotionless psycho. I just want to meet people and get laid sometimes and have fewer obligations. Like I'm OK with having some sort of a relationship, but maybe not a heavily committed,e exclusive one at this time-- then again I don't know if I could handle that. It's possible that I would be the problem. Maybe if I started having sex with somebody and keeping the relationship non-serious and non-exclusive, I might start to have strong feelings of jealousy if she had sex with other people (even if I was doing the same). I know I can be very jealous and hypocritical in that respect -- but that's definitely something I think I should get over.

 

im no expert, but this seems to go against all my past experiences. usually its up to me to fill in the quiet spots in the conversation and kind of control the interaction and that means doing most of the talking.

in fact, i think saying close to nothing would be extremely awkward. imagine someone going up to you, introducing themselves and then staying quiet. it would put alot of pressure on you to either keep the conversation alive or just ending it, and with a stranger its usually easier to just end it. when you do most of the talking, you take alot of pressure off the other person and as an added bonus you get to direct where the conversation goes. if you think you can chat up strangers by saying close to nothing, your probably going to have pretty short conversations.

 

Perhaps if one would think it was wrong for everybody else to have casual sex too But I think if it feels not right for someone intiuitively it is worthwile to determine why they feel like it is not for them. Instead of accepting that the majority seems to like it so just go with the flow. Someone's not wrong on a personal matter because others like it and do things otherwise.

It obviously depends on the person you're talking to. No 'strategy' in this thing is going to work on every woman you hit on. Besides the obvious that not all women like the same kind of guy or approach, it is also so that (although it may not seem like this in general jk) not every woman is as talkative. When they are you can say as little as possible. This can even work with strangers if they are the talkative type. Saying nothing at all would of course be the other extreme

That's clear, no worries. You would like to get laid, not turn into a complete manwhore

I can tell you this though, if you are very jealous then uncommitted or loose relationships, or a thing like a fuckbuddy are probably not really for you. If she's fun and attractive you seem like the kind of person who inevitably will develop a feeling or 2.

 

No actually. It feels like you have to talk in order to fill in the silences, but if you actually just let the silence happen and make yourself comfortable with it, look the person in the eye, smile, whatever, eventually she'll feel weird and start talking. Then you just have to take an interest in what they're saying, and they'll start to like you. You can also use awkward silences to go in for a kiss.

Yeah probably, but I would like to stop being jealous. I don't think it is very helpful.

 

There is something slightly off here: yes you can succesfully do this with certain silences, with certain people. You can use silences to your advantage, sure. Learning to be comfortable with a silence helps a lot, but letting her experience the silence to become a bit uncomfortable in order to let her do the talking will work at least as much against you as for you in reality.

Every person that is prone to jealousy in these kind of circumstances would like it to stop But wishing you just aren't jealous isn't very helpful either (on itself at least). Well, I'm sure you get that too. Not sure jealousy is something to overcome or an intuition that can indicate a more suiting direction for you on these matters. I guess that's for you to figure out

 

Yup, same here. I used to be very quiet, and I still am because I really don't have much to say to most people. When it comes to women, I tend to fake things up a bit because, quite frankly, you need to talk bullshit to get into most women's pants. I hate to say it, but it's true. I know that isn't the case with ALL women, before anyone jumps down my throat -- just most. Being quiet around women will not get you laid, regardless of if you're good looking or not. If you will not or cannot talk to women, you're not going to get laid. Simple as that.

 

It's true, it generally comes down to this: silences, even when they don't have to be, are often experienced as uncomfortable especially when you are with a new person. Therefor to think and go with the approach of 'let them fill in the akward silences, then I will show I'm a good listener' will in most cases not have the effect you would like. This also doesn't mean you should avoid any silence at any cost btw

 

90% of communication is non-verbal. Think on that. Silence is actually the rule of law in human relations; and when you do speak, how you say something is 10x more important than what you say. You can tell a girl "I'm broke" in a confident, humorous, sexy way, and she will love it, and you can tell a girl "I bought my third lamborghini yesterday" in a way opposite of that, and she will think you're a douche who doesn't know where the clitoris is.

As for the aspects of non-verbal communication which are key; eye contact, posture (both on your own and when close to her), and touch. These all instantly transmit information to her about your value as a mate that would take you ages to transmit with just words.

As for how to have casual sex, I personally thought it was what I wanted more than anything, and then when opportunity after opportunity was blown off by me, I realized I was making excuses because there was actually a lot about it in the real world that I didn't want. I want the idealized, porn version of it, which doesn't exist (or maybe in a tiny minority of interactions). In my experience and from seeing and discussing others doing it, it's usually awkward as fuck (even if it was hot as fuck to begin with) and there are always some kind of emotional issues involved, whether too much attachment leading to pain, or a conscious effort to remain detached leading to personal emotional issues. Beware the girl who wants to sleep with you because it will make her look cool. Beware the social slut; therein lies ruin for he that seeks more. That's my own taste though, nothing turns me off quicker than a big ego, and many sluts have huuuuuuge egos, because they equate their sexual history and options with social and personal power, and it goes to their heads, and they often have this stance of "owning" you, paradoxically.

Still, all I did to get myself THAT far in situations was to flirt with girls and simply not entertain any discussion of dating, and keep bringing it back to the present moment, the feelings, the sexual tension, and the desire to be with her right now; keep being casanova and if it's going to happen it will.

 

Bam! Very worthwile to be aware of indeed.

 

are you sure about this? any girl who is a complete stranger doesn't owe you anything, and if they feel "weird" i doubt she would fix it by talking to you, a stranger. and how many times have you really relieved this awkwardness with a kiss?
as i get better at picking up strangers, i notice my awkward silences happen less and less. and if you go in for a kiss during an awkward situation, your gonna get the face turn.

i think being talkative is a trait you absolutely have to have if you want to fuck strangers.

 

For most people, casual sex is just a phase that they go through. When you haven't finished your education, and you don't know yet what the direction of your career will be, the last thing you need to add is the complexity of a serious romantic relationship. Before the right time comes for that, you can have some fun, learn a lot about people, and learn a thing or two about yourself.

 

that's where I am man.

then agin there are probably some girls I would date if they were down.