Boyfriend says toys = cheating

So this is day 3 of an argument I've been having with my boyfriend of 9 months. He says I'm cheating on him because I use sex toys when we can't be together. He says masturbation is fine but toys = cheating. We don't live together and I only get to see him 2 days a week. He has admitted to feeling really insecure and losing a lot of confidence since he learned about it and no matter what I tell him, he is convinced he is "2nd best."

At this point in the argument, he has dropped the demand that I throw them away and says he will "just deal with it." He is very unhappy and is even having nightmares about it. As a woman who has a really hard time reaching orgasm without him (like an hour or more and even then... ugh) I just can't part with them.

So I'm curious to know if any other guys feel this way or have any insight for the situation?

 

I would be getting rid of him before the toys to be honest.

 

I'm a dude. I have no problems with my wife having toys. Dump this dude as fast as you can. Not just because of this debate but because he sounds like someone who might evolve into an abusive control freak who manipulates your emotions.

 

this!!!

 

Sounds like it is more about his own insecurities rather than an issue with the toys. Also, what Wiz said.

 

Because what's the next thing going to be? "Oh....you having that friend makes me feel like I'm second best in your life and I'm having nightmares over it!!" That is classic abusive behavior.

If I was having dreams about my wife banging herself....they damn sure wouldn't be considered nightmares!

 

Hahaha don't need to read this. The title thought is funny enough.
What a fuckin' douche.

 

and people say "women are attracted to assholes" is a myth.

 

Nah I agree with that one. When I was doing security at clubs there were always hot women hanging off filth. I never understood it. Must of been money or drugs but guaranteed there weren't much brains between the ears of the blokes. My cousin seems to manage to have a new chick every weekend and he's an absolute fuckwit. Hepatitis, constantly sacked from jobs, always on restraining order from his family yet women every weekend.

 

What the others are saying is correct! This guy is not a guy you will have a healthy relationship with. You can not cheat with a material object. Guy has got some issues. Get out.

 

$20 says he probably has a "Fleshlight".

and ditto on what the wiz said.

 

Aww I've been unfaithful all of my relationship. =[

 

:rofl:

I agree

 

Right? I would wake up ready to play!

 

I think the OP made this shit up and isn't gonna come back and respond to this.

 

Maybe some background is due here. This guy is incredible and treats me like a queen. Everything I do and say seems like it blows his mind. We have a really good relationship and have a lot of fun together and are really happy with what we have. We are taking the relationship slow, both of us got out of really bad relationships around the same time about a year ago and we are both a bit scarred from our experiences in the cheating realm. This issue came out of left field and I've never heard of such an opinion about sex toys. My pursuit is to find information to help our relationship, not to end it. He really is a great guy, maybe a little sensitive after having his heart broken a few times, but sincere, polite and treats me so well it amazes me daily.
I've had controlling relationships with way more serious issues than penis envy regarding sex toys. This is a guy I want to please and make happy. I'm truly asking for advice here.

 

Ok. Fair enough. I still stand behind my original advice but if we all aren't reading this correctly then I think you need to at least keep an eye on this behavior to make sure it doesn't escalate. I totally understand that you don't want to leave him but...at the same time...my wife used to be the director of about 8 programs dealing with different things like domestic abuse. I actually read her your OP and my response and she thought it was spot-on. Be loving but be careful. You often don't realize what the situation is until you are well into it. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. This discussion raises a number of red flags to me.

 

I totally understand. For some reason manipulative men seem to find me. I have had my defenses up from the beginning and even 9 months in, they haven't faulted. I refuse to go further in the relationship until he shows me certain things, to prove that he has the maturity, cognition and... well.... sanity to retain a healthy relationship. I believe that his age, lack of maturity and previous experiences are having a major impact on his ability to cope with any competition in the sexuality department. Due to the "walls" we have both put up as defense against pain, our relationship is just now reaching the point of trust and openness where things that may be uncomfortable are arising in conversation. He is barely 26, I'm almost 30 and we are both scarred. But the major point here is that yes, I'm looking out for psychological issues that may be harmful to my mental health. But this is quite the opinion... I've never heard of a guy feeling so intensely about a plastic toy.

 

Well...just stay aware and look for signs. Things may work out fine. But I'd try to stay aware of where this dudes head is.

 

My answer to that is birds of a feather stick together. Loser unstable cousin, attracts superficial hot, but probably unstable in their own way, women.

We've seen the issue of men jealous of their women's sex toys issue here addressed multiple times over the past 4 years...it's not new.


But geez I have to say to my fellow guys, that's toys are really commonly used, at this point all guys should assume their girl probably has experimented and uses a toy since they hit puberty.

If toys are being used as a weapon to replace intimacy in a relationship, that's different, but that's not what I'm understanding from the posts.