Yesterday.

There's another issue that keeps coming up. Coming up under the general heading of this situation not getting better and no one helping me. Along with blaming me, I think. I had an appointment with my family physician yesterday. And I had cancel the appointment by phone again. I have had problems with being on time all my life. And I only found out recently that it may be due to my Cerebral Palsy, personality disorder, and whatever I have never been correctly diagnosed with. Not disorganized schizophrenia, like they told me around 1986, or a paranoid schizophrenic who wears deadly gloves, like they told me in 1992. Problems of organization, being on time. And just the issues I've always faced of dealing this all alone, no aids or assistance or instructions with that. And no mobility aids or anything else I will now need that I have neuropathy, that all my doctors are lying about now. And whatever else they are keeping from me, as they contradict themselves and I can only go by what I know from 2011 or what I can gather myself. But anyways, I called to cancel. And she told me they still had a fifteen minute grace period. I was an hour late, so it was too late to go out there. And they are in Dearborn, unlike many of my doctors who are closer in Southfield. I told my doctors in the past that they could at least do away with things like a 15 minute grace period, if that is even true. (I have caught my doctors lying to me in the past about things like that.) And then she also told me something troubling. She said the policy in that office is that you can only cancel by phone like that three times. If the cancelation I did yesterday counts as one, I have only two more times that can happen. (I think she may have said maybe if I called just before the time of the appointment. But she wasn't clear.)

I can't have my doctors drop me now. They are really the only ones I have to go to. My mother originally carefully chose our doctors for us. And usually at the above doctor's office, I was just going to the doctor they recommended after they retired. I would have no one to go to if she dropped me for that reason. I guess I could look for one. But what more likely would happen is that I would be slowly searching for one for weeks or even months while my medicines were going unrefilled. Some of them heart medicines and things like that. I know my financial advisor says something similar. That if I criticize him again he will drop me. But he handles my money, fills my debit card with my weekly cash withdrawal. And like my doctor above, I'd have no one else to go to if he did that. My prescriptions would go unfilled if that doctor above did that, and I guess I'd run out of money if this happened. Bills would go unpaid, they'd shut my power off eventually. And Eric says he's done with me for complaining.

I'm not sure how to handle any of these things. People are telling me they are my responsibility, it's my fault and I have to solve these problems on my own. But I don't think any of that is true. And like I said, I am dealing with all of this as I become an old man now.