Where Things Stand.

And like I've said, all my adult life people in my life have been trying to a moral argument for work. I should work, why don't I work, why don't I do my fair share. And oftentimes the argument surrounded how I had life so good while others around me didn't. Almost like in a No Doubt video I once saw. Dr. Bazini used to tell me my life may have not been what I wanted. Maybe I didn't have time to have a social life or to enjoy the things I wanted to do. Just go shopping, I told him. Or go to a movie. But I should try life in a mental hospital like many people in Michigan at the time. Or like in his home country of Guatemala, was often his attitude. Or even now that topic comes up. People up till recently saying, I look healthy enough to them. So why don't I work? Or, the other argument. The average American works long hours for little pay, so why don't I? But when people were saying that I didn't know. Know I had Cerebral Palsy, and probably a couple of other things I'm told. All things that were never diagnosed as far as I know. And Cerebral Palsy causes mental fatigue, which could explain a lot of me. I always knew growing up I wasn't lazy, but it was hard for me to get things done. I always had problems of organization and planning too. And now that I am older adult, with no family or support system now and beginnings of mobility issues along with an uncertain future, because my doctors won't even tell me what is going on or wrong with me, these problems are beginning to get worse. And we don't say anymore of some groups why don't they work. We often say they are handicapped. Plus I really don't know what people have been telling me all my life. There is no moral obligation to work. You should do what society requires of you and society in turn should provide you with a reasonable comfortable existence. That would probably be the best way to look at it. I know in Charles Dickens time people thought that worker's salaries really belonged to their employers. If he didn't want to pay them a fair wage there was nothing they could do. Like with conversation at the dinner table at the Cratchit's house in that one scene. But now we know that's not true. With laws for minimum wage, limited work hours and benefits too. So I now know what people were telling me all my life was never true. I have a right to good quality of life, which is what I have now. A home to live in with my cat, a car to drive always, independence, and consent in all that is going on in my life. Medical consent and financial consent too. Although with things like that last one have always needed some help, and I always agreed with that. Plus rest and leisure is a fundamental human right, I learned in 1988. There should be no life that only work and nothing else.

I'm also confused by why the people who got me to where I am now at this point, damaged and with probably a medical future even my doctors can't predict, why they aren't responsible. Legally responsible to make sure I have all this. I know when doctor does something like that to you. Damage you thru medical malpractice or negligence, he is not allowed to say that. You'll somehow manage. So it's not clear to me why the police, my legal guardian, my doctors and all the others can say that. Of course my case doesn't even officially exist I am just imagining it, many people still tell me. Even though most of my doctors and others freely admit it does. And I don't know why nothing seems to be happening or is being done. My case doesn't exist and nothing is happening because it's all in my imagination. That's all very funny I'm sure, but for a while I just assumed people were working on things behind my back like they usually do. Now I don't know anymore. And like I said, my situation seems to be taking a turn for the worse. Eric abandoned me and my neuropathy, and other, symptoms seem to be getting worse, or at least changing. All while I have deal with this all as I enter my old age now.