Where Things Stand.

And I really can't believe all the people who took part in all of this. This horrible harm that was done to me, and kept hidden from me, for years. My therapist said that by pursuing this matter I could get a lot of people in a lot of trouble. Like I told Wayne County Probate Court in one of my last faxes, I certainly hope so. Because I didn't know people in law were against that, getting people who harmed others in trouble. And as I said, it's frightening that people would harm others like this and that they would be capable of that. I think the public has the right to know that. and know that this is going on at all. One former classmate recently suggested to me that maybe I am just imaging all of this. No, I am not imaging any of this. It all happened. It may have just not happened the way I thought or for the reasons I thought. Like I said, my 2011 therapist Dr. Dehorn started filling me in on what was going on in my life then. It was after my father died and I thought more information would follow, and more openness and honesty with me too. It didn't. But he told me I was diagnosed as having some problem at age seven when I saw that lady doctor, around 1975. Even though I didn't see a psychiatrist or therapist again until 1984 in HS. He told me, no, that nothing out of the ordinary happened January 13, 1984. But I don't know. A lot of the weird songs that came out starting then did come out that way. It's just a strange coincidence. Maybe it has no explanation and never will.

I know my doctors are lying to me. When you contradict others, when you contradict yourself and say you never said that, you are obviously lying. But I have to work with my doctors, I have no choice. I have some pretty serious medical problems and they are all I have. But like I said I can't believe all the people who took part in all of this, especially in the medical field. Medical staff are never supposed to harm someone, they are never supposed to take part in the abuse of someone, especially their patient. It's an ancient idea I recently read. It is found in things like the Red Cross treaties starting in the 1860s. And medical staff have harmed me. They have lied me, they have kept important information from me, and they are continuing to lie to me now. Supposed I need a guardian, a secret one I was warned a couple years by my doctors, and am unable to make those decisions. But anyone reading this can obviously tell I am able to make my own decisions. And that arrangement was used to harm me, not help me. It has to end, but I'll never know when it's over. That would make anyone's life a living hell. And so many people have taken part in it and still do. And since they are medical staff, I really never know when what they say is true or not. I know my eye doctor said that my Type 2 Diabetes is gone. Who are you going to believe, your pharmacist or your doctor? She told me. I don't think that's possible. I read online recently that Type 2 Diabetes sometimes goes into remission, but it never really goes away. And my neurologist Dr. Kole is in the most denial. He claims I no longer have neuropathy. Everyone else in my life agrees I obviously do. And I know I obviously do, it seems to be getting worse recently even as I've said. (Also Dr. Kole seems disturbed by the song and other coincidences when I share them with him. Not scared of me because I am insane, scared of the coincidences like he thinks I may have uncovered something. It's true.) And then July 24 last year I went to Vascular Centers of America to see how far the neuropathy had advanced. I forget their exact words, but I shared it here. They said everything was fine. My doctors told me gravely after that that everything was not fine. The tests showed neuropathy and damage. (And the people at Vascular Centers of America seemed so nice. There were nice to me and helpful, and said their therapy could help me if I needed it. And they were getting takeout for their poor and elderly African American clients so they could eat. I was shocked when I learned that they were part of all of this in any way.) As I said, I don't know what they found July 24. I just know they found I still have neuropathy and nerve damage. And I know that things have been getting worse. In the past couple of years, and maybe even in the past couple of weeks. And on top of that my urologist let it slip that there might be something wrong with my kidneys, as I've said. I can't lose my feet or end up in a group home. If I lost my independence, if I ended up in a group home, if I was forcibly put there, I'd lost everything. I'd be neglected, I'd abused and in danger, I'd lose all quality of life. And I'd lose my ability to cry out for help I now know.

Why is this even possible in the United States? Why is it being done to me? I'm not a danger to myself or others and I've never done anything wrong. And why can't I have my medical consent restored to me, to end this all? And how will I even know when this is over? Eric and the court are still in total denial. If everything someone tells you is a lie, how would know when they are finally telling the truth? And now I am getting into my elderly years. I am getting too old for this, and that isn't funny despite what that lady at that new place says. I will have to be dealing with the issues related to that. Old age, all the damage they caused me, all the medical problems too. And now for the first time in my life I have been totally abandoned. I have no one, and I am left this way for the rest of my life with all I just said. Because people are telling me, it was all my fault. I shouldn't have complained.