Where Things Stand.

And to be blunt, I am already detecting many lies by the people in my life. I just don't see how I could live anywhere near the life I once did without Eric's money. (And frankly just without his help. Who will put in my furnace filter now? Who will take me to my colonoscopies? I have no friends or family now. In the truest sense, I have absolutely no one now to rely on in any way.) I just can't go into a group home. It's just not negotiable. I'd lose everything there. I'd be neglected and threatened. And I'd lose all contact with the outside world, which as I said I submit now as a complaint is no accident. I'd have no car there. And as I've explained many times before everything depends on my always having a car and driving. My independence, my medical consent, my safety and very life. And my financial consultant is not telling a very convincing lie when he says I can always have a used car. I don't know if they even sell used cars. But I think they are still pretty expensive. I was hoping as I said that Eric would replace my car someday with one with even better safety and accessibility features. And if I was kept alive in a group home the state of Michigan and others would not be doing their moral responsibility to me. Like in A Christmas Carol, just alive is not same as a decent quality of life. I'd think by the 21st century we'd know that. But I guess not. I guess I will curtail my spending as much as possible now. But as I said, there just was never enough money in the trust to begin with. And life is expensive. Car insurance alone in Detroit is unusually expensive they say. And as I explained having a car is not negotiable. And my friend across the street used to periodically do my lawn for a fee. The fee, especially for the whole Summer season, was very high when I heard it. And these are just the costs I know of. My life is collapsing around me and no one can help me and no one cares.

Plus taking me by force to a group home some day is what I am talking about when I say I have a very low status and very little worth in someone's eyes. Because that's the kind of thing you would do to an animal. Just capture and restrain it without its permission or without asking. I guess that would be the Detroit police and Wayne County Probate Court then who is behind that view of me, that I have no worth and little status. My therapist did say they were behind the car thing. And I already explained how that shows what I am talking about. And taking me away by force to Sinai-Grace hospital July 22nd does too. They didn't even bother to ask. Adult protective services did tell me they were concerned. But they said they were done with their investigation. The fact no one bothers to even ask me, the fact they think I need to be restrained like an animal without permission, the fact they think I have so few rights and so little value that everything must be kept a secret from me shows all of this. Shows how little I mean to them. I guess all these words would mean something if I had anyone in my life who cared about me. But like I said at this moment I have no one. I'm just another animal to be discarded in the closest convenient spot.