Things That Happened.

I wanted to go into more about my experiences. I agree people can't read others' minds. But that was clearly going on in Oakwood Hospital in 1988 and 9. And it was very intense, like it was in HS around that time. The age of Merde as I call it (from the name I gave the apparent personality in my brain that seemed to cause all my problems then). It was an ongoing thing, and like HS people were telling what I was thinking right on the spot. One time, towards the end in the summer of 1989, one of the patients, an older female with white or blonde hair, was in group therapy with me. By then most of the patients were part of the "conspiracy" it seemed. (Like I said, it all started July 6, 1988 in group therapy when they noticed I twitched when they used certain numbers. Then this woman, who was new and not there in 1987, was walking with us. And she looked at me twitching a little. And she said a contrived way, is that a thing with him? He twitches like that? Showing she was part of it. Another time the staff, apparently aware of the fact I knew most of the patients were in on it, showed a film on mental illness. During the film they showed someone receive electroconvulsive therapy, and one of the female patients pretended to show shock. Like she didn't like mentally ill people or thought it was funny. At the end of the film nurse Rita asked me if I was satisfied that the other patients were told the truth about mental illness to reduce the stigma. I wasn't sure exactly what she meant though, why she'd ask me that.) Anyways the blonde hair woman in group therapy with me. She, like the rest of the patients, were very angry at me. They didn't know me, so it seemed obvious at the time it was because I went into a long, insulting rant against the "conspiracy" in my house around May 1988. I thought they were bugging the house by then, and I didn't like it. So I thought that would be a fitting way to give them an earful, if they wanted to do that. She kept turning to me in group and pretending to try to talk to me, while obviously being obnoxious instead. I thought Merde must have had something to do with it. He hated me and always did the thing that made me most angry. And starting in summer 1986 I found I could relieve my anger and get verbal revenge against him by insulting and degrading him. By 1989 I was calling him a "worthless piece of S." And as I thought that, she seemed to know it somehow. She kept saying with pretend sympathy "But you ARE worth something! But you ARE worth something!" Like I said, I was totally quiet at that point. Another time a new man arrived. This was around early 89 I think, and we were having an outing at a park. He was a motor cycle gang type person, and he had one of those long, thin braid going down his back, tucked in his leather jacket. I thought he looked attractive, so I started thinking about him. Sexual thoughts in public with people I met were forbidden them. And then I could see how it bothered him. And he turned around and started sixing and twoing with anger right away. (As I've told people, there seemed to be a brief debriefing or indoctrination period for people who just arrived. They were nice, friendly, bubbly and kind to me at first. Then the next day, like they were told something bad about me, they were disgusted. And started the process of abusing me with those numbers.) I wondered right away how he got away with that. As an operative, he was supposed to play along and pretend he was going thru the debriefing and indoctrination process like anyone else.

Anyways, I have no idea how someone could appear to read your thoughts. But my therapist (who I think I am no longer seeing) seemed to agree something was and is going on. At that book store in Southfield, where the lady owner went out of her way to threaten me that I would go to prison to be abuse based on made-up charges. She was giving books for free outside her store, and I told her she should donate them to charity. But she kept insisting, with anger and cruelty, that prison is where they'd really like those books. I don't know that woman. I have been going there since 1989 or 90, but why would she say that. (It was a veiled threat though, because like I said irrational worry about being abused in prison left me around 2011.) My recent former therapist seems to say that really happened. He agrees with me it happened like that. And when I said, what if people in the parking lot heard that, he said they probably wouldn't. He also agrees that men for years have been pretending that they know I am looking at their legs in public. I told him that is dangerous in a violent place like metro Detroit. It could create situations where there were none before. And he got serious and frowned when I said that and said he agreed. He also laughed ironically when I told him people were saying for years I was a big, strong dangerous mental patient, when I am a weak, harmless, frail man with Cerebral Palsy who can barely lift 75 pounds. Like he knows something all about that and that means something. He also told me once, and this is a direct quote, that I could get a lot of people into a lot of trouble for revealing all of this. Like I keep telling people, after what they did to me for years, after what they got away with and with what they also did to others, I certainly hope so. And it has to be done soon because my situation is getting desperate. Probably a lot of people in my situation here is. Unlike me, they just don't know what's going on. It involves secrets and playacting by mental health workers, and clever ways of doing the mind reading act, like having information and using trigger words. My family seems to know something and like they always have. My neighbors too. I have no idea what that is all about yet.