More Weird Stuff.

Just to repeat, I think there are three levels to my life. At the bottom and local level, there's the mental health authorities and workers in my life. They sometimes work in concert together, share information with each other they tell me of and don't tell me of. It makes me confused and jump to the wrong conclusion. And then there is the national government of the US. I don't know when they came into my life. It seems like it might be from the start. I did have a theory for years starting in December 1989 my parents were secret agents for the government. I dropped that idea by 1996. But now I don't know sometimes. Some of the things they said were kind of weird sometimes. (But they'll always be my parents to me.) And on the subject of recently, around the time I first got online I sent an email, to the FBI I believe. Telling them I got a scan email. It was late at night, and almost immediately a man from the FBI called me on the phone. He seemed very helpful, but it just seemed odd he'd give my call such top and immediate priority. He said a couple of weird things. He also seemed to be showing maybe a little feigned concern the topic of email scans, IOW like he had another reason for calling. After that I just assumed my emails might be intercepted by the government. I often shared stuff in them that I wanted them to know if they were to intercept it. Kind of like in that song by REM. Also my former therapist started acting weird a couple of years ago, when this all was beginning. And like I told others, he seemed to know the content of my emails. Which was never explained. He's my therapist, I have no reason to believe he's in contact with the government. And he acts weird in other ways too like I've said. Anyways, and at the top I don't know who that is. Maybe an advanced alien. Maybe the unmoved mover. Maybe time travelers from earth's future. Maybe I'll never know. But they seem to leave clues and coincidences all over the place. Clues and coincidences I have been freely sharing for 20 years now. But as I've said, all three, including the last sometimes seem to pretend they are on the same page as the rest. It keeps me confused and makes me unsure who I am dealing with or what they could be doing.

I was also going to say I was thinking just recently. I seem to have misconceptions about my importance. Importance in my life, and sometimes in the world. I think it comes down to a couple of things. Sometimes my lack of information and missing social cues. Normal things like that that I think affect everyone. And sometimes it comes down to a more irrational thing. But I think that is normal too. Sometimes we just want to believe we are the most important person in the world. But I am beginning to see now that that was the mistake I sometimes made in the past. But it has got me to this point. Right now I think I am altering history with all of this. Maybe I am.