More Conclusions.

Like I said, mental abuse of me seems to have been planned and meant to serve some purpose. I don't know what. It was never necessary. And it was always way too excessive and almost led to my suicide from the many forms it took. Since many of them made me feel there was no hope for the future and the unbearable pain would never end. One clever one was the car one. People don't realize how horrible of a threat that was. Because it was meant to be a clever one. But the possibility of losing my car was devastating. My life would be destroyed if that happened. And the strange thing is that the abuse continued long after the threat was over. I guess any real threat of it ended around 2014 I now suspect. But the abuse continued. With people often bringing it up as a sick joke, at least. Or even in a way that made me feel it could still happen. Plus the actual threat of taking away my car was serious to some people. And they kept thinking about it and making me worry about it for over twenty years.

And then there was the ugly thing. I just accidentally fat-shamed Clarence "Jamie" Kivela in St. Scholastica grade school in my 6th grade, 1979-80. My alleged best friend Tommy Emerick retaliated by calling me ugly and taunting me with that the rest of recess, just devastating me. And then strangely almost everyone seemed to start doing it then. I don't know if it was to teach me some kind of lesson that fat-shaming is wrong. But I have been paying for it ever since. Other sad chapters of my life have come and gone. But not this one. I am still living with this one. It destroyed my life, it made me think I would never have a normal life, it made me think I was too ugly to beg. And it made me contemplate suicide several times for that reason. Was all of that really necessary? Was any of the abuse of me really necessary? Because like I said, it seems like it is still going on. Going on, spreading and even getting worse at this time.