Kicked off My Own Team

There are so many terms or phrases for being IN THE ZONE.
On the same page
In the groove
In synch
On target
On point
Sometimes I feel as if I am living in the selection phase of teammates for a game and I have forgotten what the game is that we are playing or why we are playing it or why I haven't been excused from playing it because: (a) running brings on asthma, (b) I hate to sweat, (c) I don't like sports, (d) I don't like spending time with these other people who are not so nice in real life... The list goes on.
Part of developing towards the goal of grownup is this notion of getting along well with others. Plays well with others is the report card topic. It was not my strong suit. The category is almost a perfect target for the introvert... Let's get him where he's weakest, most vulnerable, most frustrated, most unhappy. And if he whines or cries, let's call him a whining, crying baby!
Well, my life is very much my own these days. I'm in public service and the public doesn't have my phone number. If I want to turn someone off, all I have to say is either, "What is it that you want?" or "How can I service you?" Most folks want to blow off steam or make their manager look like a total idiot. Oh, and they want to do it so that there will be no retaliation. So, I tell them that we are not here to settle scores or to get even with people and that if they are asked to send their boss a notification or communicate with him/her/them/it in some manner or form, then the person needs to at least do something other than fume.
I don't much care for managers as a rule unless, of course, I'm the one who is doing the managing.
So why do I feel so off my game?
Last July I started my food logue. I have been knocking off the poundage. On 07/14/2021 (Bastille Day) I weighed in at 214.3 (97,2 kgs) and, on 01/12/2022 I am 182.3 (82,7 kgs). That is a loss of 32 (14,5 kgs) or 15% of my original weight. Well, now I am at a point where I am actually looking at the final goal of 165 (74,8 kgs) which means I need to drop 17.3 (7,8 kgs). It doesn't sound like a lot of weight. In fact, that isn't really the final goal. It is the initial goal at which point I will do a reassessment to determine if more weight needs to be dropped.
But I am having the hardest time of sticking to my plan. The new year is already in the second week. I have been avoiding chocolates that are still in boxes near the photocopier. I don't carry change or bills for the vending machines so I need not worry about salty or fatty chips. I have taken to treating myself to the occasional cup of grits which I now consider to be poison in a paper cup. They are over-salted and I have no idea what sort of shortening she uses, but it certainly isn't sweet butter...
I realize that my daily goal of 1200 KCals is somewhat unrealistic. I keep it at that so that I can see in bright red numbers just how much overage I have every day. It's getting worst and worse. The culprits (usual suspects) are eating out or poor choices for snacks. Something as simple as melted provolone on a slice of toast could/should be replaced by an apple or a pair. SHRUG.
Anyway, that's my rant for the morning. I have a lunch and learn at work so I'm bringing a THERMOS of hot black tea and will grab something at the canteen.