Keeping G*d in Captivity Has its Consequences

Those who know me, know that I like to define my terms. This way I can be sure I know what I had originally meant, should my brain turn into pudding at some point in the future.

G*d
noun

1. the Supreme Being, worshiped as the creator or ultimate source of the universe.
2. the Supreme Being according to a particular religion or conception:

captivity [ kap-tiv-i-tee ]
noun, plural cap·tiv·i·ties.

1. the state or period of being held, imprisoned, enslaved, or confined.

I am thinking that this is a pointless, ridiculous notion. A Supreme Being that is capable of creating as the ultimate source of the universe can certainly not be held captive by the mortal creatures that He/They/It/She has manifested. Or am I wrong?

Humans create things all the time that torture or imprison them. They breed animals that are wild and possibly life-threatening. They create robots that can cause damage. They even give birth to other human life that might one day go on a sociopathic spree of slaughter and mayhem.

Sometimes I think that G*d is constantly creating something somewhere; an alternate Universe, the remake of an era on Earth in some other galaxy, or that He is the guest of honor at some very humble Sabbath table at sunset. The tablecloth has been changed and the candelabra has been cleaned. Two white candles hold their place in the middle of the table. The house is all male and they rotate the responsibility of who will welcome the Sabbath Queen into this home on this day at sunset. Rotation is established rather than performed as a fixed duty since this prayer is usually relegated to the female of the house.

Baruch Atah, Adoshem Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav, v'zivanu l'hadlik ner shel Shabbat.

Blessed art Thou, oh L*rd our G*d, King of the Universe, who has sanctified us with commandments, and commanded us to light Shabbat candles.

What greater honor could there be than to be named in a candle-lighting ceremony? And imagine having a name that is so powerful that people create synonyms so that they need never say the mightiest name imaginable.

So your G*d is here at the table as your guest. The food is presented in courses. Everything is blessed based on how it comes to be. Fruit from the vine that has created wine, grain from the earth that has created bread, and meat of the earth, sea, or sky that has been prepared under strict ritual and law that have been prepared for the meal are portioned and offered.

But then, when everyone has had wine and food and possibly even a little snick-snack for dessert with a hot beverage, there is discussion. Discussion may be about the Truth, the Commentaries, the Laws. If there are young(er) children at the table, there might be songs that are vocalized or the Learned Ones might ask what these youngsters had learned during the week. "Share your vast knowledge with us!"

Not everyone at the table is from the same Tribe. Some lead lives and lifestyles that put them in contact with people who aren't Sabbath-keepers. Maybe they eat food that is prepared by people who have 'unclean' hands (i.e., hands that may have handled pork, or bottom feeders, or wine that has not been blessed). These people are sometimes asked to share and that runs a great risk for those who must endure by listening. What if--G*d forbid--these persons discuss current event issues that have nothing to do with the world of the Truth, of the Commentaries, or of the Law.

One such day had happened. A gay man who was born of the Tribe but was not raised in these strict tribal rituals had come to the Sabbath table with a straight female friend. She was also raised in a similarly non-sectarian household. She spoke. She asked if she could sing a song that was popular on the radio. Before anyone could respond--and without any covering on her head--she burst into Joan Osborne :

If G*d had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to His face?
If you were faced with Him in all His glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?
And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah
What if God was [sic] one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Tryin' to make His way home?

Jaws would surely drop. But remember, G*d is at the table. Technically, based on His ubiquity, He is there as well as elsewhere. And He would have known what was about to occur.

What would your G*d do in such an event? He certainly would not be held captive. Would He smite the chanteuse? Would He laugh? Are there consequences for referring to G*d as a slob?

Is there a point? If so, what is it?