Ginger Gray, Not Lily White (Revisited)

Dulcina G. Gray
October 12, 1947 - February 10, 2023

Life Legacy
Dulcina G. Gray entered peacefully into rest in Hayward, California on February 10, 2023. She was 75 years old.

Born October 12, 1947, Dulcina will be deeply missed.

Arrangements have been entrusted to Grissom’s Chapel & Mortuary.

I had been looking for her for years. Two months after her death I had even put ads on Craigslist asking if anyone had seen her. Maybe she was still doing social work in the Tenderloin. Or had found an old (or new) drinking buddy at Nickie's Pub on Haight Street.

The posting here is 'pleasant' and completely out of line. Dulcina will not be deeply missed. Dulcina had hidden in a city--a Bay Area--where it is easy to hide in plain sight. She was always 15 years out of fashion and complained about that nagging baby fat that she never seemed to be able to get rid of (her baby was in his mid-20s by then).

She was an angry woman. Poor, but knew how to stretch a dollar. She could add things to soups or cut up meat for stir fry. Sometimes she would use half a can of something and add it to vegetables that she would steam or stir fry. She was not much of a homemaker and never liked to clean or straighten up. But she was fire in the kitchen. And while most of her garments were second hand, she took pride in her ability to launder everything. Her younger brother hung a pulley line outside for her and she would give me lectures on how the San Francisco wind would snap the wrinkles out of everything
Her only begotten son had been put into foster care, removed, and sent back. His time with her was money from the government (child support) that she had as a supplement until she could no longer hold it together. She was tough and loud and no one really understood just how fragile she was.
A child of G*d.
She knew all the right things to say, but unconditional forgiveness was not her strong suit.
She falls into the category of people I will think about and wonder... if I had been there for her would her life have gone on longer? Would I have added anything meaningful?
When in reality I also think that she had more familiarity with the voices in her head than she did with the smile and kind words of a friend.