Falling off the wagon

fall off the wagon (third-person singular simple present falls off the wagon, present participle falling off the wagon, simple past fell off the wagon, past participle fallen off the wagon)

(idiomatic) To cease or fail at a regimen of self-improvement or reform; to lapse back into an old habit or addiction.
Synonym : relapse

This is one of the many features of the blog/journal on matters that are personal or heart-felt to me. While I'm sure the subject matters that I ponder and address are familiar to most, I find that my connections to topics bond meaning and resonance. The issue at hand relates to a component of my Gestalt; a psychology term meaning an organized whole that is perceived as more than the sum of its parts.

The theme in question is personal weight management and the mode by which this is accomplished is referred to as diet. Now, the word diet, has evolved into a pejorative term to some that carries images of starvation, deprivation, monotony, meager portions... You get the picture! My notion of diet, however, could be described from definitions one and two in my online dictionary:

food and drink considered in terms of its qualities, composition, and its effects on health; or

a particular selection of food, especially as designed or prescribed to improve a person's physical condition or to prevent or treat a disease.

In my case, truth be told, the diet spotlights calories as the main character. While the calorie count remains the primary focus when I make my meal choices, I also give consideration to the macro-nutrients such as salt, fat, protein, or carbohydrates. The dictionary includes a third definition as

a selection of food that emphasizes caloric restriction or otherwise limits the amount a person eats, usually intended to induce weight loss.

I would be misrepresenting the facts to ignore this exemplification of diet for the person who is engaged in kilogram reduction. So, what's up with the wagon ?

The weight loss journey began about two years ago. During the era of COVID when many Americans were quarantined in their homes, it was uncovered that weight gain became rampant. Folks were watching television and had access to food 24/7. In some cases, the preparation of food became a major activity of daily living. And the consumption of fried fats and heavy carbs flowed fast and free.

By contrast, during the era of COVID I maintained gainful employment and was exempt from the quarantine. In fact, I was mandated to work on site. My fondest memories of that time include drives down an empty freeway during a period formerly known as RUSH HOUR. The roads were so empty that one didn't even require the use of a turn signal!

During that period I developed a sense of body image. I was (depending on the chart you use as your gold standard) somewhere between 55 and 75 pounds overweight. My familiarity with Weight Watchers made me aware of various tools that could be used to work at diminishing the excess weight. The decision, however, was based on a determination of which program would be best suited for who I am and how I live. So, the two questions that I had asked were:

#1 - Do you want to eat as much as you want of a restricted diet, or

#2 - Do you want to eat anything/everything that you want, but in controlled/measured portions?

I chose option number two. A friend at work had introduced me to MyFitnessPal.com and it allowed me to pick a calorie count that seemed reasonable to me and it assisted me in recording and tabulating the calorie consumption. If I were feeling diligent, I would prepare the meals for the day (or at least theoretically plot them on the application and then adjust them as needed). This method would assure me in advance as to where problems might arise and allow me to tailor the meal with alternate choices.

Sounds perfect. And it has been. I am about 20 pounds from my low-end goal. But for the longest time, I have been trapped in a universe of maintenance. The pounds yo-yo in 2-3 pound increments. What errors am I making? Where have I failed? The lack of visible change makes me want to sabotage all the work that had been done over the past two years.

Fear not! This has not happened. I am going out of town for a week. It's a work-related training on a tropical island. Portions will not be measured. And while I have learned how to eat rice and beans for breakfast, I will not be travelling with measuring spoons, cups, or a kitchen scale. I will have to rely on my eyeball, prudence, and the brass ring on the merry-go-round as the prize for diligence and virtue.

Taking a vacation from a diet is not something that most folks understand. I'm actually looking forward to going back on the regimen when the vacation ends.