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Being Ugly Blows.




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#1 Cerode

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Posted October 10 2016 - 03:33 AM

Yes. I know confidence is a massive part of attracting someone, but you can't pin "confidence" on every single possible failed encounter out there. There is more than confidence sometimes. You know what I don't like, when someone with a perfect face tells me "Looks aren't everything =)" when they never even had to make effort to get hooked up with people.

 

But wait, Cerode! Didn't you know that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Well, sure. But that still doesn't mean you're fresh out of the woods. You can still be "universally" or "relatively" attractive to more people than others. I've been ugly for the first 25 years of my life. My face was a hot mess and it could never seem to "agree" on how to develop. I was called ugly constantly, and it sparked even the nicest girls to get pissy with me (no matter how confident I was) because they suddenly gain the mentality of "how dare you of all guys like me!" or they feel really down that they attracted someone they would never want to look at.

 

Middle school and high school were a night terror. I never had a chance. Why go for a D+ product when you can have the A+ product for the same price? Some people are inferior goods. A friend of mine posted a picture of me and himself sitting next to each other on MySpace, and a girl commented "Oh wow, you're way hotter than dickface! You need hotter friends!"

 

I was destined to be hideous and be on the outside looking in, watching others be constantly complimented on how hot they were while I was the invisible nobody. The worst part is, these people are so happy that they look good they don't ever think about how ugly people feel. They also don't seem to know that being good-looking is a dice roll. I don't get to have a horrid face, but then decide my face will be a perfect 10 by tomorrow. No, it sticks with you.

 

I had to not stand by people because they made me look worse by forced comparison. Being the ugly-guy-of-the-group isn't fun. Especially when all you're friends are better looking than you. "But Cerode, you're just going for the wrong girls!" Some of them sure, but like I said, even girls who had angelic personalities would develop a hate for me because god forbid I get to like someone above my league. This seems to be a bigger problem in the U.S. as everyone is just more likely to be shallow. Chances, a woman doesn't want to look at a guy with a hot mess face every day when she can get something better. Hell, I've yet to have a crush like me back in any way.

 

The way I was treated led to my first suicide attempt at 17 (which failed because I was caught in the act), and I was put in a psych hospital with other kids that had the same shallowness making me want to die even more. All the time everyone around me gets treated like a handsome prince while I'm just some guy who happens to exist. If someone told me "Nobody will want you" early on in life, I wouldn't have ever tried to focused on other things in life.



#2 unfocusedanakin

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Posted October 11 2016 - 08:50 PM

My opinion is that you are putting off a certain vibe that is not appealing to a girl. You are not fun to be around. You want her to stoke your ego and tell you are not ugly but you need to do that for yourself and she will follow. Girls don't like whinny "nice guys" that is only in movies. If you bitch and moan and expect someone to notice you they will not. You sound like you are always angry and resentful of the people around you. Women notice that more than you think.

 

This may sound harsh I don't want to put you down but consider going back to that confidence you said you had before.  Otherwise I don't know there is plastic surgery. Is several thousand dollars worth it to you to end these feelings? Or get very wealthy then you can have any beautiful gold digger you want.

 

Also find better friends and dates if the dick face stuff really goes on. Have enough respect for yourself to not put up with that. There is a women out there for you.

 


Edited by unfocusedanakin, October 11 2016 - 08:57 PM.


#3 Asmo

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Posted October 12 2016 - 03:50 AM

It is true that the realisation that its about having confidence and stuff just as much as 'not being simply plain ugly' doesn't get you confidence just like that. Same with other good and wellment advice (like how to talk to the opposite sex). But it really is the key for physically unattractive people to give off a nice and attractive vibe. Just be aware what you want. Do you want to be perceived not ugly by a majority of the population/other sex? Or do you want to find love and acceptance from one partner? Sometimes it seems a mix of both and people let it ruin their chance on a lovelife, which may be a tad smaller than someone who has it real easy in the looks department but is definitely not absent. I see it around me on a regular basis: people do not need to be that physically attractive to get a good hook up. 


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#4 Yggdrazil

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Posted October 12 2016 - 04:21 AM

 people do not need to be that physically attractive to get a good hook up. 

 

But it certainly helps! ( http://www.tindersed...der-case-study/ )

 

 

The art of the game(no, I don't mean dating/relationships) is knowing how to play the cards you are given. The ol' "If life gives you lemons" saying. You are still very young, so you have enough time to find yourself. Get a job if you don't already, it can show you what you like/dislike. Knowing what you loath will at least tell you what to avoid as a career/passion.

 

 

Especially when all you're friends are better looking than you. "But Cerode, you're just going for the wrong girls!" Some of them sure, but like I said, even girls who had angelic personalities would develop a hate for me because god forbid I get to like someone above my league. This seems to be a bigger problem in the U.S. as everyone is just more likely to be shallow.

 

Yeah, people are shallow. If an ugly dude uses a pickup-line on a girl then he's deemed "creepy", but if a hot dude uses the same exact line he's "dreamy". :D

 

You are not the first or the last to experience this, that's just how the cookie crumbles. My advice is don't think about your weaknesses, don't let them pull you down and focus on your strengths. Shoot forward and don't look back.


Edited by Yggdrazil, October 12 2016 - 04:23 AM.


#5 Asmo

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Posted October 12 2016 - 04:29 AM

Obviously it helps not being (perceived as) ugly. But yes, to let the fact that other people have it easier there ruin your chance on a lovelife (because hey I'm ugly and most girls don't like that, on top of it I feel bad because I don't wanna be ugly and I don't see how I can fix that) is optional. It is up to yourself. But I agree, things like this are often easier said than done.


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#6 Yggdrazil

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Posted October 12 2016 - 04:49 AM

Also a lot, not all, of this "it's not about your looks it's about your personality/swag" is bullshit. It's just something people tell themselves so they won't feel guilty about rejecting people simply based off looks.

 

Another thing is a lot of this so called "personality" that attractive people give off is often just our own minds projecting positive characteristics onto individuals, for the same reasons we remove merit from those less attractive, in an attempt to validate our shallowness. "Halo Effect"

 

https://en.wikipedia...iki/Halo_effect

 

http://www.dailymail...ndsome-men.html


Edited by Yggdrazil, October 12 2016 - 04:50 AM.

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#7 Asmo

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Posted October 12 2016 - 04:57 AM

It is simply a fact that shallow reasons also matter. We don't have to beat around the bush here.

 

But people's emphasis on what they want is very different. It is foolish to hang on to what women in general think if what you would want most is one single woman to love you. Not sure that is actually what OP wants though. He has focussed more on the issue of being ugly in general. Not what his ugliness is preventing him from getting. Yes mutual attraction. But what does he want from it? Lots of pussy? From ugly women, or actually rather just hot women? So highschool was a nightmare (it is for more people, not just the ugly ones), but has he left the highschool mentality himself or is he still a victim of it?


Edited by Asmo, October 12 2016 - 04:59 AM.

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#8 Yggdrazil

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Posted October 12 2016 - 05:20 AM

I just think the OP has come to the realization of how the game/people work. Coming to terms with his reality. Perhaps he's still taking it all in, or maybe he just needs to vent.

 

 

It is foolish to hang on to what women in general think if what you would want most is one single woman to love you.

 

I don't think so, when the group which will actually accept you falls into a very small category it becomes a bigger priority for the individual to truly understand their situation, especially if that person hasn't been getting or has never had that emotional satisfaction. It can seem obsessive.

 

He also mentioned he has trouble fitting in with his circle, feeling like he's on the low tier among his peers. Not being able to match their social status. At the end of the day people just want to at least feel normal.



#9 Cerode

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Posted October 12 2016 - 02:03 PM

My opinion is that you are putting off a certain vibe that is not appealing to a girl. You are not fun to be around. You want her to stoke your ego and tell you are not ugly but you need to do that for yourself and she will follow. Girls don't like whinny "nice guys" that is only in movies. If you bitch and moan and expect someone to notice you they will not. You sound like you are always angry and resentful of the people around you. Women notice that more than you think.

I was always fairly confident around girls. In fact I was almost always very funny around them. I can live with the fact that some girls just aren't into you, but what I don't need are reminders of my inferior looks. I've had girls look at me, then look away giving a frustrated "uuugghhhh!" sound as if just looking at me made them angry. Not cool. I guess it also doesn't help that I was more of A/B nerd student who had extreme math and programming knowledge and not a football playing badass that girls mindlessly keep going for.



#10 aoabai

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Posted November 09 2016 - 08:09 AM

I know how you feel during the part in which you talk about how girls get offended that you are attracted to them. Guys so many times have gotten offended, or downright scared that I was attracted to them. And the sad part is most of the time I never even was attracted to them. They just thought I was because people would make fun of us when we interacted with each other. Teasing that I like him and asking him if I'm his new girlfriend. Once a guy was just sitting next to me and someone starting teasing like that. Also, guys think I like them just because we're interacting a bit, like we hang or talk. I guess they have watched way too many movies in which someone becomes infatuated with someone else just because they interacted for a bit of time. To be honest, sometimes just for the hell of it I acted like that. Just to be a bitch, because the guy was being a piece of shit. I know, I know. Don't tell me. I already know. I try my best to be respectful and understanding, but people... man. They freak out just because of the way I look. So, I freak out as a response sometimes because there is only so much patience I have. And I have to deal with this crap pretty much every time I go out and/or interact with people.

There is also a whole bunch of other two faced, passive aggressive behavior that people, not just men... give me because of my looks. Looks are important, apparently. Lol! A lot of people simply treat someone differently... badly... base on how that person look. I even think a lot of people don't realize what they're doing. It's like crossing the street when there is a black man walking behind you. A lot of people will say that they just wanted to cross the street, but subconsciously it's because of the black man.

Only people who are really ugly (becasuse everyone pretty much thinks they're ugly), have medical conditions that make them look different, and are physically deformed understand. To other people, this just sounds like negativity and downright crazy talk. Because people don't think they're shallow and they don't think looks are important. They just believe that they're deep. And to an extend personality and all that all stuff does matter, but it's not as important as looks. Looks starts it all.

Yea, looks are important and people are shallow, but there is nothing wrong with that. That's just how life is. Some people are fortunate enough to be good looking and the more good looking they are the better off they are. It's a blessing. While others are ugly looking and life isn't as great for them. If you're the latter you just have to make due. Either be alone or settle for whatever you find. I'm pretty deperate these days so I pretty much pretend to like anyone that gives me the slightest attention, just to see if anything sticks. Yea, I'm not attracted to them and I'm sure they're not attracted to me, but beggars can't be choosers. Honestly, It's hard for me to have feelings for someone. I think it's because I've been pre-rejected so many times, as in rejected even though I had no feelings for the guy. That now I'm kind of slow to warm up. I really haven't felt that click, you know? That click you get with someone. I havent felt it in a long time. To be honest, if I did feel that click... I probably would run away and not get with them, lol.

Basically, you just gotta deal. That's all you can do. Because this is life.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully, you're just one of those people that thinks they're ugly, but really are not ugly or that ugly. Of course, I think everyone is beautiful. But, I'm using ugliness by societal standards, not my own. Hopefully, you will find someone. And not have to settle or be alone.

Edited by aoabai, November 09 2016 - 08:15 AM.