you can never really know someone

You can never really know someone. I find that the majority of people live 3 lives: their public life, their private life, and their secret life.

Perfect example: I just found out that this person who has been a family friend for years got arrested a few days ago for child porn charges. this guy led a "normal" life and was a respected socialite with a beautiful wife and 3+ kids

have you ever experienced something like this...where you thought you knew someone well and then you found out something about them that you just couldnt believe they were into or would do?

 

i totally agree with you. no matter how many people disagree, you do not completely know someone unless a tricky situation comes up

it happened with a couple of my exes...one was the most reliable guy you thought but he completely abandoned me through a bad bad time, gave me no support, just was gone.

 

I make every effort to reveal the complete me but only to those that I trust. It's hard to reveal to real you to people that will judge you or use what they know as a leverage to bring you down.

I have no secret life. I am a pretty laid back, what you see is what you get kind of guy. I'm like the theist version of Big's from Sex in the City.

Sorry to hear, Stacy. If you ever lost trust, I hope that one day that you can regain that trust. Don't let one person ruin a very real possibility.

Someone in the family does lead secret lives and this person usually feels very embarrassed in revealing any of it. This person leads a pretty mixed up life and I worry for this person sometimes.


Maybe if we did not demonize people's inner demons and were open to them, then these people would not feel so inclined in hiding.

 

i think you can truly know somebody. you just can't assume that you do, because you can't know everybody and you can't tell who you don't REALLY know...

 

Unless you are very close to that person. Sometimes you DO know.

 

personally, i am finding that the older i get the more i am starting to see just how extremely fucked up people can be
it's kinda scary sometimes
especially when it's someone you are close to

 

Why do you feel that way? Has there been anyone in your life that has remained consistent and generally decent?

 

even if you ARE very close to someone, you may not know everything about them. but just because there are people who would surprise you, that doesn't mean some people aren't still knowable. in fact, i'd argue it doesn't even matter how close you are. some people you couldn't guess about, but you'd consider them a best friend. some people you may not be very close to, but you can know who they truly are.

 

you guys must know some pretty fucked up people

 

i'm not saying that EVERYONE is fucked up
i've just seen some crazy stuff the past few years and from people i would have believed completely incapable of anything so bizarre

 

as i'm sure you do, as well. how well you know them, or how close you are, may be totally beyond what you realize.


people are fucked up, sometimes

 

I guess I'm a pretty odd person...

 

of course, i'm the biggest hypocrite and liar here

 

fair enough, but i would have had other people close to the top of the list of guesses. of course, much of what i take for that may simply be hyperbole, sarcasm, self-entertainment....

 

I guess it really comes down to what people choose not to do even if they are capable of it.

In the end, we are all capable of horrible things but what separates the decent from the non-decent is that the decent resist or keep down a certain side of themselves... a kind of triumph over it.

But sometimes even the ones we think we know can still surprise us, but that maybe the surprise won't be so surprising if we know the person well enough.

some people you may not be very close to, but you can know who they truly are.

I am unsure about this. We could be projecting something onto these people. We may not really know these people but we think that we do. But I get your point, you can meet a guy that is out hanging out in a bar flirting with women and sleeping with all of them while at the same time you KNOW this guy has a wife back at home that you KNOW loves him.

 

I don't think it's productive to assume everyone has a dark secret side just because you run into a few bad people.

And I'm sure as hell not naive.

 

yeah, exactly. when i say that you know someone, i mean your impression of them is accurate, and that how you interpret them is accurate, because they have no real secrets.

you never know which person it is. not really. you can be surprised by people you've known for a few decades. trust me, i know that much at least - you can't know which people you truly know. but you can truly know them.

i suppose to many that may sound silly. i'm just saying that not EVERYBODY has these secret aspects, and of those that do they aren't always some dark, sinister thing. some people, even if they aren't close relations or close friends.......you might know the REAL them because they have no issue putting it all out on the table.