Women, how do you handle this?

Basically I'm having an issue with my wife that is more commonly an issue women have to deal with in their men. She cums about 2 or 3 minutes into having sex, then she doesn't want to keep going or do anything to help me get satisfied. I'm not asking for a marathon here, about 10 minutes would be enough, I might even be able to manage with 5. She doesn't offer to do anything to take care of me, and if I ask, even if it's just for a hand job she gets annoyed pretty quickly. She doesn't mind if I jack off, but that's really pretty lame when it's how you have to finish every time. I don't know that there is a solution, but I feel like at least complaining about it. I'm worried it will start to make me bitter at her, I feel like she's being selfish and besides not doing much to help me out she won't even let me talk about it. She just gets pissed that I'm "complaining" and says stuff like "If you're always negative after sex I'm just going to want to do it less!" which is really just a veiled threat. The amount of sex isn't really the problem, she lets me do her almost whenever I want, a few times a day if I like, which i suppose isn't surprising since she always comes very strongly and very quickly. She just won't let me do it again right away, so I can't finish. She claims the reason is because she's sore for a while, which i guess she could be but it only lasts for a few minutes and she's very wet so I don't see how she gets that sore that she cant let me keep going for a few more minutes. It's really disappointing because we have everything else for great sex, she's extremely sexy, we're happy together and very in love. Basically we'll just be getting started and feeling really good and then she cums and then stops responding much, then soon says it's starting to hurt and she wants me to stop, literally about 2 or 3 minutes after we started. I'm at a loss for what to do.

 

More foreplay.

You could get yourself off during the foreplay if you can cum multiple times near each other. Personally, when I'm with another person, I only can sometimes.

But also, you really should try to get her to compromise and say that you've been finishing yourself all your single life, you'd appreciate if she would help you out.

And finally -- have you guys tried anal?

 

Is that what she tells you?

 

I don't need your cynical BS. But to respond to Duck. I've been trying more foreplay, she usually isn't that into it, which again may be because she orgasms so easily it probably doesn't seem necessary to her. Neither of us are really that into anal, we do it sometimes when the mood strikes, but I don't think we would want to often enough for it to be a regular way of getting off together. I don't mean to make it sound like it's like this all the time, sometimes she does just give me a blowjob or something, and that's great. Especially when she gives me one as foreplay then we start vaginal sex when I'm pretty close already. By doing that we can often come really strongly at the same time. But that's just sometimes, like a few times a month if I'm lucky. I don't see convincing her to give me head before every time we have sex. I've also been trying doing things different but whether I go fast or slow or whatever it seems that she's just naturally pretty quick to get off. I'd suggest that she reads one of those books that teaches you how to make an orgasm build up for longer, so it takes longer but it's actually more enjoyable. But when I talk about that she doesn't seem to think it's worth it. It might be an energy issue, shes very fit and active, but after she comes she basically wants to nap for an hour. She's willing to communicate openly about all aspects of our relationship but with sex she seems to just think I'm whining for more blowjobs, and she won't discuss it for long. "It's already good" is her figuring.

 

dude, without knowing you two personaly, none of us here could know the whole story.

i will tell my experence with this kind of thing though, i have seen one hell of a lot of it though.

first of you must face the fact that your living in denial.
you are not in love with her. your co-dependent.

from the account you have given above about her, she sounds extremely immature and narcisstic; in other words she has the mentality of a small spoiled child.
she is power playing you. she sees you as being a fool that she can play to her own ends.

this woman will in the end do, you in.
you married a vampier and she will drain you dry!


i'm not full of shit on this matter.
your wife sounds to the letter like my my "mother." i grew up in the same type of shit your in now.
my "mother" did drive my brother, father and, sister to their graves.
she almost killed me too!

don't take this lightly!
she will put you in your grave.
i say this in the most serious manner... start taking steps toward divorce now!

dude, this is dead serious and, i say not one part of this lightly at all!

i'm sorry but your marrage cannot be saved.
:sad:
she is a sociopath and, sociopaths will not change.

i'm sorry to be the one to tell you this terrible news.

i wish you the very best and, i'm praying that you will save yourself.
good luck to you mate.

 

sounds like either she's faking it because she has no interest in having sex with you, or she has some sort of condition and doesn't give a fuck how it affects anyone but her.

 

i hope it wasn't exactly the same type of shit... :ack2:

 

I'd say this ^^^ and this are bang on vvv

To be honest it sounds like she's only using you for a penis. It does not at all sound like the sexual relationship of two people who are in love with one another. Women like that do not change, in my experience, so aside from perhaps splitting up, I wouldn't know what to say.

 

OH, HELL NO!

my "mother" ripped off my brother and dad's balls and, she ripped out my sisters ovaries... she almost got my balls too.

listen underwear dude, even the the thought of sex with my "mother" make me wan to puke and shit my guts out!
uke:

now my sister, that was a whole different story...
she was one super hot fox!
:drool5:

 

Don't think I haven't considered that maybe she's just selfish. But you don't turn against your partner of 6 years just because they're not satisfying you sometimes. But you are partially right, she can be a very stubborn woman. You go a bit too far in assuming that I'm a total puppet here based on the fact that she is sexually selfish. Anyway, I don't really need people telling me to overreact, she's already starting to piss me off with this and with her refusal to listen to my side of it.

 

You need to talk to her about it, and be aggressive that you need to. I think it's going too far when forumers are diagnosing her, but if it's pissing you off and it's stressing your relationship, than talk to her!

You say that 'she doesn't want to talk about.' Make her. If not, than I would have to agree with blackcat666 in that you're dependent on her. Being married to someone who isn't giving you what you want but yet you still choose to live with them at the cost of your happiness is unhealthy. You need to either: redefine what makes you happy to suit her, get her to listen to you and about what you want, or leave her. Otherwise, you're going to end up more miserable and you're right: you're going to hate her for it.

 

I can understand why she would say she's sore. Usually with vaginal orgasms (even with clitoral orgasms), afterwards your sensitive and the constants in and out motion can start to hurt her. But this feeling should go away within like 15 minutes. Try asking for a blow job or a titty fuck, something that she can contribute to your pleasure. If she refuses to, then just don't have sex with her. If she gets annoyed, explain to her that sex should be pleasure to the both of you, not just her. And if all else fails, maybe you should seriously consider this relationship with her. I know I have no say in what goes on with your marriage but if someone is going to be that insensitive, then you should pursue something better. There is probably someone who would love to see you have just as much fun as she is having. Good luck.

 

Some good responses posted already so I don't have much to add except that I also think it is important to have a heart to heart with her if you haven't already. If she's not responsive then it may be time for something a little more drastic to get the point across. I mean, I don't know you or her and don't want to put her down but in all honesty she's being very selfish and/or lazy. Sex is a two way street, it's not all about getting your own rocks off and never having to do any of the work or even sometimes doing something you're not particularly thrilled about to please your partner.

Being a woman in a long term relationship, I think of what would get the point across for me and that would be to stop paying her as much attention and making sure she gets off every time... let her see how it feels to get so close and then not finish and feel neglected. Sleep on the sofa for a week... all this only if after you speak with her and she doesn't show interest in improving. I know you love her but you have to look out for yourself and make sure you're getting what you want as well.

All that being said, she could possibly be having some underlying issues that she's not even aware of and using the "I'm too sore" as an inadvertant cop out. The fact that she is short with you when you ask her to blow you or jack you off sounds like she might be having some confidence issues or something. Ask her what's really bugging her...

 

i did see a thing on MTV true life, that these woman were having serious serious pains during intercourse, some needed counseling and a breathing exercise and one girl had to be turned on in a certain way, the dr had to show the guy what to do, it was kinda wild, but i felt bad for the women in it, and another girl needed to be stretched out with various size dildo lookin things. All of these women did keep this condition a pretty big secret from friends and family, and even their boyfriends, some stuck around till they were able to have "comfortable" sex, others bolted when they found out there werent going to have sex........dunno, just a thought!! Goodluck, if you both believe in marriage as all it stands for if you cant talk to her about it, then i would believe your not really married.....married people should be able to talk about anything, not necessarily agree, but at least covey each others thoughts and concerns....again goodluck.

 

x2

It interests me when someone pulls out the L-word exactly when they are complaining about their partners.
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If she cares so little about what you do with your penis, tell her you'd like to finish off with another woman or a prostitute. That's certainly what I would do. :coffee:

 

I would talk to her about it, as in not fighting, but sitting her down and discussing it. Ask her to simply hear you out and explain your feelings about the situation. Make it clear that you are not just whining about sex, but that you feel cheated out of what could be a great part of the relationship, especially since she seems to be more then satisfied. If it effecting the relationship that much, maybe even suggest a sex therapist or something just to show her you are serious about it and not just looking for an extra blowjob.

I also like the idea of sleeping on the couch for a week after talking to her. If you talk with her calmly, explain yourself, and show how you are not trying to be selfish, but that your needs matter as well as hers. If she responds angrily or in the same manner as she has before with little or no change, then still calmly, tell her that until she wants to talk about it more and make an effort into the sexual aspect of your relationship that you will be sleeping on the couch and unwilling to do what she likes.

I can also see that backfiring though, as in while your on the couch she discovers how a battery operated boyfriend can get off and never demands anything in return

 

I wouldn't try holding out on her. You've been with this woman for 6 years and she knows EXACTLY what she can get away with and what she can't.

There is a little give and take to any relationship in the initial stages in which each person learns what the other one's pet peeves are, what things they care greatly and are picky about, and which things they don't care either way really and so you have free reign on.

Having known you for 6 years it's very likely you are sort of a pushover from all the things you wrote. Maybe not in all parts of life/relationship but definitely in the bedroom.

You're going to have to have a conversation that's different from the ones you normally have - where you use key words like "i'm not happy with this" and etc...

Ultimately remember we all have base instincts, things that we do subconsciously in a relationship. Women want to dominate their man mentally, and men want to dominate their woman physically. By her getting off and then just stopping sex without you cumming she is dominating you.

 

Have you discussed this with a doctor? I have never had this problem with women. Most usually if I can get them off the way they like it they will move entire fucking mountain ranges to see that I get off. :love:

Hmmm.

Could be that she's selfish, or it could be that you are missing something. Why don't you two go see a doctor about this? An MD as it could be a medical issue.

Hmmm. Damn. I dunno what to say.

Then STFU and don't post about your issues here. Listen, when you post in a place like this, you're gonna get flack from others. Period. No maybes, no ifs, and no could bees. You WILL. It happens. So get over it. You posted here for insight, and you'll get it. Just might not be exactly what you wanted or expected.

Yeah, might be this and it might be that. Go see a doctor about it. Take her with you. You didn't marry her just to get some poontang homeboy, you married her because you love her. Well, show her that you love her and get her to a doctor PD fucking Q.

 

You STFU, I know I'll get "flack" from others, so I'll give it back. What kind of logic is that? If it's ok for them to talk shit it's ok for me to.

 

look, you posted in a publicly-accessible forum your private issue and traversed. So expect to be hammered by some people, it is going to happen. There's a lot of zombies out there... the public is a warzone.

Anyway, interesting thread. I don't have any specific advice with his particular situation, only the observation that he is bringing it up, which means finally, at last, he is dealing with the situation and questioning himself, which is the path of growth.