Why do parents never understand us teenagers?!

I dont know mabye some of you mothers or fathers can help me out here.... My parents never or hardly understand me , they are stricked and take life to seriously , for example i got a 52 on one math test and now im grounded for the WHOLE march break , not allowed to go with my friends or allowed to be on the computer , im sneaking on now lol... but i dont understand anymore , they are so stricked they take it so seriously... i feel like im on a different planet my parents take life so seriously while im so relaxed , they ground me alkot yet i hardly learn anything please , anyone have any advice how i can get my parents to stop grounding my over stupid marks at school...

They ground me and i learn nothing and they never want to talk to me about it they just scream at me ... they never want to hear my side of the story or when they do they dont listen to me , they just sit there and the second im done talking they just continue to scream at me... dont get me wrong i love them but i hate there parenting ethics... I hate the way they think grounding is the key to all my problems... LIKE WTF??!?!

They dont understand that by grounding me i think that im learning for them not for my self..

any advice please??!?!!

 

i think parents ground kids when they don't know what else to do. I'm guilty of it myself, though my kids are all under 5, so "grounding" is really a time-out. But i give time-outs for everything: hitting, breaking things, throwing things at people, tantrums...you make a good point though, the time outs, or grounding as it is for you, are really just outlets for the parents. i guess we all just need to communicate more (how's that for cliche!), and be more creative as parents--discipline of any kind is pretty much lost when it's the same for the big and the small stuff.

Hey! Maybe i couldn't tell you anything useful, but your question DID help ME, lol. I'm sure you're just thrilled about that, hehe. But back to your question...i bet they grounded you, because they don't know how to actually help you get better grades. Maybe you could suggest a self-imposed "punishement" like tell them you'll set aside so-many-hours a day, JUST for studying, or you'll get a tutor if you really are having problems, or something like that. That would have the added benefit of your parents also seeing you take responsibility--plus, it might actually help you do better in the future.

 

Bloody ell that bring me back to the good old days of being grounded lol - first i bet your mum and dad think they are doing whats right for you. They are trying their best but I remember the hormones (which you will proberly think i havent got any lol), the fact thats no-one listens when in fact they do,

I have never understood why parents ground their kids, they moan because we dont get enough exercise and then lock us in our room and we dont get any. Its never ever made sense to me, just give your parents time and talk to them - i bet they understand alot more than you think xxx good luck

 

lol well at least im helping other kids be free Remember keep the punishment alway..as the song goes , let your kids run wild and free haha.


the problem is all my friends do exactly what i do or worse and there parents are understanding and just talk to them express emotions and they find an answer and both are happy with the result ... I never ever had that chance with my parents. Personally i hate going to school becasue if i get a bad mark im just grounded again from my friends or the computer or the tv.. which sucks becasue all those stuff are mostly my life , My parents where the reason me and my gf broke up becasue i was grounded 99% of the time we where going out and never met. It sucks becasue slowly they are killing my life , and everything with it. They dont ground me alot, ussally during week days which isnt bad lol becasue i go to school and have fun there but now im grounded for 1 week = my march break , and im tottallly bored i feel useless i just lie around all day and wait for my older brother to come home so i can talk to him.

Which hes starting to get annoyed of me fast.

so im just lost again... i dont know im going to try to attempt to talk to my parents around it again today after dinner ... but i hope it goes well... any more ideas from your mothers pelase any little big helps ...

What would you want ur children to say for you to forgive them for a bad math test lol?

the thing is that they never talk to me they just yell and scream about it ... and when i give them a good reason for ungrounding me they say NO UR GROUNDED i say why they say BECAUSE .. They arnt bad parents but , when they are in a bad mood they never want to talk to them so iguess ill give them time to cool down and ill talk to them?

 

Maybe if you got better grades they would stop grounding you. Sorry to be so harsh but it's probably the truth. I spend 3 quarters of my freshman year grounded because of my grades and I never got any better in school simply because I was stubborn and I wanted to proove them wrong, THAT was stupid. You're parents want the best for you. They probably ground you from your frinds and the computer because they/it is not helping your grades improve. I can tell you if my 15 year old ever had a signature pic like yours s/he wouldn't be spending much time on the computer (I know, I know, freedom of expression, bla, bla, bla, but I would be encouraging my child to use respectful freedom of expression, encouraging them to say the same thing in a different manner by using their imagination).

About them not listening to you, that's too bad You should bring that up with them. If they won't listen, then write them a letter and leave it on the kitchen table after you go to bed for the night. Communication is so so so important in a parent/child relationship. BUT remmeber, if they start listening to you and taking your feelings into consideration, you still may not get your way.

Good luck

 

Lol hey what can i say .. im not disagreeing with you .. Im just a rebelious teenager lol

The thing about me is that im a rebell without a cause i guess lol i love to rebell yet i have no reason too. I hate some of the lame laws we have in our school , and im tired personally of all the stupid little laws that catch kids , yet the massive criminals run wild and free... thats what i hate about our modern day life.

Like laws like that weed is illegal yet murder is illegal too but !! most of the murders get out of jail ( in canada ) in 25 years... and after that live a normal life..

mabye i just talking gibberish

 

It's not a matter of "forgivness". They want you to do better in life. Someday soon you will be in complete and utter control of your life and to see you fail at life would possibly make them feel as though they failed as parents.

And although you feel they are runing your life, they really are just trying to protect one of their most precious creations...you

If you wern't grounded right now, what would you be doing...honestly?

 

Be sitting on the computer or , i might be out with my friends at a movie or prob even snowboarding...


thats the honest truth!
Its not me being mad at grounding its just that they are making me feel , as if im not in controlle of my own life , When i do bad I Want to fee bad , NOT THEM! and by them grounding me i personally learn nothing i just get mad at them while if they whert i would realize , Darn im learning for my self... maby i should be learning and acttually studying for my self not for my parents to not get grounded.

the point that rages me the most is when i talk to my parents about my own life they laugh and never give me any say in my own life , which no offence makes me feel like i should be rebelling even more.

 

Pmeth. I am guessing your parents want what is best for you. What do YOU think would be a good reprimand when you are not working up to your potential? ARE you working up to your potential? Is the work too hard? In that case, you need extra help, not grounding, on the other hand, if you ARE able to do the work and are just messing around (like I did at your age) then your parents are at a loss to prevent you from getting into trouble and not learning.

If you have a learning problem, you need to get help. If it is a motivation problem, you need different type of help.

Sit down with your mom and dad, talk to them about WHY you think you aren't doing well. (PLEASE don't tell them "The teacher doesn't like me." Every kid tried this, and unless the treatment of the teacher is really unfair, it rarely the reason you are failing tests, and ALL parents tried it themselves, and don't beleive it.) I have teens, and I have a son your age, so I know this stuff. TALK to them, without drama, and be honest.

Good luck.

 

Nice sig pic

I completely understand where you are coming from. I've beed there myself, just 15 years ago LOL. It's easy for me to say, just wait and see, you'll understand in a few years. But it's hard for you to actually wait and see. Maybe include them in your life more? See if they want to go to the movies with you, invite your friends to hang out at your house more. The more they feel "involved" in your life, the more control you may find you have over your life.

Another thing with parents, is sometimes you just need to humor them. They want you to get good grades, so who the hell cares, just get good grades, you'll have more freedom, they'll feel more confident in their child rearing and everyone will be happy.

Make sure to tell them, when you do talk to them, that you don't like being laughed at. That's very important and they should be aware of how it makes you feel.

I think sometimes parents, since we;ve "been there done that" forget that the kids haven't been there, they need to learn for themselves and with gentle, healty guidance they can learn the ropes of life without getting too hurt and without hurting others too much

 

ahhaha mostly messing around but shhh shhh ..

but also becasue , im just bad at math im good at all other subjects but math its my enemy... I hate it. My math teacher hates me becasue everytime i ask her to go to the washroom she tells me to go back to my seat, so i end up juist leaving anyway becasue i really have to go.

the thing i hate is i wish my parents could just talk to me like an adult , and talk to me as if i wasnt there kid and just explane to me why they are like the way they are i bet if they did i probably would agree , and understand instead of being mad at them and rebelling against them.

I just hate being under estimated , and treated yonger then i am ... im 15 and have lived a nice chunk of my life and i think i at least disurve to make live my life for my self instead of my parents , if they would understand and not ground me then when i got a bad mark i would be sad not them.... and when i got a good mark i would be happy not them , i hate it when they act as if im messing up there life ... and its all theres , not mine!!

 

I understand you perfeclty i have no problem in that but im math , im very bad ... I never was good in math i dont know i might just be a stupid kid when it comes to logic , I hate things that have only one way of being right , Im amazing in history , geography , etc. Im interested in theropy and how the brain works , im thinking of becoming a theropist or a computer programmer


but my parents dont understand that what ever i want to be , I dont want to do it with math some parents would understand and say

"Hey my son does good in everything other then math , so ill cut him a break he trys his best" my parents dont do that! they act as if i have been doing perfect in math for the past 15 years and this is the first year im doing bad.

 

So either ask them to get you the help you need, or take it upon yourself (showing even more maturity) to get the help you need. Talk to your counseler and tell them you need to be in a different math class, or you need some serious help with the math class you're in right now. And then take it seriously (by that, I mean go to the bathroom before class ).

 

What about some remedial help in math? This could be really helpful. Our High School has a "Learning Resource Center" for SMART kids who need some help. All my three oldest kids have some form of ADD, and the LRC helps them, when they need to take a test in a quiet place, or need help from a teacher in private ect.

Does your school have a place like this? What about Sylvan learning center? Of maybe, if one of your parents is good at math, having them help you? When I was your age, I was not good at math, and my parents hired a freind of ours, who had a degree in math to do some private tutoring. She wasn't a profresssional, but she knew her stuff, and it made the difference between my failing Algebra and getting a C.

 

Ya we have this , its all fine .. Its just math isnt ... how can i put this... my subject lol. I dont do bad in it i get C+ - B+'s fine , The thing is I ussally start off in every subject , pretty bad then i go up as the term goes over , for example I started geography last semester as a 61 , and moved up to a 88% with the exam and assignments and all. Sometimes tests arent the best for me im more better in applying my knowledge depending on what ...


I guess the question is more , not how can i get out of my grounding but , how can i get my parents to understand how i feel , and listen to me as a equell not a child or kid.

 

You seem to be making excuses about the math thing. If it's not your subject, it doesn't give you license to not try. It just means you have to try HARDER, looking everywhere for possible help. Math isn't my 15 year old brother's subject, but he's in tutoring 4 days a week, and his grade is slightly improving. The fact that he is trying so much to do better has kept my mother, who usually jumps him up one side and down the other about his grades, from punishing him. The fact that he's looking for help and still not doing very well shows that he's putting forth the effort but just doesn't understand it very well.

My mother punished my little brother in the same way your parents are punishing you. And he said the same things you're saying now. "She's not listening. She only yells. Math's just not my thing. Why doesn't she understand me?" It's not that your parents don't understand you, but at the same time you feel you're being punished for your failing grades, your parents might feel like their failing you because you aren't doing well. Their feelings about parenting come from how well you do and what you accomplish. Just saying that it shouldn't effect them won't ever stop the fact that it does.

And this road, the teenage years, are all about reciprocation (a mathematical term). Where you want your parents to listen more and talk less. They probably want the same from you. Make a point to SHUT UP and HEAR what they are saying, even if it is yelled at you. And I mean listen and process, not just let it run through one ear and out the other. Then you can calmly explain how you feel and what you think would be appropriate to them. But in order to get the response you want from them, you have to show them the exact same thing. Listen and don't argue and maybe they will start doing the same thing.

And take it upon yourself to take your math class more seriously: potty break before class, notes out during class, stay after to ask questions you might have about what you learned that day, revise notes as soon as you leave the classroom, ask for tutoring help without parental prompting. And don't ever say again that your teacher hates you. She doesn't hate you, but I'm sure she sees what your parents see: An immature kid refusing to take math class seriously. She probably thinks that your bathroom breaks are just excuses to leave during lecture because you just don't want to be there. Really, look at these people from behind their eyes. See what they might be seeing. It will help you understand them better.

 

Ya i guess your right thanks for the advice guys , i pretty much got what i was looking for

 

has it never occurred to you that maybe they keep grounding you because they feel you are not listening to them??? You and your parents are going to have to start talking, and listening to what the other is saying. You can make the first step, it doesn't have to be them. There's this technique called collaborative problem solving (it's called lots of different things as well) that works like this:

you want X
they want Y
what you have to do is figure out how you can both get what you want without the other party feeling like their needs are being ignored. You have to figure out exactly what it is that you really want, and so do they. I'm guessing they want you to do well in school. They can't make you do it, you are going to have to want to do well in school. Nothing they do is going to make a difference if you just don't care. Punishment is obviously not motivating you, or they wouldn't have to keep punishing you over and over again. You want them to stop punishing you, so you are going to have to be the one to figure out a good compromise, where both you and your parents are happy. Talk to your parents. If you want them to listen to you and show you respect, you are going to have to listen to them and show them some respect first. Why not suggest a tutor? Many college students tutor high school students as part of their education requirements, to get experience, or for reasonable rates. Maybe your teachers just aren't presenting the material in a way that speaks to you. Nothing wrong with that. All kids have different learning styles, but a teacher has just one teaching style that s/he is trying to fit an entire room of kids, some are going to be left behind. Find out what the problem really is, and then figure out how to fix it. There are no unsolvable problems, only people too stubborn to find the solution for themselves.

 

The rat race the long hours at work and going to and coming from leaves little time for teens and parents to interreact with each other is 1 of the problems . buy the time you get home your brain is fry.

 

Parents don't understand teenagers because teenagers don't understand theirselves. Every parent claims they understand what their teenager is going through, but the reality is they understand you as much as you understand them.

You, on the other hand, just need to study more.