Why do I feel/think like this? What's this?!

I've just passed through a 2 years of depression and have been pretty good lately but I'm still kinda sad sometimes. Sometimes I see some people together and it makes me sad, frustrated...I lost a friend of mine, well actually I don't really mind that we finished talking, he was an idiot anyway but the thing is, it's my final year in highschool and I want to enjoy it so much. Thing is...I don't know why it has so much impact on me when I see people together, girls with girls, guys with girls. I received today my graduation pics, everyone was happy, I was but not like them and I hate this. I kinda see no reason to live, no I'm not suicidal or any of that shit. Everything has been pissing me off lately...god.. Tomorrow I have a science exam, I just don't feel like studying, I feel like doing nothing....god this life sucks. Sure I'm still positive, better, but still....

College is coming, I don't know what to do..ugh I'm just so confused...I hate this. It's hard to be sociable in life..dunno how to say it, there's like so many people I would love to become friends but how... I can't stand this anymore..no one, everyone is deceiving, they become your friends, then they forget about you, bla bla you know the rest. Thank god I got a best friend Sometimes I tell myself, we're all slaves, slaves to the world, everything, technology and then we die..life isn't fun. I met a girl, we didn't really talk in the beginning but after a lot. She even said to my best friend that I'm very sociable and hell, maybe I am but I'm not satisfied with myself. I don't know what causes me to think this. There's too many bad people in the world..that fucks it up.

Life is depressing.....it's so fkin depressing....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuk...I hate this. And the fact that I've never gotten a girlfriend, it irritates me alot. So many people, hell all of them have gotten at least 1 girlfriend and me fkin none. I know, I have to relax, take it easy and I will get one day. But that's the thing, I want one know. AND NO, it's nothing to prove at my friends, I want one to love, and be loved back, nothing complicated! Why is it so hard! Fuck! I bet it's how I look...but whatever, so beat it. I just hate myself so much..basically I hate the bad people, the deceivers, hypocrites and fake people, god I hate those people, I really mean it. I can't stand this anymore..I'm getting mad and sad just writing this. I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't suffer anymore. I can't stand seen couples kissing, girls giving hugs to guys..why the fuk not me?!!!!!!???????????????????? Sure I've got hugs from girls sometimes but....k fuk that Trust me guys, it's not jealousy. Now you people, you might be saying, k this kid looks like a fucking psycho, well guess what, I am not. I'm a normal person, that loves to smile to everyone, like talking and no I'm not crazy. I'm just mad/sad pretty often. I just want this problem to leave. I often feel guilty.. I just wish I wasn't created like this, had a better looking face..been better in life, hell I would have had a girl by now, better grades, I mean who the fuck knows eh? I know it would have been better though.

 

I've just passed through a 2 years of depression and have been pretty good lately but I'm still kinda sad sometimes. Sometimes I see some people together and it makes me sad, frustrated...I lost a friend of mine, well actually I don't really mind that we finished talking, he was an idiot anyway but the thing is, it's my final year in highschool and I want to enjoy it so much. Thing is...I don't know why it has so much impact on me when I see people together, girls with girls, guys with girls. I received today my graduation pics, everyone was happy, I was but not like them and I hate this. I kinda see no reason to live, no I'm not suicidal or any of that shit. Everything has been pissing me off lately...god.. Tomorrow I have a science exam, I just don't feel like studying, I feel like doing nothing....god this life sucks. Sure I'm still positive, better, but still....

College is coming, I don't know what to do..ugh I'm just so confused...I hate this. It's hard to be sociable in life..dunno how to say it, there's like so many people I would love to become friends but how... I can't stand this anymore..no one, everyone is deceiving, they become your friends, then they forget about you, bla bla you know the rest. Thank god I got a best friend Sometimes I tell myself, we're all slaves, slaves to the world, everything, technology and then we die..life isn't fun. I met a girl, we didn't really talk in the beginning but after a lot. She even said to my best friend that I'm very sociable and hell, maybe I am but I'm not satisfied with myself. I don't know what causes me to think this. There's too many bad people in the world..that fucks it up.

Life is depressing.....it's so fkin depressing....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuk...I hate this. And the fact that I've never gotten a girlfriend, it irritates me alot. So many people, hell all of them have gotten at least 1 girlfriend and me fkin none. I know, I have to relax, take it easy and I will get one day. But that's the thing, I want one know. AND NO, it's nothing to prove at my friends, I want one to love, and be loved back, nothing complicated! Why is it so hard! Fuck! I bet it's how I look...but whatever, so beat it. I just hate myself so much..basically I hate the bad people, the deceivers, hypocrites and fake people, god I hate those people, I really mean it. I can't stand this anymore..I'm getting mad and sad just writing this. I just don't know what to do anymore, I can't suffer anymore. I can't stand seen couples kissing, girls giving hugs to guys..why the fuk not me?!!!!!!???????????????????? Sure I've got hugs from girls sometimes but....k fuk that Trust me guys, it's not jealousy. Now you people, you might be saying, k this kid looks like a fucking psycho, well guess what, I am not. I'm a normal person, that loves to smile to everyone, like talking and no I'm not crazy. I'm just mad/sad pretty often. I just want this problem to leave. I often feel guilty.. I just wish I wasn't created like this, had a better looking face..been better in life, hell I would have had a girl by now, better grades, I mean who the fuck knows eh? I know it would have been better though.

 

I suggest antidepressives.

 

2 years of depression...moves pretty fast eh?
thinking about right now, and getting stuck in these feelings is perfectly normal, but just think about how much you've already been through, and how much you'll still go through
life moves fast, i've gone through years of fucked up internal struggles, and i'm only just starting to get out of it...but the time flies by so fast

you cannot demand love
you cannot say, I WANT LOVE RIGHT NOW!
love just happens, as much of a bitch it is to say, thats the way it is

it's all a process of growing, learning, you're young and will grow into your looks
you'll grow into love
you'll grow into friendships

maybe you should talk to a counselor or friend about the way you're feeling
it's all perfectly normal, but it helps to have someone to talk through it
talk to me if you want, i'm usually around

 

Thats true...and she is not bitchy at all.....
:X
Or maybe u should see a doctor and take some antidepressives...I mean, if its really bad. And since you ve been depressed for 2 years, I think u should really see someone. a profesional perhaps.

 

yep, go to the doc, get some SSRI therapy.

 

i'm only bitchy to you baby babe

 

. Two years is too long to be depressed. And I dont think it can be solved just by talkin to a friend or sth. Most depressions are caused by chemical unbalance. Thats why you should see a doctor and perhaps take sth.

 

I really feel special now.

 

From my experience alot of depression stems from indulging in negative thought patterns and eating crappy food. I'd try changing the way you think/eat before going to any doctor for a magic pill.

Before you can love any one else you first have to be able to love your self. A girlfriend would be wasted on you, since you are not even your own friend yet...not to be harsh, but seriously, you know? A girl is not gonna make anything better for you.

To end your suffering try finding things to be grateful for...you don't have the horrible flesh eating disease, or you are not chained to a tree by rebels down in some mexican rainforest atleast there is that? It's all about attitude.
We draw good things to us by appricating what we already have.

I'd try working from the inside out before anything else, mebbe... People can pick up on that angry vibe and unconciously steer clear of you. Removing your negative programing will take your mind off feeling sorry for your self as well as help you create a personal space you can be happy in, even if it is just you.

Depression is like a long assed walk and it is something that needs to be worked through not numbed for it to go away...unless it becomes too intense and threatens to rip you apart. Then sure take a break...it will usually be there waiting till you are ready to try again anyway. DEpression is our bodies way of tellingus we are ready for a change, it usually gets prolonged when we do not listen, or know how to allow change.

Just my two cents...I've been there and been medicated and then found out I was creating it all. Took me 14 years to change the way I think but now I could not be happier and life feels like heaven on earth you can do it if you really want to.

 

go buy yourself a nice steak

 

fuckthe steak & fuck meds
reverse your thought patterns, push out every negative thought with its possitive opposite untill u believe it
if your really chemicaly depressed, try herbal solutions 1st
meds have side effects..
the most common side effects of antidepression meds are depression..suicidal thoughts..feelings of hopelessness
brilliant medical system we got huh?

 

Its been going on for 2 years, thats way too long....so positive thinking , unfortunately, cant do a lot. nor can herbs...

 

I don't think the pills are good for me...I've heard stories plus I think you need a confirmation from your doctor, I don't want him to know that I'm depressed, I just don't want..fuk this is so complicated and thanks to everyone for the support.

 

That's what I hate, it goes away and then it comes back again..man

 

what do you mean fuck the steak. it'll make him happy to have a nice steak

only person that can fix him is himself. having a nice steak will aid in that

 

I know u dont want to go to see a doctor and make a big deal about it...and maybe u r scared that if u do it, u ll be marked as a depressed kid on the pills. but u r 16 and depression longer than 2 years isnt really sth 16 year old should be going through. maybe I am overreacting by suggesting the pills...but I dont know. it just seems to me that positive thinking isnt enough.

 

If he takes some pills to go with the steak....

 

no pills with the steak

ruins it

 

All right, maybe I'm just stupid but what are you talking about taking a steak? You think this is funny?

To J.I. - Yes maybe that's not something a 16 year old should be going through but what do you want me to do? I sure as hell don't want my parents to find out, that's for sure and the only one that knows this is my best friend, he told me many good things, I stayed good for a while but it comes back, again and again. And I'm not a big fan of those pills, I've heard many stories making you suicidal.