Why Are People so Cold?

I have come to love people as a whole, I see people and I love them, despite any faults they may have, I don't criticize, I don't insult, I don't even throw dirty looks.

However, and I think this is a case for many hippies, people are constantly cold. Not to me in general, just they don't share the same outlook. Everyone I meet looks for the worst in me, to somehow use that to keep me down. I know that it's nothing to do with me, it's just the way the human mind is programmed nowadays.

I want to meet some loving people, I have friends upon friends, but I can't name one who is truly a loving person, who has truly grasped the concept of comradeship.

I was wondering if you guys had any advice on how I could remedy this. I live in the UK, a place where, it would seem people aren't open or even happy day-to-day, if that helps.

One piece of evidence for this cold nature of the people in my city (London), is that I went on holiday to both Finland and America this summer, and in both countries I played a game. The game was that I had to walk around asking everyone I saw to high five and to try and receive as many as possible.

In Finland I got 19 high fives in a half-hour journey. In America I got 25 in a 40 minute journey. However, when I came back to London, and tried it here, with the exact same mind set, I received 2 high fives in half-an-hour.

I would really like some advice on how to spread joy to everyone and thus help me find people who I can be human with and not have to always pretend or persuade people to love other people.

Thanks,

keb

 

This is not joy, this is a complaint.

 

It's just the way people are, but there will be loads of people who think the same as you, you might just not know them.

 

It is very serendipitous I stumbled across this post. I am upon this same struggle, and even in my own bias I think the socializing system is rigged against my personal mind, body, and being. A large bit of that is true, but there is no help in knowing that and perpetuating the disgust I have with that part of my existence.

Also what Hardrock says. Same old story about turning the blame finger around. You'd be surprised how significant and true projection is.

and thedope are you saying love others regardless?
I would agree but that is not easy.

As far as friends and love....
Well Love, as in romance, I'd say in majority...is cold. Most people veer away from it. We're scared. I AM scared. Don't know what to say, only hope and have faith in "true love" pulling through.

You can have plenty of friends, good friends, close friend, but you're right no one will do the best job at being caring. There are always a select couple that will show you some genuine compassion and involvement. The two biggest ones in my life found romance and are somewhat far from being heavily involved in my life anymore. But you know what I appreciate them so much, and I strive to be that kind of friend for others.

 

"Despite any faults they may have" suggests a innately judgmental facet to you that you're either trying to suppress or are using to cast yourself in a charitable light... to impress others others of the tremendous effort to overlook their shortcomings and may be seen by some as a suggestion that you have no faults. We all have them.

I find that for the most part people fixate on others shortcomings as sort of a lazy way of rationalizing their own lack of self improvement- that is if they can find some flaw in another person they consider worse than their own issues then it's somehow okay that they do not put effort in addressing them.

And you have? Seems to me that you're casting a bit of judgment against them- seems like this is one shortcoming that a truly loving person would make it a point to overlook. If you have projected this to any degree on them it might explain why some seem so cold toward you.

A cold spirit is not specific to any region. My guess is that when people are compacted into urban or suburban living conditions that peaceful moments are at a premium. The pace of life in some situations puts individuals at odds to some degree with everyone to a point where chance encounters are at very best seen as inconveniences.

You have not specified the areas in Finland and the US where you conducted this interesting bit of social experimentation... how did the population density compare with London?

My best advice is to not force joy on anyone because your efforts are very likely to backfire. People packed in an urban setting struggle to establish personal space- enforcing and invasion of that may net you more than just a cold shoulder.

 

I'm not cold I'm just chill. And fuck what people think about me. If they don't like me then screw them.

 

people are afraid to express there true feelings due to society

 

Interesting...but a couple of possible insights:
Are you asking people to meet you at your level, or theirs, in sharing a love....whose definition, and why must it be yours ?

And next is my own way of dealing with this , keep in mind i've lived longer and maybe have more and less allowances due to that fact;...I do not really overly care for the human race as they are now (looking at what is called the written human record)...But individuals constantly give credence to the concept that we can be so much more than we portray as a group.
So I live apart and interact with the constant faith that there are glowing exceptions and everyone is capable of change....the best example of which should be in how I live my life...I wish to remain open and vulnerable and when I become too security or fear ridden to cease to be the fool (willing to walk off the edge....knowing that being hurt - but also Moving Beyond and Growing are the opportunities that await the outcome of that action)....it is my own time to take a long walk in the winter, to sleep in the cold beneath a tree and recycle unto nature.

To recap; allow others to love and respond according to their own perceptions and willingness - not your own. To expect to find exceptions, being humble in your openness, and to embrace and empower each one you meet.

Blessings

Namaste

 

Ah, if they like you screw em too.

 

:toetap05: Big words for a chicken kadoodler!

 

Just saying screwing is a pastime best enjoyed among friends.

 

You mean like sticking my wang in a girl's spot?

 

change in the weather..

 

^...Poor circulation

ZW

 

Shine your light n be the best you can - iv'e had some very successful moments in crap times!

Move out of London, Brighton is awesome or somewhere people have more a sense of community and are happy to live where they do, that makes all the difference!

Dance more people smile when they dance! May you find all you put out there..

 

I might go out to California Might go down to Georgia I don't know...

 

Yeah, I've heard that the UK can be kind of cold. I have heard of brits being referred to as "God's frozen people". I think that was in a movie, but I think the author of the script was English.

That's just part of the culture, and I think it is something that alot of people in the UK (and lots of other places too) would like to break out of.

I've heard that London is especially bad too.

I think that it is generally true that in big, urban areas, there is a lot of stress, and a rough, predatory element that keeps everyone on edge. Honestly, if I were in the city and I saw some random dude that wanted to high five me, I probably wouldn't. This is because people that come up to you at random in the city usually have an agenda, and by making contact with them like that you make yourself vulnerable.

I think that I may have exactly the remedy for you. There is a "rainbow family gathering" happening 30 miles south of London on September 8th. The rainbow gatherings have been going on for about 40 years now. They are gatherings of mostly hippies, but they are intended as a place where everyone is welcome and where everyone is treated like a member of the family. Indeed, when you walk through the entrance to the gathering, there is a sign that says "welcome home".

I went to my first gathering just this summer. While there are ups and downs at the gatherings, one of the things that really sold me on this was having the experience of about 8 people in a row walking up to me, telling me that they loved me, giving hugs, and offering food or gifts to me. It's a very nice feeling.

Not everyone at the gatherings has the love. I think some people go just for free drugs. There are some people who might try to steal from you while you are there, I think that the gatherings bring in some people who go for the wrong reasons. Mostly the gathering are very good.

Here is a link to a site with some information http://rainbowfamilyonline.com/events

The uk link seems to be broken. They say it's going to be near Tunbridge Wells. You may have to hunt around to get info on this.

Another thing that you can do is volunteer. You can help people by volunteering, and at the same time meet a positive community of fellow volunteers.

 

You can't control others only yourself. Find peace and happiness within and spread it. Don't react to what others do. Only act. Also, humility is huge. I like what oldwolf said about not being afraid to be open and vulnerable.

 

Welcome to the forum man. Hang around a while and share.

It's the electronic age man - Write letters - fat chance when you have email. Phone call - not with texting. There is no interacting anymore and people have just forgotten how. It sucks man!!

Try this - "Free Hugs". Put a sign around your neck and got downtown. Offer free hugs to everyone you meet. Can't hurt and hugs are so very, very cool. It's like all your frustration runs out of you - but instead of going into the other person it evaporates. "Free Hugs" makes us human again for a few minutes.

 

some people are just mean spirited or maybe not just as happy as we are! smile at them and know youve shared something special with them whether they smile back or not. we should all feel sorry for the people who arent as happy as us, because they wont have as much as a fulfilled life!