Where Has All The Love Gone?

Why is it so important nowadays to not fall in love, strictly be only sex with no emotions involved (seriously no emotions involved = robot the no emotional kind to me), or just or never beyond 'fun' with random strangers whom you make love to? If I was going to have an orgy, I would probably fall in love with everyone there although I love everyone differently it's still love to me.~

Why does sex have to be separate from love? Why does being in love ever involve a commitment?~ What ever happened to making love to strangers in a way that you make love to any other of your lovers who stay with you through your life in the old days of the Hippie movement?~ Whatever happened to finding a beautiful flower and then fucking that flower with all the love in the world, but never demand them be with you forever?~:daisy: What ever happened to happened to Free Love?~

I guess I'm trying to say when I'm with anyone in any way intimately, I am loving them and I am open to the possibility of a gaining a life love companion.~ Why do people not consider this a possibility anymore?~

 

people are scared of love

 

AIDS happened, among other things.

But no you presented a bit of a strawman argument, love is still tied in with sex for a lot of people.

 

i don't really believe the premise here. i don't think anyone is really against falling in love (well, with a few exceptions probably). but if you're going to go out and find a random stranger to have sex with, i don't see how you could fall in love with them in the first place. it takes a lot longer than a couple hours to fall in love with someone. i seriously doubt that hippies legitimately fell in love with each of their casual sex partners either.

 

I get the impression that many people think that showing too much emotion, or too much emotion too soon is a sign that you are a "clinger"

While there is certainly such a thing as developing an unhealthy emotional dependency on someone, healthy emotional attachments may be stigmatized as pathological

 

Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head with that one.

More often than not, expressing too much emotion to fast triggers a red flag in most people (male or female).

And at a scientific level, when someone is in that state of wild attraction to someone, it IS the same at a brain chemistry level AS a crazy person. It's all about interpretation.

People are scared of getting hurt, they aren't scared of love. Our culture is to blame for setting up too strict monogamous standards and vague rules about what constitutes the dating phase VS the boyfriend/girlfriend stage.

In middle/high school, I've noticed that it seems that there is no "dating phase" between the strangers/friends/acquaintances category, and then the "we're together now boyfriend/girlfriend" category.

In college it gets better, but even then people just entering the dating world might be as naive to the cultural of dating/sex/relationships that they carry the same views of categorizing relationships.

I remember talking to one of my guy friends who dated multiple girls during the "dating phase" and one of the girls he was seeing found out he was dating other women and accused him of cheating.

 

What happened to change things from the way it was in '67?

What happened was '68.

When the people who want to get free love outnumber the people who want to give free love, the givers either get wary or get hurt.

 

Sidenote that's a bit out of topic: It's funny these forums have some people who seem to be conservative, since the conservative movement was VERY anti-hippie movement in the 60's and 70's.

 

e7m8 and monkjr, thank you. You answered my questions beautifully!~ ^_^

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the desire to settle down to a monogamous loving relationship, nd I'm in support of that choice all the way. It's just that the instinct simply to procreate (or at least, just to have sex in order to satisfy the urge) is to be found within us all. The difference is that over the years we are finally coming to terms with the fact that marriage (be it of the full or common law type), is only part of an artificially created set of moral rules & taboos, and as a consequence are now recognising everyone's right, be they Male, Female, Gay or Straight to make their own choices as far as sexuality & level of promiscuity is concerned.

The preference & encouragement to opt for one life style hasn't swung in the opposite direction. It's the outdated prejudices against freedoms of choice that are finally being done away with.

 

this.

 

Friendship makes great sex. I might not be "in love", but I'm not indifferent either. I do like to laugh, and listen to music, and talk about those things we have in common. Once the sex starts, I can "act" in a loving manner. Such as look into their eyes, strive to please them, purr with gratitude, give long hugs of thanks, cuddle until we start again. The limit is perhaps that I stop at integrating them into my life outside of that bedroom.

 

I tried to write a love song while keeping myself in check
for I didn't want to come off chauvinistic or be politically incorrect.
And at the same time I didn't want to sound co-dependent,
possessive or insecure and I didn't want to sound obsessive
or emotionally immature.
So I avoided phrases with sexual connotations and resisted the
temptation of verbal manipulations. I fought with words that made me sound needy and I battled the ones that made me sound greedy.
I didn't want my love song to be abusive in any way
WHAT THE FUCK I didn't know saying "I LOVE YOU" in a song
was so difficult to say.

 

Men with a white knight complex voted for politicians who passed bills that give women the incentive to use sex, marriage, and childbearing as a lifelong financial strategy.

And those laws are:

1) tax and legal breaks to married couples;

2) banning prostitution;

3) welfare, alimony, childcare, etc.

4) VAWA, etc.

That's what happened to free love, IMO.

 

I am totally in love with my wife and it is the best thing ever.

 

I guess my main point is love without commitment.~

 

Another thing, why do a majority of "Advice" columns about love, commitment, and relationships still give advice like it's still the 1950's?~ A lot of movies still like this trend, what the fuck happened to moral revolution of the 1960's?~

I think a lot of people completely missed the point of the revolution of the 60's: sex without love required is fun, but that's not everything the revolution was about, it was also about love is a feeling that can be with or without commitment, it always has been and there's nothing wrong with that.~

 

I don't get the free love idea. I get the impression that the hippie men just wanted to get laid and free love was a con job on the women, that the women thought they were making love to strangers who cared about them when in actuality it was just another booty call.

 

That raises the question, can you love without commitment? What if your love asks commitment of you? What if they see it as proof of love?

 

Surprisingly, I am one of those men who actually believe in free love and I don't find the thought of being with anyone in any sexual way without them caring about me appealing at all.~

Why is this so hard to understand? "I love you but depending on how you and I feel we can decide whether or not we want to be with each other for a long time or we can see each other every once and awhile or whatever we want.~"
The point is there is no ball-and-chain attached to love, not just sex, but love to.~