When you think sex isn't important...

I married a man that couldn't satisfy me sexually. He tried once or twice but then he would get mad and frustrated at me. It got to the point where I faked my orgasms just to at least make HIM happy.

we had little to no intimacy. his idea of foreplay was sucking on my nipples for about a half an hour and then jumping into it. he wouldn't touch me with his bare hands because he couldn't stand the feel of the fluid. he couldn't even masturbate with his bare hand, he had to rub against his underwear.

im a very sexual person but i loved him, his personality, the way he was always looking at the bright side of things. turns out it was all an act. his personality is due to the fact that he's been through disturbing trauma in his life that he's been suppressing and that i knew nothing about.

anyway, he left me for another girl he worked with. cheated on me, then asked me for a divorce.

i'm ok with the divorce part, i was miserable throughout the entire marriage but i'm still sexually unsatisfied and that is the part that hurts most. lesson learned. but how can i get over this feeling of grief i have for my sex life?

 

get over it by getting under someone else

 

I think you need to found somebody again start dating and having fun.

Also get yourself a few toys till then

 

i have a few toys but my problem is that when i masturbate and reach orgasm, i start crying. it's pathetic, i know but i can't help it. yes, i know i have to have sex with someone else. but thats out of the question for now because i wouldnt want to end up sleeping around just to find the man that can make me reach climax. i have a friend who has been an over the phone/online fwb who is the only one i can trust with the task but he lives miles away and is always busy because of his job. reason why he doesn't want to have any romantic relationships. i don't want to be romantically involved either so, it would work out.

 

So you 'loved' him even though you werent really attracted to him. You 'loved' him but you were miserable. And then at the end of this chapter you admit that being sexually frustrated is what hurts the most

Its not about you or him, its about everyone else. You believe that you have to make out to everyone that 'love' is more important than sex so you are supposedly a better person. You need to get married cos thats what most people tell you what you should do, or thats what you think you are supposed to do, or you think well, what else is there.


But talking about 'respect'. They are not going to respect you if say you love a guy that doesnt get you aroused. It doesnt make sense to them, they dont seperate love and sex that way. So to them its just going to sound like a bunch of garbage, and you really married a guy for his money or because of security, he was a lot easier to keep on the leash

Or a lot of talk about 'communication' when in this case and most cases you'll never actually sit down with the guy and say, well I want foreplay to be more than just sucking nipples, I want this and that your doing this wrong etc

Well you already know the answer, in theory its simple, get fucked properly. The reality is of course very different.


Even back when you were 18, getting the most attention from men, you and all your girlfriends running around complaining out loud about all the creepy older men, all the boys your age that 'only want one thing'. Basically all the guys that you werent attracted to, that bottom 90%...yet at the same time you werent even able to so much as talk to the guys in that top 10% or look them in the eye.

As for that 10%, half of them are gay so half that, its really 5%. Then halve that again because no not every guy gives a crap about sex and with hetero the guy has to do most of the work.

So really you've only got 2% 1 in 50 guys versus ....I'll be generous and say 50% of the female population that is sexually frustrated, even though its a whole lot more.

So 1 in 50 straight guys vs 25 in 50 frustrated girls. So basically you out number them 25 to 1.

So when it comes to them, I'm talking about the type of guy thats tall, hot, in his prime, actually a man (25+), still in shape enough so that once he takes off his shirt thats enough to get you started and on top of that knows what he's doing, knows how to touch a woman.....you've got to totally forget about respect, you are not going to have any idea how many secret little girlfriends he has and he's just going to assume you are just going to try latch on, try get pregnant on purpose so you can latch on, drain his bank account

So with that 2% you have to chase them, you always had. You have to not do it in front of the competition, i.e any other girl, or your friends or his friends, so basically not in front of anyone...and you have to make it very clear to them that you do only want one thing

Its raw, confronting, totally unfair. But its the way it is, You only have two choices, either hunt down one of them and pretty much beg for him to use you as a sex toy....or go your whole life never getting fucked properly and sit around and whine all the time

 

maybe the issue is that you're covered with fluid...

 

Now you know...just be true to yourself from now on. Even if your heart's not into it, date. As for getting over him, you even said he was not real with you...some people are real.

About crying when you orgasm...been here myself but for diff reasons, I understand...just let yourself grieve and get over it...then you can enjoy it.

 

step 1) Completely ignore the second-half of Vanilla Gorilla's post.
step 2) Learn to love yourself, learn to forgive yourself, learn to respect yourself, and mostly, give yourself some time to recover.

You put yourself through hell for this man. You really tried to force it and make it work, and though you had your reasons, and it may have seemed right at the time, you were miserable.

So, step 3: never, ever, ever do this again.

The 'secret' about 'true love'; is that it's all about chemistry and compatibility. You can't make it work. It works, or it doesn't. Don't drag it out when it's not working, life's too short for this.
Yes, there is compromise, there is sacrifice; due to differences in lifestyle or potential life paths; but that should only come in when you're both very happy with your relationship, and are both fulfilling each other's needs.

 

As far as the crying goes, keep in mind that in deep tissue massage at times, the release of tension from long held knots in muscle groups can have exactly the same effect, releasing all the pent up emotions which likely led to the tension in the first place. So dont look at is as being so horribly unnatural or symbolic of some subconscious disorder, it's perfectly understandable given the amount of supressed frustrations you must be feeling especially after that assole had the nerve to be frustrated with you for not being able to cum despite the fact it was his fucking fault.

I feel for ya' I do, if I were closer I'd be happy to help with the therapy, but I'm not. (Kinda seeing someone anyway,,,)

Good luck, just get a good vibrator and a box of tissues and work it out long enough to where you dont have that worrying you when your with a Guy or you'll just be in the same situation again.

 

Vanilla Gorilla,

FYI I'm only 22yrs old and I was the one who supported him. he works at a retail store, i work in healthcare. i gave him everything he wanted. he was the one that drained my income and cheated on me on top of everything.

i admit i was stupid and i knew sex was important to me but it felt wrong to make it seem like it was more important than love. i was attracted to him but he was just terrible in bed. i've only had one partner before him. i guess i fell into this out of pure loneliness.

i do feel liberated in a way. now i can do things for myself that i wasn't able to because of him. i walk around with a new found confidence but i am extremely lonely. i know i can only cure this with time but it just plain sucks.

 

Wow, that dude is nuts! I just checked yer pic's and you would need a crowbar to get me off you if I got that close and cozy. He has major issues, move on with a smile.

 

aww thank you i've never felt beautiful or sexy until now that i've freed myself from him. i just wish i had someone to share it with someone that won't call me a slut or make me feel like a whore for wanting to do more than just have regular sex.

 

well, nothing wrong with talking dirty and i do admit i can be a slut in bed but i'm not promiscuous.

 

Well I have to say your coming here has to be a most excellent first step on the road to recovery.

 

well, i feel the same way. i refuse to hide and suppress my sexuality anymore. i want to be satisfied as a whole, the way a woman deserves to be satisfied.

thanks for your replies.

 

No problem, I have a thing for helping chick's with sexy eye's.

 

And what does that mean? Because someone is older than you automatically makes them wiser? Oh, no no no no no.

I didnt check your pics, but given Fritz's reaction I take it you are hotter than average. So you cant really get on with the other girls cos they'll either instantly hate you the moment they see you, or it'll will be fake nice to your face then bitchy behind your back. So you're a little more reliant than the average girl on the guys as friends. But they for the most part are going to get overprotective and jealous, so its really just one, the boyfriend. So you are a little more reliant than average on the boyfriend also being the best friend, and then on top of that lover as well.

So he has to be a good boyfriend, best friend, lover. 3 different areas. Finding one thats scores a 3 out of 3, is not only difficult, it is actually impossible. Especially since the qualities for best friend and lover dont match up.

For best friend, that usually works best with someone for whom in both directions there is no sexual tension, or if there is its equal and no chance of feelings, or there is buts it not going to matter

For lover you need someone your baby bucket thinks is worthy just in case, doesnt have to try to hard to get you horny and knows what they are doing

Pretty much a completely different set of qualities. But as we are talking about sex, we'll concentrate on the lover, and its back to that top 5% I was talking about in the previous post. One half are gay, forget about them, they're arent going to want a girl around, they are not going to want anyone especially another hot gay guy to think they like girls as well.

Which leaves that 2%:

Step 1: Who are they? They are not the Johnny Depps of the world, the trophy boyfriend is more about being arm candy. They are not the ones running around claiming they are, sure Charlie Sheen gets a lot of girls, but usually at up to $30K an hour. They are not the ones too into themselves (usually does mean they are gay ).

So who are they?, tall, strong, manly, not pretty, a face like someone has tried to kick it in 100 times, with the big hands and hairy knuckles, so big that just running his hands up your back is probably going to do it.....(dammit, hang on, back in 5 mins ).............and most importantly with eyes like its Superman with the heat vision and you so much as look at them for 1/2 a sec you are going to get vaporized.

Step 2 : You - "Oh, I could never just go up and talk to him, I'm too nervous"....because getting rejected by the guy you know is way out of your league means what? Its not like its going to bruise your ego. And out of your league as what girlfriend / wife? Dont plan ahead, just go for the moment.

"I still have my dignity" - if you are worried about what everyone else will think, just dont do it in front of everyone else, then if you do crash and burn no one else saw it so it didnt really happen

"Oh, I'm going to be so obvious, he's so going to know" - we are talking about the type of guy that gets hit on all the time. And if he is a wanker about it means he's not in that 2% anyway, if he is he's just going to stay quiet and mysterious

It might be very scary, might seem like it goes against the natural law of the universe, that you the girl does the chase. But even if you do crash and burn with a guy you knew you were unlikely to get. You'll still buzz for like a week "Yay, I tried" instead of spending the next couple decades "Oh, if only I'd had the courage". And it'll make it easier the second time around. And that buzz can be pretty awesome in itself

 

What vanilla gorilla said in the above post was basically my rationale during the everso cliqueish world of middle and high school when it came to asking girls out to dances that I thought were out of my league, and I got confidence from both my success and rejection.

 

She`s actually a 5-6. Which, in itself is not the greatest of problems as much as the fact that she`s inexperienced. But, I feel she`s got potential as a good fuck buddy. Looking at her pics, I have a feeling she might be a natural.

If she were direct, discreet, and seemed like a good lay, I`d fuck her. She seems like she could become a freak in no time.

But, I sure as hell ain`t going to chase a girl who`s so worried about her reputation when, in actual fact, no one will know whether or not I fucked her.

Either that, or she`s faking like it`s about her reputation when, in point of fact, she is using that line in order to be chased and treated like a princess without actually being one. Huge turn off, and too old a trick to fool anybody anymore.

She`s only going to keep getting doormats that way.