What should I do

Long post warning. / Rant

Ok... so, its me again. I havent posted on here in a WHILE but some people may remember my problems... My parents DO NOT want me to get dreads at all.

Update. So, right now im 17, about to me 18 on May 15th. My hair is the longest its ever been in my life, about down to the bottom of my nose if i pull it down. But its really curly so its above my eyes normally. My parents recently have been bitching about it. I thought I was just going to straight up just say no to them.

Well... I did to my mom. It pretty much worked. Then she goes to my dad and tells him to tell me to get my hair cut when we were eating dinner, and i just said im not getting my hair cut,he says yes you are, i say no im not back and forth then he gets all pissed and says "DONT TELL ME NO AGAIN" so.. i dont cause i dont wanna piss him off anymore but i look at my mom and mouth "im still not getting my hair cut"

Like just because you tell me not to say no doesnt mean my answer changes. I just dont want him to get violent or anything.

SO, my mom tried to argue about it and said that when I got my ears pierced that i agreed to get my hair cut when ever they said, BUT (i havent mentioned this to them yet) the original agreement was that to get my one ear pierced that i would get my hair cut, which i did. Then AFTER that was done, she tried to change the deal saying that i have to get my hair cut WHENEVER. I wasnt having that... But I got my other ear pierced recently, and she WANTED ME TO. ... the other day at dinner she tried saying that I would get my hair cut anytime when i got the second one... like i agreed to that.

She wanted me to get my other ear pierced because it looked weird having a 0g plug in one ear. She didnt like that it wasnt symmetric. SO!!!! also at dinner that time my dad tried to tell me that im getting my hair cut next week.

What should I do. Right now the only reason I have to get my hair cut is that my dad told me he would pay for my first tattoo when i turn 18, and also since im about to graduate they are supposed to get me a nicer car as a gift, but I dont see that happening as it is anyway. (even if i do get my hair cut) Because they already bought a junky honda for half the price of what they paid for my brothers graduation gift, and tried to say its mine. Like wtf??? (rant) also i showed them a perfectly good car that I LIKE, i showed my mom it and shes like, "were not just gonna get you what ever you want, even if it is a great deal" like What the FUCK is the reasoning behind that????????????????????? (you probably think i sound spoiled or something but really, is it that much to ask for them to at least be FAIR about it?)

They were like flipping out saying im deffinatley going to get my hair cut before my graduation party, probably because they want me to look all nice and shit for all their friends they invite to my party... Oh yeah, we have pictures of my dad when he was my age with hair down to/passed his shoulders. What kind of BS is that...???



So, this isnt even about me getting dreads yet this is just trying to save my hair. I plan on getting my dreads either right before I leave for college so they wont see me, or once im there. Im going to school about an hour away from home. I really think they would get over it once its said and done, cause theyres a whole hell of alot of stuff thats worse then dreading my hair that i COULD be doing. But im not.

What do you think?

 

didn't read the whole thing (sorry) but it sounds like your parents are kinda uptight. seems strange that they would be telling you what to do with your hair at your age. seems like there's not much advice a person could give you, you just sorta have to deal with the parents you've got. but i hope you feel better after the rant. a good long rant every now and then is nice.

edit: read a little more and actually, i have a lot less sympathy for you now. bitching about the value of your graduation present is fairly shallow, and your parents paying for your first tattoo? what? still sucks about your hair but it sounds like you have it pretty good in a lot of ways. i don't think i got ANY graduation present from my parents, let alone a freaking car. chill out and have a few calm conversations with them about your issues. listen to them, find out what their reasoning is, and try to meet them halfway.

 

I can't imagine having the worst of my family's problems involving hair, especially because your hair isn't that long.(not saying this is your worst problem, but anyway)

They are your parents, they are providing things for you, and you are off to college soon and out of the house. If I were you I'd try to stay on good terms with your parents in the mean time, however that may be.

 

I can understand not wanting to read the whole thing, no problem. Haha, i left out alot believe me. I tried to keep it short

Yeah, its not really even about the value, like the car i want is still cheaper than what they paid for my brothers, but the one they bought now, they didnt even tell me about, and its in worse condition then my starter car (bought with high miles for my older brothers first car)

Not my parents paying for the first tattoo, just my dad. My mom would have a bitch fit if I got a tattoo, but my dad doesnt give a shit because he is like 47 now and has 5 tattoos that he just got within the last 3 years. Im saying if i dont get my hair cut they probably wont do any of that.

lol, its not a new car or anything, just better then the 97 taurus with 160,000 miles i have now... (i dont even drive really, just to school, and they make me pick up my brother alot from track and stuff) I rarely go out and drive where i want to.

My mom still bitches about the clothes I wear. But its not like she does anything about it. (I wear black clothes alot) and no, im not emo or goth lol. I just like black.

I dont see why having long hair is such a big problem to them. Right now my ears are 0g about to be 00g and they really dont even care. From being a nazi about letting me get my ears pierced to hardly caring.

 

Well yeah, thats about the worst problems they have with ME anyway...

Yes they provide me with stuff along with my other two brothers because they are able to. What I was hoping was SINCE I will soon be gone and out of their hands that I would be able to keep my hair and dread it once I leave the house. (starting off living on my own with my long hair)

I am on good terms.. Just not with my hair.? Idk how else to stay on good terms with out getting my hair cut. I really dont even think they give a shit about my hair, they just want to show that theyre still able to make me do what ever they say.

 

When are you leaving for college? Have you tried having a mature conversation that didnt result in a screaming fight? Its weird to me that your dad will pay for a tat, not care about gauged ears but flips over hair? Be grateful your getting a grad present even if it is not what you want....when I graduated high school my step mom of 13 years left my dad...my dad and bio mom who was pretty much non present in my life remarried and ditched me in southern Cali for a new life together....yep. I was homeless on the day of my high school graduation! So BE GRATEFUL DUDE!

 

Im leaving in like... August i think? Im not really sure, just starting "next year".

Mature converstion... I dont even think It would work. It would just be talking sure, but they would say the same thing. At least if I had it with my mom. Thats all it would come to is that im still getting a hair cut or what ever...

Yeah, idk why he would pay for it. As a birthday present I think for when i turn 18 i think is what its supposed to be. I dont think my dad even cares about my hair either, he just doesnt like me saying no or defying him or what ever...

Damn. That sucks, at least it was southern cali! And if they would do that to you its probably a good thing if theyre not in your life anymore. If they really didnt care that much.

I have a friend who thinks hes going to move out to cali this summer after graduation. Hes under the impression that he and his friend are going to move there and make a living off of music they make... I told him good luck cause thats not very likely to happen... And its like, its not like he can get a good job. If anything it would be minimum wage probably. And I guess cali is expensive.

 

my parents and I have a good relationship now...but we had a very sticky past. Give your mom a list of logical reasons why you should have control over your own hairstyle....dont try to shut her up when she explains her side...listen and show respect. Tell her that you want to respect her rules while under her roof and are just wondering if a compromise of sorts can be worked out since you are almost legally a "man" [Im assuming your male] and about to leave the nest and go off to college. I guarantee you that if you handle the situation like a "man" instead of a punk teenager then your parents will be more willing to treat you like a man rather than a teenager. Does that make sense?

 

lol. What logical reasons are there? That im almost legally an adult, and am smart enough to make my own decisions. Im pretty sure her side only consists of something like "I want to see your eyes, or you look better with short hair" Thats all she ever says. What kind of compromise would there be possible? lol. chores or something? lol. I dont see what there is to compromise.

 

What I have learned over the years is when talking with my mom, try very very very hard to see things her way. If I make the effort to see and understand where she is coming from she will most likely do the same thing in return.

My mom is possibly the least logical person there is, btw.

if your argument is 'I don't want to' and their argument is 'I want you to' you really aren't going to get anywhere.
Find out their reasons why they want you to get a hair cut and work on convincing them why you don't feel you should based on those reasons.

You seem like you've sort of shut yourself off and are only thinking about what you want.

 

I can see things her way, I just dont see why its that important. The reason she wants me to have short hair and conform is because shes afraid people will treat me differently because im not like everyone else. When i tried explaining why i want dreads her reasons why she didnt want me to get them is because, "im white" and because cops will think im a pot head. Like i care about cops anyway.

But yeah thats a good point. Just like you cant argue with someone when your both "right"...

Ill give a try and ask her why she wants me to get my hair cut. Im almost positive nothing constructive will come out of it though. Shes the kind of person who says "because i said so" for anyfuckingthing she doesnt want me to do.

If shes mature enough to give me real reasons then I dont think I would have any problem explaining my reasons why I should have long hair.

 

wtf dude??????

 

Your parents are being immature for hanging everything on getting your hair cut. You are being immature for making such a big deal out of cutting your hair. Now I may get flamed for saying that but atm I really couldn't give a fuck.

 

My parents hate my dreads. There comes a time in your life when you just do what feels right.

 

logical reasons include...
-your almost an adult and will soon have the freedom to do whatever you want
-It's just hair...so you can comb them out at any time
-You want freedom to express who you are

Compromises could include...
-meeting eachother half way...such as you will wait to dread once your out of their house
-If you dread you promise to keep them clean and well groomed
-You will hold down a job and be a responsible adult with the dreads


I dont know man...Im just trying to help you out. But as Sara said....even if you dont agree to anything coming out of your moms mouth if you pretend to listen to what she says and dont lash out all emotional like then chances are she will do the same and you'll get what you want.

 

why do kids come on this website to whine about how unfair their parents are? seriously kid, grow up and move out if you don't want to do what your parents say.

your bills are paid, you are fed, and your parents bought you a car (even though it is a junked honda, it's more than i ever got from my parents). and all you can do is whine about it?

you are going to have to learn to respect your parents wishes while you live in their house. try living in your honda. then you can have all the hair you want.

 

Ok, so as far as getting dreads go im not going to give you any helpful advice, but seriously, you say they bought you a car, and are going to buy you a better car, do yourself a favour, get the car, sell the old one, move out and get dreads then when they have no influence in the decision

 

You know what i mean. Theyre crazy about it.

Totally forgot to respond to this one... Pretty good points. Which is totally true. When im gone you would think they would be more worried about me partying and stuff then how long my hair is??? But the compromise right now is just to keep my hair. Not even about dreads. So yeah its already that i wont dread until im out of the house but they dont want me to have long hair in the house either.

and about the whole job thing, idk. I really hope I can succeed in school. Its not any classes that im good at but its what I want to do. Its alot of organic chemistry and stuff, and i fucking failed chemistry in highschool. If i can manage to make it through those four years to get into veterinary school i have to have some ridiculous amount of volunteer hours in a real vet office. I hope ill be able to make that a job also, so i can get paid for what i need to do.

lol, i dont lash out which is funny though becuase my older brother gives my mom the hardest time about everything, everything he does leads to an arguement, and my younger brother shows no respect either. Like yelling at them and shit. I never do that. Im the best behaved yet usually treated the worst. I guess thats the curse of being the middle child lol.

Not even going to waste my time with this.

They didnt buy me the car, they bought it for my brother, its technically theirs, i cant do what i want with it, i just drive it. The car they bought for me theyre just going to keep and drive to save gas until my little brother can drive because i dont want it. It wasnt really for me either they just bought it because it was a deal and the figured that if I want it i can have it.

That probably goes with the car they get me also. Why would i have them get me a car so i can sell it if i just want money? They wouldnt appreciate me selling the car anyway, and it will probably be in their names not mine.

 

It is a big deal though. Im very self conscious and Id say I have low self esteem. My hair is a big deal to me.

And.... what did you do that "felt right" did you have to move out?/ anything else?

 

That has got nothing to do with being immature.