what options do I have?

i'm a college student going into my sophomore year, on summer break.

last night, i came home fairly late at night and my mom said i smelled like pot, which i denied. i went up to my room, and took my jacket off. the jacket had a bunch of stuff in the pockets - some paraphernalia, a bag of weed, and a pack of cigarettes. i went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and change, and went back to my room. the jacket, which i had left on the floor, was now on the bed, with the pockets completely empty. a few minutes later, my mom came up and started screaming at me about bringing pot into the house, and both my parents today came up and told my what their deal is: either i stop smoking, stop hanging out with my two best friends, and come home by 1:30 each night, or they kick me out and don't pay my college bill.

now, as far as i'm aware her searching my jacket was illegal, as was taking my possessions from the pockets and throwing them out. is this true, and if so, can i take any action? i would definitely like my stuff back, but not a huge deal if I don't.

but also, i am not accepting their BS deal. i'm considering my options, and i would like to take out a loan to cover my room and board, since I have a full tuition scholarship, use some money from the loan to buy a car, and live off campus with my college friends because it'll be cheaper than on campus. and i could move to my college now because one of my friend's is over there for the summer now anyway and i could just move in with him.

another complicating factor is that i have a job right now, where i work for one guy, at his house. and there's only one other person working for him. If I leave now it'll completely screw him over because we're working on this guy's personal project, that he needs done by the end of the summer, and he wouldn't be able to finish in time if I just stopped working there. but his house is about 40 minutes away, and I don't have a car. or a place to live, if i get kicked out.

 

how is it a bullshit deal its their house and they get to make the rules

 

Your right to be secure in your possessions only applies to government agents.


Not the private sector, IE your mom.


Suck it up, its their house, they make the rules.

Live by them.

 

yep, can't do shit about it

you could ask them to cosign a loan - aint no way in hell that youd have the type of credit history at 19 needed for a college loan - and just move out. don't buy a car on a loan at your age. go get a job and buy a beater.

you sound like a 15 year old kid that is "rebelling" against their "oppressive" parents by becoming some punk, living in a halfmillion dollar house...just saying...if you dont know the legalities about weed and the responsibilities you have to assume, perhaps you shouldn't be smoking anyways

 

not true at all. i smoke because i enjoy it, and it brings people together.

i am very aware of the weed laws. in the state i'm in, it's decriminalized up to an oz. i just didn't know what the search laws were for private stuff.

 

There are none.


That's why private detectives don't need warrants.

 

this kind of naive thought is what makes me think you dont know the legalities. just be careful, and you've got to get off the teet eventually, right? just move out and get a job

 

i've been trying to move out. i have a job now. i have no way of getting to it if i move out because my dad's been dropping me off on his way to work and i don't have a car. and i respect the guy i work for, i don't want to fuck him over, or i would just go buy a plane ticket and fly to my college and live with my friend there until school starts.

 

Its gonna be tough finding another job.

You have a roof over your head right now, and food, and you don't have to pay bills.


Why would you want to fuck that up?


Just don't disrespect your parents.

 

because of the condition that i not hang out with my best friends. fuck that.

 

the whole search laws with your parents thing is a naive way of thinking. get over it

 

or move out anyways - if you dont wanna be your parents' little kid.

save up money from your job, fly out to your college, live with your friend and pay due part in rent, get a job there and ride a bus to it or something. or ask your dad to help pay for a beater, and pay him back over time.

______
you want to smoke pot, live in your nice house, have everything handed to you, and want to ignore the rules that are set -- you can't have your cake and eat it, too. sounds like you should seriously just grow up and learn to take on the world on your own

 

Well if you don't like what they're giving you at home you can always move out and pay for all of your own shit.

 

When did you say that they wouldn't let you hang out with your friends?


All I heard you say was that they wanted you in by 1:30.


Which isn't entirely unreasonable...



Are you sure you're 19?...


Edit - Just reread it.


Tell your mom to fuck off.

Unless your friends are meth addicts.

then I would heed her advice

 

he sounds like hes 16

 

you guys aren't actually listening to me about my job.

i have a job.

if i move out, i can't get to that job.

and i don't want to give this job up out of respect for my boss. he's basically investing his own money into the project to pay me.

and i've already asked in the past if they'd help me out with getting a car, and they've consistently refused. apparently they'd rather have to drive me everywhere then have me get a beater and pay them back right away.

 

and it wasn't just the 1:30 thing. it was that, in addition to the fact that they gave me the names of 2 people i couldn't hang out with ever, which are my 2 best friends.

 

Well, it sounds to me as if you've already made up your mind.

 

seriously dude - weigh out your options. you want to smoke pot, you want to hang with your friends, you want to not have a curfew, yet you don't want to pay for your own house, find your own way to work, or pay for your own college bills...it seems like you want the benefits of growing up without actually having to take responsibility of doing so at the same time.

 

how have i made up my mind? i have no idea what the fuck to do. there's no one good option that doesn't screw someone over.