What is cheating?

When you're in a (supposedly) committed relationship with someone, assuming you're monogamous, what do you consider to be cheating?

I think most everyone would consider sex with another person to be cheating, but is kissing? Flirting? Is simple texting cheating, or does it have to be sexting to rise to that level? Or maybe you don't consider that to be cheating at all. Is fantasizing about another person cheating? Does it matter if the person is the same sex (or if you're gay, does it matter if the other person is the opposite sex)? What are your triggers?

For me, I only do open relationships, so cheating isn't an issue for me unless my partner becomes emotionally attached to the other person.

 

Cheating : Having intercourse with someone else. If a married guy kisses another woman, thats not cheating unless it leads to sex - true / false?

 

It's cheating if the married guy's wife believes it is. She's the only one whose opinion matters on that issue.

The question was what do YOU consider cheating?

 

Giving oral / recieving would be cheating or is intercourse considered less intimate than oral?
Having sex of any type would be cheating. A non sex relationship isn't cheating if either of them is married. I have been kissed by a younger married woman but it was on my cheek. She was slightly drunk at the time.

 

For myself if you have to lie to your partner and do stuff behind there back with other people it is probably cheating!

I am in a commited relationship, that is not open, but we have played with others together. We trust each other and are secure with what we have together and neither one of us has the desire to do sexual things with out both of us. Works for us.

Having fantasy's about other people is not cheating and we talk quite openly about any fantasy's we have and try to make some of those things happen. She is bi and finds woman super attractive so I want her to be able to experience that.

If there was cheating in our relationship we would not have what we have and what we have is good. There would be no trust, jealosy, no communication and resentment. I would walk away.

 

It is a great turn on for some guys to watch or to see 2 woman having sex with each other or getting intimate. Watching what they do to each other & how they do it.

 

anyone that is going outside, or doing something other then, the agreement they with their partner

 

I don't need to watch my lady with another woman to be turned on! Her being herself turns me on just fine.

 

Ya know I recall some old threads that tossed back and forth this same concept and went really deep into the concept of cheating and what it meant:

For instance everyone was discussing/debating if cheating = the physical act of sex with someone other than your partner in a non-open relationship, or if it extended into an emotional level with someone of the opposite sex where maybe NO sexual contact was shared with that other person that wasn't your partner.

If anybody can bump those threads and add them as links to this newer thread that'd be really great.

There somewhere WAY back in the abyss of this love and sex forum though.

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From there the conversation sprung up and created new threads about the boundaries between friendship and romance/love and if it was okay to have friends of the opposite gender.

From there the discussion turned into:

Was it okay to accept your partner's bans on friends of the opposite gender or not? Is that even realistic in today's culture with mixed gender workplaces and social media?


I'm basically summarizing all these things from past threads in a nutshell since we got a few new regulars to these forums these last 8 months.

What are your responses to these topics new people here?

 

So, feelings constitute cheating to you? I always thought my actions were the one thing I have control over. This is almost akin to cheating by "having thoughts."

 

"Feelings" is not quite the same as "emotional attachment." "Feelings" is more of a superficial concept than the deeper implication of emotional attachment. And emotional attachment requires reciprocation, generally speaking.

 

Like, nut and bolt are fair game. But the washer is grounds for calling the whole homemaking project off.

 

I've had a few " Impure Thoughts" can't go into that.

Kissing, flirting, anything, you don't want your partner to know about, is cheating. There are just different levels of cheating.
I had a lady tell me her husband cheated with a certain girl. She said had it been anyone else, she could have forgave him. I guess she just had a personel grudge against that one girl, or something. I didn't ask.

 

Anyone that doesnt return library books on time, for two reasons:

1. Its 'cheating' the system and its a deal breaker
2. Who reads books anymore?, Get with the times, buy a kindle and save some trees

 

I'm fairly old-school and have never 'cybered' or 'sextet', so I'd say cheating is physically touching in a familiar way. Nothing wrong with flirting or fantasizing, then, but if you're in a happy, fulfilling relationship, you probably won't feel the need to indulge in either to excess, because you've chosen to commit to someone special.

 

Personally, in my marriage, I think cheating is engaging in sexual activities (oral, intercourse, etc) with another person without the spouse's prior knowledge. Admiring someone, porn, playful flirting, non-romantic kissing are not cheating.

As far as emotions go, cheating would be developing feelings for someone else, and trying to build on them while still married (including lying about them). I don't expect my partner not to feel emotions for another person, but once he realized that playful flirting has turned into something deeper, it is time to talk about it. Cheating would also be lying to someone else in order to get sexual gratification. Example: telling a cyber friend our marriage is in trouble (or lying about me in any way) to get them to engage in cyber sex, sexting, or nude pics. Simply put, when it becomes dishonest, it's cheating.

My definition of cheating is not one-size-fits-all, it is the terms my husband and I discussed prior to getting serious about each other. I think what cheating means varies based on the person, the relationship they're in, etc.

 

My husband use to say in the beginning of our relationship that he defined cheating as doing something with the opposite sex in which you couldn't tell your partner about. He changed his tune real quick when he was caught doing something he couldn't tell me about, but supposedly it was never physical. We've never been able to agree on what constitutes as cheating.

 

I think most of the developed world's idea of what "cheating" is was very well stated in your post.

Except for the last paragraph I agree with the remainder of it. I think 90% of the time when someone says "she/he cheated on me" they're implying something physical took place. Whether emotion bonds were present or not doesn't matter there.

But in some relationships if it's defined as "open" then I guess what constitutes as "cheating" becomes something you have to look at in more detail as it relates to that particular couple.

 

Considering my definition of cheating is specifically relating to my own relationship, and I stated as much, I am not sure exactly what you are disagreeing with me about.

I don't have an open relationship, so I give no real thought to what 'cheating' would be in one.

 

I share this view. It's not easy to say that cheating is black and white, it depends on what you've agreed with your partner. Some would say dancing with a man/woman in a club is cheating but I really wouldn't find that a problem at all. When you're in a relationship I think it's feelings that matter more, and if you're doing something totally dishonest with a man/woman which is going to upset your partner, then that's cheating. Basically, deviating from the rules you should have established from the start of your relationship. If you want different things, walk, don't lie. That's just my opinion anyway.