I absorb information. I like information that can be potentially useful, like, edible plants. or how to make a fuel that will power a car when you can't get gasoline. what do you do?
sometimes i get a needle and ink and do some awesome tattoos on myself for a few hours... usually that makes me feel better. or i'll burn myself with a cigarette.... it kind of reminds me that im the only one causing my pain, that its all in my head, its all created by me and i'm the one responsible for it. wounds heal, this one will too, its awesome, look its gonna leave a scar. SWEEET! and then i usually look at the scar or tattoo later and think, wow that was foolish moping, but this is awesome tattoo and i'm pretty awesome look how i can handle so much pain all on my own. turning that pain into beauty, into inspirado. sometimes i paint, but i find self destruction a little more satisfying for the serious depression
I swim. go drive. get completely stoned to the point of idiocy. paint my brothers' fingernails in their sleep and then hide the nail polish remover. you know. healthy coping skills.
I act out killing myself. I play dead for a bit. Then I come back to life and go about my day in a much better mood because I've realised "hey, you know, I could be dead right now."
I build a ship inside a bottle. That is, I get inside a giant bottle and build a ship inside there. .
Talk to my closest friends. Watch videos. Make myself laugh. Remind myself that I guide my emotions and mental state. Keep my mind and body busy. Meditate and wishing others well. Take vitamins (niacin helps)
have you been on a vacation? don't think "vacation" has to be extravagant either, it can be as easy as putting a tent outside and sleeping in it for a night, try it on a work night even, change up your routine and see how different you feel. Go somewhere new and just wonder for a bit, it's healthy to expose yourself to new things, even if they are as simple as sights. maybe you just need some sun. I think laying out in the sun is among my choices though, not for a tan, but just feeling the natural blanket can be extremely relaxing to the point where anything I do after is enjoyable... I'm getting tired of depressed people though, wake up. but good luck, dave.
I "woke up" with $5139 of debt if I don't "win" an appeal I have to file tomorrow because I quit a super stressful job because I thought it was stressful, and not because I had a doctor who thought it was stressful forget that it was a dangerous job with toxic chemicals, forget that I couldn't afford to treat my epilepsy, let alone worrying about "treating my stress" Forget that I'd been promised that I would be made full time, and my former manager straight out lied about it, forget that he grabbed my ass, and only didn't fire me because my manager before him had reported him for it so neither of us could be fired. Forget that there was a quart of chemical on the floor that if a drop had pooled on the floor the size of a quarter at lenscrafters, they would have closed and had the the fire department and haz-mat there, and that I worked there for a year three months, understaffed, and with these circumstances, and OH so much more. but, I didn't investigate "every possible option" sure, I told the territory director, her boss, had candid discussions with my manager, jhis manager, etc. etc. but, that's not good enough. I shouldn't have quit, I did not have a good enough reason to quit according to the state of nevada, and now I should pay back the unemployment benefits they paid me. and, I dunno, I think that sucks I don't think it has shit to do with waking up, I think it has to do with being fucking sick of living in a country that doesn't give a fuck about you unless you can afford to buy a politician.
if you can't afford a lawyer, you might be able to find a nonprofit one that'll help you out. http://www.lawyers.com/Nonprofit-And-Charitable-Orgs/browse-by-location.html this site might not work, but im sure there's one out there you can find.
I am not being sarcastic when I say this it makes me happy, and hopeful, that you have purpose I suspect that HHB doesn't either.
I kill myself. But when I get depressed, it's usually only for like an hour at most. Then it turns into anger. And I don't really express that. I just bottle it up.